About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

A-Z Challenge Letter Z

Woot  woot! Can't believe we made it to the end. YAY you! YAY me! My last A-Z post is going to be Z is for Zac Efron. My daughter Frankie is totally going to kill me for spilling this but I had to post it- I am her mom so I realize in the future she will most likely blame me for every single thing that goes wrong with her life anyhow, soo...here goes.

The other day I was folding clothes and watching a movie. The promo/preview on it had Zac Efron in The Lucky One. My daughter walked  in the room to hand me something and was about to walk out when she took a look at the screen. She stopped dead in her tracks and just stood there staring at a shirtless Zac Efron. After taking a good looong look, Frankie turned and looked back at me and from my facial expression she knew she just got caught staring. She got all red in the face and giggled a little. Then she said, "Hey mom, how bout that Zac Efron? He's something else, huh?" 

That, my friends, was the first time she's ever noticed or mentioned a boy in that way. Part of me wanted to laugh, the other part wanted to cry. But then she ran out of the room and I got a good  look at the screen. And I thought, holy crap my kid's right! That Zac Efron is something else.

Erm, what happened to this baby faced kid from High School Musical?

Picture credit to Tumbler
When the hell did he turn into this?

Dang! Where did the time go? Looking  at these shirtless pictures of this kid makes me feel all kinds of  old and pervy. Glad I'm a bird because I could never be a cougar! Ick. How did this boy grow up so fast? How did I not notice this, but my kid did?  This must have happened while I was busy writing A-Z posts. Who else had the nerve to grow up and get hot while I had my enormous beak shoved deep in the A-Z challenge?  And on that note- this Dirty Old Bird is out. Peace Peeps!

Monday, April 29, 2013

A-Z Challenge Y is for Yeah Boy

Who could resist a grill like that? It's letter Y in this A-Z Challenge, which means we are one and done after today.  Can I get an Amen? Or how about a  little Flava Flav's  "YEAH Boy"?!  For some reason, hearing him say that always makes me smile. Instead of whining about all the crap that went wrong on this cold, wet, windy Monday morning, I decided to focus on what makes me smile.

I'm so excited that after Hurricane Sandy tore up my back yard, work is finally getting under way on putting it back together. The older girls begged incessantly asked The Husband to build them a tree house, the younger just wants a new fairy garden. All I want is to look out my back window and not want to cry... Basically, anything is better than what we have now, which is dirt, dirt, trees, debris, more dirt. I'll keep you posted on the progress. What really made me smile was when The Husband went off to Home Depot yesterday, the girls asked to tag along. Which is odd. They know full well that going to the Home Depot with Dad, is like going to the book store with Jaybird. That's his happy place and he will go in with every intention of buying one thing and being quick, but will wind up being in there for hours and spending a fortune. Hmm, something was fishy. (Cue narrator from Spongebob's voice here) FOUR HOURS LATER they came home. And my hunch was right. The girls only wanted to go to the store because they had a specific agenda in mind. They wouldn't leave until The Husband took them to the paint, lighting and carpet departments so they could look over all the samples and torture him pick out their favorites for the new tree house.  :)

Another little lift- I found a box full of pictures I didn't realize I  had. In it I found this picture of my little brother and laughed my butt off.

Ah, the Star Wars curtains, Return of the Jedi t-shirt, holding a Transformer. Shogun Warrior!!
This is classic, straight up old school Chris. 

Here's another thing that makes  me ridiculously happy. While trolling the web I found these:
Wolverine feety pajamas. They WILL be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine. 
(As long as they come in XXL.)
What small thing can make you shout YEAH BOY or made you smile today?  Did you have a good weekend? Anyone do anything fun? Happy Monday and Letter Y day everyone!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

A-Z Challenge X is for X-Men

A-Z Challenge letter of the day: is X. And you thought I would be done posting about Wolverine yesterday...he he he. Not a chance. Although, today I'm taking it back on the serious side of things. Like, if  you could be any of the X-men who would it be and why?  LOL, see, real serious...

I would have to be Jean Grey for two reasons. (1) Not only does she have freaking amazing mind powers and can turn into The Phoenix, but (2) she is the object of Wolverine's affection. If  I were Jean Grey, I'd drop that little bitch Cyclops for Wolverine in a Hot Second!

I really enjoyed all the X-men movies but Wolverine Origins is my favorite thus far (big surprise, right). What is surprising is just  how much I enjoyed First Class, even though Wolverine only makes a brief  (all be it brilliant) cameo in it.

I am beyond stoked about The Wolverine coming out in July. The Japanese story line is just so gripping in the comic books, I can't wait to see it play out on film. Of course, stills like this really help inspire me to want to see this movie more times than I can count. Da-yamn! Who wants to come with me?  ~Jaybird


Friday, April 26, 2013

A-Z Challenge W is for Wolverine, Duh!

Who's surprised Jaybird's W is for Wolverine? You had to know this was coming!  But who could have guessed what was coming for Hugh Jackman recently? Did any of you happen to hear the crazy-ass shiz that just went down with a stalker and my favorite X-man of all time? 

I know I often joke around about me stalking Hugh Jackman here on my blog but for the love of God, Jaybird is mostly kidding! This woman, who was really stalking Wolverine,  took things to a whole new level. She assaulted him with her pubes!! That wasn't a typo. She assaulted him With Her Pubic Hair. 

Here's the low down on what happened: Last week, the brilliant and amazing HJ was minding his own business, working out at his West Village gym like always, when a psycho-ass fan attacked him with her freaking pubic hair! Forty-seven-year-old Kathleen Thurston allegedly followed Wolverine to the gym and managed to slip past security, throwing an electric razor full of her pubes at him while screaming, “I love you!”  Uh, what the hell is wrong with people? Does it seem like the whole world has lost their damn minds lately or is it just me?

Come on lady, we all love Hugh Jackman, but do you honestly think throwing your nasty pubes at him was a best way to snag his love?  The crazy beotch ran, but was arrested only about a block away and promptly charged with stalking. Apparently, she’d been tracking HJ for a while. She's showed up at both his home and his daughter’s school before. Which must have been so scary for him and his wife Deb, not to mention his poor daughter!

Despite the disgusting nature of the attack Jackman as always, remained gracious and incredibly kind when he was asked by TMZ about the insane assault. HJ reportedly said: “Here’s a woman who obviously needs help. I just hope she gets the help she needs.”

Honestly, what a gentleman. He still manages to keep things classy after getting assaulted with gnarly lady bits. He just wishes she gets the help she needs. Gotta love that guy!!  But rest assure, no matter how much this fangirl may love him, the day will NEVER come where I wake up in the morning, drink a cup a coffee and think to myself, hmm, today seems like a fine day to shave my crotch and throw my pubes at Wolverine!!!  (I am literally cringing every time I have to type that. Just the thought of it is beyond disgusting. Poor HJ, cripes!!)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

A-Z Challenge V is for Vampire v. Werewolves

LETTER V! Only four more to go in this A-Z Challenge. Hollar!

Recently my daughter Frankie asked me and The Husband who we thought we were more like, a vampire or a werewolf? I guess it's an odd question coming from a nine year old, but considering I write paranormal/urban fantasy books, my kids have been surrounded by this stuff since birth. So, there we all sat, seriously discussing the answer to her question.

At the end of our debate, we came to the conclusion  a much more accurate answer could be given if one did not choose for themselves, but the rest of the family chose for them. It is hard to see oneself objectively. (*Coughs* The Husband)

It was unanimous, Jaybird would be a blood sucking VAMPIRE. Naturally, it was then decided The Husband would be a  WEREWOLF. Those two don't generally tend to play nice together, do they? How telling. We also came to the conclusion in my brood, there would be two wolf pups and one mini-me vampire. Hearing their logical, sound reasoning behind such choices was simultaneously hurtful, humbling and hilarious.

Here are just a few of the reasons discussed:
The Husband would be a Werewolf  because....(Oh, it was decided there is no way he could possibly be an omega or a beta, he'd fight his way to Alpha, for sure)
(1) He does not take instruction well. He always has to be the leader.
(2) He is always hot, even in the snow.
(3) He is extremely hairy.
(4) He is territorial and confronts anyone who gets in his space.
(5) He would, without hesitation, annihilate anyone who threatened his mate or pups.
(6) He is hot-headed, defensive, fights first, thinks about it second.
(7) He is more at home in the woods, than in a castle.
(8) He is a skilled hunter.
(9) He is loyal to a fault.
(10) He is always hungry and devours his food "in minutes just like a beast" and doesn't consider a meal to be a meal, unless there is red meat involved.
(11) If you feed him, he won't go away.

Jaybird would have to be a Vampire because...

(1) I am always freezing, even in August.
(2) I have crazy mind powers and always seem to know what people are thinking...
(3) I look exactly like I did in high school. Nothings different. Not even my hair. (I vehemently disagreed with this, but the fam insisted it's true)
(4) It takes me a long time to get angry, when I finally do, I snap.
(5) I tend to brood.
(6) I can hear things that are whispered in another room that aren't really meant for me to hear.
(7) I LOVE to hang out in old spooky Victorian houses and castles.
(8) People must work very hard to earn my trust but once I trust you, there is nothing or no one that could change my mind about you.
(9)I can go days without eating, staying fueled by nothing but coffee.
(10) I never sleep.

Those lovely answers provided by our girls gave The Husband and I some insight into our personalities we may not have thought about ourselves before. So, are you brave enough to ask someone close to you, which would you be, VAMPIRE OR WEREWOLF?

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

A-Z Challenge U is for Unforgettable Dynamic Duos

Today's post falls on the letter U in the A-Z Challenge.  I'm going to highlight Unforgettable dynamic duos. Who could forget the Lone Ranger and Tonto? What about Laverne & Shirley? And of course, who could forget the most famous dynamic duo of them all, Batman & Robin? Who are your unforgettable blogging, cartoon or relationship unions?

My favorite unforgettable union in the blogging world are Brandon and Bryan from A Beer For The Shower. If you are not opposed to politically incorrect humor and don't follow them yet, go check out  the Beer Boys and their blog, right now!

These two write an absolutely hysterical blog, but it's the outrageous cartoons they produce to accompany their material that adds the icing on the cake and keeps me coming back for more! ABFTS is always the hilarious highlight of my blog-reading day. Together Brandon and Bryan make such a talented, unforgettable dynamic duo. But unlike the union of Batman and Robin, it's super hard to determine who's the top and who's the bottom in this relationship (he he he). Seriously, both the Beer Boys are  amazing at what they do and stand on equally talented ground!
Jaybird, my daughter Frankie and Robin.  When my little Frankie,  bless her heart, saw everyone crowding around Batman, and no one wanting anything to do with Robin, she felt so sorry for him. She insisted we go over and talk to him, because as she put it,  "Poor Robin mom. Even Robin doesn't want to be Robin!"

I'm so excited to announce, my favorite blogging dynamic duo, just released a new novella, called "Lost and Found"  It's a psychological horror story which Byran and Brandon describe as "unlike anything we've ever written before." Here's the cover and the description below:

They actually made this cover themselves. Pretty sweet, right?
Lost and Found is available now on Amazon, which you can get >>HERE<<

Alan Densmore is a failing novelist whose downward-spiraling career is driving a stake through the heart of his marriage. In an effort to repair the crumbling relationship with his wife, Lisa, he brings her to the Blue Skies Inn, a bed-and-breakfast nestled away in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. But, instead of bringing the couple closer together, the weekend getaway only delivers unexplainable terror.

Haunting memories are traded for haunting spirits as the story unfolds in this dark novella, which is told in two parts, from two separate decades.
The second half of the tale marks the arrival of a mildly famous paranormal investigator, who finds himself completely unprepared for the terrifying events that begin to unfold at the Blue Skies Inn.

Please go check out their novella and/or their blog! Then come back and tell me who's your favorite unforgettable dynamic duo- :)

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A-Z Challenge Letter T is for Thank you

T is the A-Z Challenge letter of the day.  My T will represent  (T)hank you. I felt the overwhelming need to say it this morning. Thank you so much for all of the wonderful comments and  support from my followers, old and new alike. Thank you to those who have stuck with  Jaybird and the Bird's Nest from my very first A is for Anarchy post and have hung on all the way up until now.  Thank you so much for embracing my brand of crazy. You guys rock my world!

OK, I'm done being polite. I've spared you long enough. It's time to drop some of my poetry on your asses.  I've titled this The Golden Circle. Who can impress me by taking a guess at what the golden circle might represent?

The golden circle

there is no beginning and no end

it wraps itself around and around

a golden circle shining in the sun

slipping itself around my heart

like a noose

it tightens

I choke, I gasp, I pray

let me be me

let me live

keep out

it keeps clawing away at my soul

stealing one little piece at a time

chip, chip, chip

stop it, stop it, stop it

but there is no beginning and no end

I'm suffocating, I choke, I sputter

I'm gone


I float up into the sky,

my essence mingles with the air

and I am flying, flying, flying

It claws, it clutches, it catches me

I am coming back down, down, down

now it holds on tighter

there is no beginning and no end

and there is no more me

Monday, April 22, 2013

A-Z Challenge S is for SPAM

So, I have a dumb question. What is SPAM? Really? And I don't mean the most popular "meat" product consumed by Hawaiians or the #1 canned food item The Husband has stock-piled in his doomsday bunker because it literally takes 20 years before it will spoil. No, I'm talking about the SPAM comments I receive over here, at the Bird's Nest. Are the SPAM comments I receive from time to time on my blog from real people or just computer generated? Because I've gotten some pretty funny comments lately...and one, we'll it was just  plain mean. 

I know I can't be the only one who's received a negative comment on their blogs at one point or another. But man, it's really hard for me to accept that "real" people are sitting safely behind their computers anonymously heckling my heart; because that's what I pour out into my writing.

In honor of all the lovely comments I have received lately, who'd like to pop open a big ole can-of-SPAM with Jaybird today? What are the funniest/worst/best Spam comments you've received? Do you ever respond to them? What do you say to something like this- (FYI it appeared on my blog exactly as I have repeated it here)

Hello, i think that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to “return the favor”. I am attempting to find things to improve my web site!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas? Really? How does one respond to that? Geez!

*As an added SPAM bonus, I have a recipe I'd like to share with those of you brave enough to try it. When I was a little girl, my family was very poor. We had to eat whatever was available, inexpensive and could stick to your ribs. Somehow, my mom always found a way to make "something from nothing". I know the ingredients and that introduction make this recipe sound a bit sketch, but it's quite yummy. And even though we can afford to eat a bit better now, every once and a while, I still love to make some of the more creative recipes my mom came up with to feed us, all those years ago. 

List of Ingredients:
One can-o-Spam
2 tbls. Molasses
1 can Baked Beans
Canned Yams (or you can sub cut up sweet potatoes)
1/2 cup Ketchup
Pineapple chunks (approximately one small can, or to taste)

First: Start this recipe by cutting up one can of Spam into small cubes.
Fry the Spam until crispy.
(This step is not necessary, but makes a huge taste difference.)
Second: Take a deep casserole dish and add the: baked beans, molasses, Spam, ketchup, yams and pineapple chunks. Stir.
Third: Bake on 375 for approximately 30 minutes or until brown and bubbly.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

A-Z Challenge R is for Rochelle

My R for the A-Z Challenge today is going to stand for Rochelle. My best friend.

Rochelle, my brilliant and beautiful best friend on her wedding day and Jaybird.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" I'll never forget the very first words Rochelle ever uttered to me. We were  all of five years old.  I know it sounds funny because I'm such a girly girl now, but if you saw me, you'd be questioning too. Back then, I had a fondness for overalls,  dirt and short hair. I even carried a wallet, not a purse. 
That's the two of us, when we were really young.

"I'm a girl, geez!" I replied, indignant. Rochelle narrowed her baby blues on me and mumbled something that sounded a lot like, "We're going to take care of this mess right now" as she grabbed me by my grubby hand and dragged me into her bedroom hell bent on performing her first, (of  MANY) make-overs on me.

Rochelle snatched that nasty velcro wallet out of my pocket and threw it right in the trash. I know I should have been mad, but instead, I was mesmerized by this girl.  She talked at me non-stop while she filled up  a darling pink purse with eye shadow and my very first tube of pink lip gloss. After   washing the dirt off my hands and face, she placated me with her Nona's sesame cookies and a glass of chocolate milk. Then she brushed my hair, placing a barrage of barretts all over my head, and said "This will just have to do until we grow it out. You are going to let it grow out, right?" I nodded at her and in that moment, I knew there was nothing I wanted more in this world than to grow my hair out and somehow, become this girl's friend. 

When it was time for me to go, I didn't want to leave. Rochelle hugged  me tight, gifting me the pink purse and all it's sparkly contents, saying, "Let's play again tomorrow Jenny". I couldn't believe it!

The whole way home I begged my  mom to allow me to play with Rochelle again the next day, while patting my new purse and holding my container of shiny lip gloss so tight it almost snapped! It was like she flipped a switch and a giant light bulb went on in Jaybird's head. My obsession with make-up and my forever friendship was born!
Me, Roch and my little brother Chris playing Play Do, back in the day

From that day forward, Rochelle and I were inseparable. Honestly, at one point when we had slept over each other's houses for the twentieth night in a row, our parents said that's enough and were going to force us to stay apart. So, we ran away. We didn't get very far before my Dad caught us, and man, I never saw him so angry. He told us we were being ridiculous and dragged us home by the back of our matching shirts while we cried and carried on.

Obviously, Rochelle, has always been much, much, cooler than me. I've always been well aware of this, from the very first second I met her. Many times (especially in our teenage years) I would pinch myself  when we walked into a crowded party and everyone would start cheering. I knew it wasn't me the were cheering for, but I didn't care. I felt the same way about Rochelle. And I never stopped wondering, how in the world did this amazing girl become my best friend? I've always known how lucky I was to have her in my life. My gosh, I hardly remember a time in my life without Rochelle in it. We have been best friends and partners in crime  for thirty-seven years!

Was it coincidence or luck that brought us together? Both of us swear it was divine intervention. Because not only did we benefit from a chance meeting all those years ago, our Italian mothers took one look at each other and became instant, immediate, life-long friends as well.
Picture on the left we were about 8 years old: My Dad, sis Adrienne, Grandpa, Grandma, Mom Me & Roch.
Picture on the right: Rochelle and Me, at our church/Catholic school in California

Even though Rochelle and her family still live in California and I moved back to New Jersey years ago, we have remained best friends. We have been through so much together over the years: from surviving unholy big hair and bad fashion, to  boyfriends and break ups, the wonderful trips we took together, the horrendous trips we barely survived, great decision making and the very bad, providing a never-ending support system for one another through sickness and death of our loved ones, we helped each other get through school, meeting our husbands and getting married, having kids. The list goes on and on.
This is a classic from our "unholy" big hair days :)

You all know Jaybird here. If you think I'm the least  bit funny and my stories are a little crazy, know this- I've got nothing on Rochelle! So when you combine these two wackos and unleash the pair of us on the world- trust me, it goes way beyond crazy.

When I started to think of  the outrageous stuff and funny stories of what we've done together over the years, I couldn't narrow it down. My sister Adrienne called in the middle of me trying to put together this post and she asked what I was doing. When I told her, she laughed hard and added about three or four more wild memories of us to that list. By the time she was done we were both laughing so hard re-living them that I had to get off the phone before I peed!

Top: My  momma, my bestie Roch, her momma Marianne
My mom and Rochelle's on the beach in Ca, a few years ago

No matter what, no matter where I move or where I wind up in this life, I know this: I will always be there for Rochelle and she will always be there for me. I can only consider a bond like ours, and this kind of life-long friendship,  a God-given gift. Who's your BFF? Tell me about them!!

Rochelle, my sis Adrienne and Jaybird- from one of my more recent trips to go see her :)


Friday, April 19, 2013

A-Z Challenge Q is for Quelf

QUELF!! Oh my gosh this is the best board game, ever. Like, ever. Of all time. My family is into board games big time and we are always looking for a new fun game to play. We played Quelf all together for the first time after dinner on Easter and I honestly have never laughed so hard in my life. It was hysterical.

Some of the "action" cards we drew were unbelievable. Quelf is like a combo between a role playing game and a regular board game. Oh my gosh, we had the best time with it. Playing this game with my crazy family was hilarious. Have any of you ever played Quelf? Any of you ever play with a group of crazy Italians?  We take it to a whole new level!

PS: Sorry if I haven't responded to comments and/or dropped  many on your blogs, I'm having some computer drama. I have no idea what's going on, but I have a call into the Geek Squad my brother and hopefully, he will be able to figure it out and have everything back to normal soon.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

A-Z Challenge P is for People in Planes

Today's letter for the A-Z Challenge is P. I realized this morning I've been getting too carried away and most some of  my A-Z posts have been way too long. 

I have a tendancy to talk and write too much. Ironically, "If You Talk Too Much My Head Will Explode" by People in Planes, is one of my favorite songs.  So my "P" is for  People in Planes. How's that for short and sweet? ~Jaybird


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

O is for Octopus

Today's A-Z letter is O. Mine is going to stand for Octopus.  Let me fill you all in about the first time Jaybird and The Husband met an  Octopus.

We were in Hawaii, on our honeymoon. In an  attempt for The Husband and I (who are exact opposites) to agree on something we could do together, we decided it would be a good idea to try a boat trip that offered both scuba diving (for him) and snorkeling (for me).

For me to even agree to go snorkeling- was a stretch. But I was young and dumb and The Husband was able to convince me to go because this was before I knew how many things swim in the ocean with you in Hawaii. Please understand my ignorance of these things was due to the fact that prior to this I had  been swimming in  New Jersey beach waters, which are so dark it is generally unclear who or what is swimming right next to you. You're lucky if you can see your own two feet.
A rare sight: Jaybird snorkeling.

Things actually started out well for me on the way there. The sun was shining and a beautiful Hawaiian breeze was blowing. The water was calm and inviting. While The Husband was off talking SCUBA with a bunch of crazy people who were looking forward to doing it  I, as usual, went off on my own to find my fun. Right away, I met and made myself a fabulous new friend.

For some reason, gay men and I are like peanut butter and jelly; we just go really well together : )  It was fate that the one and only man on the boat (who wasn't there on his honeymoon or for his anniversary) was gay. Right away he and I, naturally gravitated towards one another. We fell into an instant camaraderie discussing our love of  Australian men (one in particular) and bonding over the bad fashion choices currently  surrounding us, while sipping delicious, fragrant  Kona coffees and noshing on some really fantastic croissants. Turns out, this wonderful new friend of mine, was a male nurse and a  guest of the Captain. We were having the best time too, until, the weather started getting rough and the tiny ship was tossed... And unfortunately, that tiny ship wasn't the only thing that was ready to toss.

When we finally reached our destination the waves were calm and we anchored. I thought it might make my stomach feel better if I just jumped in the water. Not a good choice. I wound up getting SO seasick. (Yes, I probably deserved it for being so catty and dissing the fashion victims surrounding me) In any event, I was miserable.

The Husband and all of the SCUBA peeps were somewhere around 60 feet or so below me when I started getting  sick. I can't even tell you how embarrassed I was. I thought I would die. But it gets better. Because I had essentially started chumming, I was attracting lots and lots of different types of fish around me. I looked up and OH MY GOSH, it was like out of the blue I was surrounded by a ton of sea creatures that wanted to EAT my sea sickness!!! And then, here comes a freaking OCTOPUS swimming towards me. Gah!

For those of you who know me, you know, I am  a big fat chicken! Seeing an octopus coming straight at me is like  a nightmare come to life. I think if it had come any closer, I would have passed out dead in the water. I was dying.  I had to get out of that water before it got me. But I was surrounded by sea creatures in every direction and I didn't know where to go or what to do. But God is good, and  He had lovingly provided me with a Guardian Gay. As soon as he saw I was in deep distress, he acted fast. He came to my rescue, throwing a floaty device out to me and gallantly pulled my chummy butt back up onto the ship beside him.

Did I mention how awesome my new friend was? Or that he happened to be a nurse?  Well, he was both. And he went above and beyond the call of duty to try to make me more comfortable and took such good care of me. He produced a warm, soft blanket from somewhere, a lollipop (to take the icky sick taste out of my mouth) a cold water bottle and two Dramamine. He stuck by my side the whole rest of the trip, refusing to budge an inch, even though I told him over and over to save himself; he did not have to go down with this sinking ship.
Me after getting sea sick. I'm still sucking on the lollipop stick.

At the end of the day, when The Husband's  air tank was finally empty and he came up out of the deep, he was met by quite a pitiful sight. But he was so excited and thrilled with his new discovery he didn't even notice the sad state I was in. He came up and said, "Babe, you have to come check this out!  You'll never guess what attached itself to my face mask. An Octopus! Isn't it the coolest thing  ever?"
The Husband and a friend.

If you ask The Husband and I about the first time we ever met an octopus, obviously  you will get two very different versions of the answer.

I'm sad to say I lost contact with my friend in Hawaii.  I tried to look him up on Facebook but never did find him. Even if he isn't an active part of my life now, I will never forget him or the kindness he showed me that day on the boat. :)

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A-Z Challenge N is for Not Cool.

We are thick in this A-Z Challenge now aren't we? Can't believe I made it this far with no theme. I have to admit to stretching myself a bit thin, trying to keep up writing a new post every day, visiting all my regular followers, answering comments and then trying to visit a bunch of new blogs for the challenge.  But I'm  committed to seeing this through. Today's post might reflect a bit of that s-t-r-e-t-c-h  though :) 

After I had my girls (three in three years) The Husband and I decided it would be best if I resigned from my job in Public Relations. I kept getting knocked up every time I was just about ready to go back anyway. Plus, I had three babies at home and the job required a rep who was willing to travel, work obscene hours, looked presentable and could speak coherently. Obviously, I had to quit.

A few years ago, looking for a little petty cash, I took on a part-time job working for a cleaning company in a popular Jersey Shore resort town.  After all the demanding jobs I've had in my life, I thought this one would be easy. I was so wrong!

Top Ten List Of Things About Jaybird's Job That Are Not Cool.

10. Just because I'm a maid with dark hair and skin, please don't automatically assume I speak Spanish and/or don't understand English. Not cool.
9.  Do not go away on vacation and all of a sudden forget how a toilet works. You must push the handle down in order for it to flush. Leaving me presents in the toilet, is so Not cool.
8. Since you have owned the same time share for ten years and the rules are made up by you, do not try and tell me  "oh my I just forgot" when you were supposed to check out. Not cool.
7.  If you decide to cook out on the grill, fantastic. But don't leave the leftovers on it. Unless you want to star in your own version of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. Not cool.
6. Dirty bastards, if you insist on bringing your hard core porn on vacation, please don't forget to take it with you when you go. Not cool.
5. If you come down with a group of friends and get absolutely shit-faced, that's cool. But don't forget how many friends you came with and leave one drunk idiot passed out in the closet. Not cool.
4. If you and your partner are planning on having a marathon love fest all weekend long, awesome! But if you are still going strong on Monday morning when Jaybird walks in, please don't ask her to "jump on in". Not cool.
3. When you have trashed the entire house beyond recognition, do not tell the maid, "Don't worry I'll hook you up doll" and hand her a frigging $5.00 bill in a pathetic attempt to make up for the mess. Not cool.
2.If a police officer shows up at a house you are supposed to be cleaning and says, "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to stand outside while I mark off the "crime scene" So NOT cool.
1. Do not assume that because Jaybird is a maid, she also happens to be a valet and throw your keys in her face thinking she's going to go park your freaking Bentley for you tool-bag. It's NOT cool. And it's also a really great way to loose your ride :)

Monday, April 15, 2013

M is for Middle Grade

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Middle Grade is one of my favorite genres to write in. I love slipping back into the mind of a middle grader. Although some would argue my mind has never really matured beyond that place, lol. Here's  the first (rough) 250 from my middle grade WIP, "Phony Bologna Mahoney" Hope you like it :) 

     Stomp! Stomp! Stomp! I stomped the entire way to the front of the class, making sure my second-hand combat boots made the loudest noise possible for my grand entrance. It's the first day of school. Again.

     The teacher says, "Class, we have a new student, Samantha Abigail Mahoney. Samantha, why don't you stand in front of the class and tell us something about yourself." Blah, blah, blah. I've been through this dozens of times before. Being the new kid is never easy. Because of my Dad's job I get to be the new kid every six months. Lucky me.

     Mumbling through the required intro takes me less than fifteen seconds; I've got it down to a science. Then, with every eyeball glued on me, I start to stomp my way spectacularly down the row of seats, heading towards the back of the classroom. Even I have to admit, I'm quite a sight. I've out done myself with this first day of school outfit; it's something of a masterpiece. 

     The boys were already whispering to each other about me. One decided to try and trip me while  I stomped on by. Another pretended to be coughing, but instead yelled, “Freak!” into his hand. A few of the girls shrank back when I passed by their desks, like they were scared or might catch something funky from me. I thought one kid's eyes were going to pop right out of his head. As I passed Pop-eye, he made the sign of the cross. Wow. I figured the kids in this town would react pretty strong to my goth fashion choices, but I never expected this!

     This reaction was going to make a sweet addition to my journal. I couldn't wait to go home and record it. I love to see what kind of reaction I can stir up on my first day.  Why do I do it, if I know all the kids are just gonna  make fun of me?

     Having to pick up and move every six months is tough. You try making new friends over and over again, only to have them drop you like a cheesy Hot Pocket a few months later. It's torture. So I  stopped trying. Instead, I choose to reinvent myself on the first day at every new school I attend. I can be anyone I want to be, as long as it's not me. And if the stupid kids at my new school laugh or call me names, who cares? It wasn't like they were laughing at the “real” Samantha Mahoney. Because the real Sam was hidden away, safe from anyone ever getting to know her. Well, everyone except for Gran.

     Gran Mahoney is the coolest human being on the face of the earth. I could tell Gran anything. Like the time I “borrowed” Dad's brand new Smartphone and brought it with me to sit outside by the pool. But then the ice cream truck came and I put it in my pocket and forgot all about it. Until a little later, when the ice cream melted and chocolate dripped all over my shorts and got them all sticky and I had the brilliant idea to jump in the pool, shorts and all.  Yeah, well.

     Some good did come out of that whole mess. I learned a few things (1) Never jump in the pool with your Dad's brand new Smartphone in your pocket (2) Gran could keep a secret locked up tighter than the CIA. (3) If I ever get myself  in a jam, there is only one person in this entire world I can count on and that's Gran. I sure as heck could never count on Mom. And ever since she took off, I certainly couldn't count on Dad, either.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

L is for Lizard

This is our lizard, King Tut. He has quite a personality. Much more then I expected. He likes to snuggle up on my daughter's neck and shoulders, burying his little head in her hair. They will sit together like that for hours, just chilling out. I know I kind of carried on a bit about having to bring crickets into my house to feed him, but as long as my daughter keeps on doing it herself, and I don't have to see them or touch them it's really not a problem. She is obsessed with lizards and dragons. Especially the Komodo Dragon that lives in the Galapagos Islands. I guess I should be thankful she didn't ask Santa for one of those for Christmas, huh? I think King Tut is kind of cute- what do you think?

Friday, April 12, 2013

K is for Kick-boxing

One of my daughters, who I brag about relentlessly may have mentioned before, Farrah, takes Muay Thai. One of her instructors/masters is a champion and comes straight from Thailand. He barely even speaks any English. But this dude is FOR REAL.

There is no playing around in his do jo. His place is not cute. He will not advance a kid up in their belts, unless they prove themselves and he thinks they really, truly deserve/earned it. There are no little birthday parties or  promotions held there. Cripes, he doesn't even have air conditioning! Oh my gawd in August it's so freaking hot in there it smells like schweaty pits so bad; that place gets RIIIIIPE! But my kid and anybody else who chooses to go there, will learn how to freaking kick-box like a champ. And they will learn fast.

My daughter, is not your average-sized ten year old. She's one of the tallest in her grade and she's really thick. Kids can sometimes be mean about it (and grown-ups too) Despite being so chubby, Farrah's strong. Really strong. (She inherited her father's strength which is kind of freakish and unhuman-like) She's also a little shy and quiet. (unlike her mother) So, my daughter, never said a word, but felt really bad whenever Master Komsak would place her up against all the other little girls in her class. She started holding back, big time, afraid she would hurt somebody. When Master K realised what was going on, he switched things up and made her fight some of  the older boys. Good plan for a little while, but most of them are smaller than her too and she still  hesitated when having to hit/kick them. One day, Master K did a random exercise where he challenged everyone in the gym to see how far they could kick one of his work out mats. When it was Farrah's turn, she kicked it so hard it wound up in the freaking locker room- nobody could believe it! (He even gave it to her- to keep as a little prize) After that, he decided he would be the one to spar with Farrah. But he made her promise NOT to hold back.

I have to say, my girls have made me proud  many, many times in the past, for many different reasons. But I have never been so proud of my daughter as I was the day I saw how much that kid had really been holding back and what she was capable of. HOLY CRAP!

When they were done, Master was winded. Winded! My chubby kid winded a Grand Champion.(Wouldn't that make a great bumper sticker?)   All excited, in his broken English and with a gleam in his eye, he came over to talk to The Husband and I about Farrah and her skillz.

He told us, that since Farrah was a lefty, and there aren't that many in the kick-boxing world, if she keeps doing what she's doing, she could become, wait for it:   "UNSTOPPABLE!"
Sorry for the pic quality, but this was an action shot and I'm photograph challenged.
Farrah is sparring with Master K in the background.  

Here's a nice shot of the kids warming up. And  the little size difference I talked about.

I thought The Husband was going to burst. I have to admit, I was pretty much ready to burst with pride myself.  I am so happy she was able to find something physical she loves to do. Not only does she love it, but excels at it. And that's something no mean kid or grown up can ever take away from her.
Here's Frankie and I at the gym, sweating our butts off, watching Farrah spar.
BTW, there is something inherently wrong with just sitting there watching someone come up and hit your kid.
I know that's how kick-boxing works, but sometimes, I have to sit on my hands. Cause it makes this momma a little crazy!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

J is for Jacked Up

So, I promised Michael Offutt, since I made him really sad with my letter “H” post the other day, I'd be back to my usual self and posting something ridiculous really soon. Well, here it is.
Jaybird, is jacked up. For reals. Let me tell you why. (if you are a regular follower, you could probably save us some time here and list all the reasons yourself..) It's not always easy for me to pull it together and get out of the house, especially in the morning. For those of you who don't know me, it's not because I'm a closet drinker (although I might be rethinking that position, after this morning's escapades) but because I have an auto-immune disease that makes it a little difficult to spring right up and out of bed sometimes. Anyway, this morning, I had to push myself to get up and go before I was really ready. And it showed.

I, was a disaster, from head to toe! My hair was not only uncombed, but a perfect place for a rat to nest and sadly in need of a dye job. My face, (oh, the horror) was make-up less! Argh. I ALWAYS wear make-up. I feel naked without it. And generally, I don't leave the house with any less make-up  than a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race. But on this particular morning, I lacked the time. But that's not the worst of it, because my face, in addition to being make-up less, had a giant pimple, smack dab in the middle of my chin. Now, let's talk wardrobe. Lord, have mercy, I am cringing while I type this. I was wearing my 20+ year old Star Wars t-shirt and my daughter's sweat pants. My daughters sweats! What was I thinking?  But believe it or not, my appearance, although jacked, is not why Jaybird is jacked up.

I'm jacked up, because this morning, after successfully avoiding my ex-boyfriend for close to ten years, I  bumped into him. Today. Of all the mornings in my life, son of a bitch, I see him this morning rocking my Lindsay Lohan in prison looks more pulled together than me outfit! There was no way I could run in the other direction and avoid him either. We literally bumped into each other! And now, holy crap, this Bird wants to bury her head in the sand and DIE of humiliation.

Why oh why, of all days, did I have to see him today? Screw Murphy. It must be Jaybird's Law. The jacked up part about all of this, is how much I care. Not because I still care about the ex, oh my Lord no. I have been pretty out in the open here about how douchey some of my ex-boyfriends were. Well, this one, let's just say, was the Grand Master  Douche of them all.  I am also honest about my relationship with The Husband. Those of you who follow this blog, know I am TAKEN. With a capital T. I have three kids and am happily married. I love my husband with all my heart and would never even dream of stepping out on him. (Unless Wolverine ever happens to show up on my doorstep; in an extreme HJ emergency like that, there just might be a little line crossing, lol. ) What I'm so seriously jacked up about is how come I care so much about how bad I looked? 

I know this might come as a shock to some of you, but I used to be cute, back in the day. But now, oh my good Lord. Now, I look like the fat-assed, grey-haired, ogre that ATE Jaybird. There is nothing cute about me. I'm a disaster. I'm mortified. My pride has taken a huge hit. And some things, as we all know, can't be unseen. How much do you wanna bet the ex went home and told everyone he knows, how completely pathetic I looked? Gah! 

This "J" post is so jacked up. I'm so jacked up. I SHOULD NOT care what the Grand Master Douche of ex-boyfriends thinks about me. But I do. Damn it, I do! And I realize this entire post could be reposted under the letter W for "Waaaaa!" because of all the whining. Sorry. Bout. That. On the bright side, guess who just found all the motivation in the world to loose some freaking weight? Oh yeah, it's on!!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I is for Inspiration

First, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who left such wonderful comments and postive feedback on yesterday's "H" post. Wow. I was blown away from all the responses I received. A million thank yous! I really appreciate your comments and take each and every one of them to heart.

On to the letter I- Where does your inspiration come from? My inspiration, like my writing, is all over the place.  Life in general and how different people choose to live it, tends to inspire me most. It's capturing the simple, every day little things that I love. I've gone to places as lame and mundane  as the grocery store and have somehow, come away totally inspired by someone or something! Of course, it never hurts to travel to far off, beautiful beaches in exotic places either :) 

Here are just a few views I've drawn inspiration from!! What do you see? Wishing you all a very INSPIRING  day, xo -Jaybird






*PS: I have to give photo cred and props to my daughter, Faith. She has an amazing eye and is a wonderful little photographer- unlike her mother, who tends to cut everybody's head off, lol.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

H is for Hurrah

Sweat is pouring down my back. The music in my ears pounding almost as hard as my feet pound the hot pavement. But I don't care. I'm pushing myself beyond what's comfortable. That's what we do.

"Huurrah!" A gung ho Marine shouts as he passes me. The path is full of them today. Marines running to my left, Marines running to my right. But none of them, are you.

I'm alone. All alone. Stuck here without you, in this foreign place, full of foreign rules. And I hate,  hate, hate it. Stick to the path! Don't go beyond the borders. Make sure you are indoors before dark. Always cover up. Don't even dream of going anywhere without an escort. Preferably a male.

Living backwards like this is just so frustrating. Damn it. You know me. Better than anyone else in the world. You knew I would come, knew it would be hard for me. But I know you, too.  First to fight, always ready to charge off and stand up for what's right. Well, here I am. Seeing what you saw, eating what you ate, running where you ran and sleeping where you slept, all these months, without me. You were right. Living here is like being trapped in a beautiful all- inclusive Sandals resort. Except instead of the ocean safely blocking you in, it's an M-16 pointing in your face.

But I'm not going anywhere. Not without you. I can do stubborn too. Sit, stand, salute. Play by the rules. Then sit and wait some more. Time stands still and yet somehow manages to march on. Every day like the one before. I wait and wait for you.

Finally, you're here. My Marine is back. M-16s  are going off, inside and outside my head. Bang, bang, bang. My Marine is back. But no longer will we push each other, running side by side.  They fold up your flag and march it over in my direction.  "Hurrah"  I whisper, as they place it in my hands.

Monday, April 8, 2013

G is for Game of Thrones

*This weekend was really rough over at the Bird's Nest. The Husband and I had to say goodbye to a good  friend who lost his battle with leukemia. He was actually in the hospital waiting for his bone marrow transplant (his sister was all prepped and ready to go) but he never even got the chance to have the operation; his heart gave out. He left behind a beautiful wife Gabrielle, a ten year old son named David, four sisters who are just devastated and a ton of family and friends who are really going to miss him.  I have to be honest and tell you my heart is a bit broken. The funeral is this afternoon and I'm not certain how I'm going to hold it together and be there for my friend Gabby (his wife).  But I'm going to do my best. Thankfully (for once) I had my letter "G" post all written and ready to go in advance. I just wanted everyone to know what was going on so if you don't see any comments from me today, you would understand why.* 

Oh man, I'm such a Game of Thrones fangirl I couldn't wait to type this post! I turn into a HUGE blob of nerd when it comes to George R. R. Martin and his books. And I'm really loving the series on HBO. I think the writers and actors (especially Peter Dinklage) are doing a stand up job of adapting Martin's books and characters.

One of my favorite characters is Dani a/k/a Daenerys Stormborn. Here's one of my all time favorite kick-ass quotes of hers:

"Woman?” She chuckled. “Is that meant to insult me? I would return the slap, if I took you for a man.” Dany met his stare. “I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, khaleesi to Drogo’s riders, and queen of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.” 

Ha ha- suck on that title!! She is made of awesome. One of the things I love so much about her is her strength and resilience. All of the female characters in Martin's books just kick ass, but to me, she is the toughest of them all.

Despite having an evil twin brother Viserys, who has tried to slap her down and keep her under his thumb her whole life and who eventually decides to sell her in marriage to Khol Drogo, she finds a way to come out of the situation, victorious. The Dothraki are known to be a vicious, hard-core, savage people and Khol Drogo was King of them all. Somehow, Dani managed to tap into the softer side of her husband and win him over, finding a genuine respect and true love for one another.  (I love that she referred to her husband, "Shekh ma shieraki anni" Dothraki for my sun and stars and Khal Drogo tenderly referred to her as "Yer jalan atthirari anni" or moon of my life )

When she looses her beloved husband and her son, the people expect her to crumble. But not Dani. She walks through fire, (literally) and comes out, unburnt, on the other side. She has proven herself to be a woman who is not to be trifled with. One that is strong-willed, determined and not so easily defeated.  I don't know about you but I am looking forward to seeing her continue on her journey to  take back her rightful place as the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Who's your favorite George R.R. Martin character? Love the books, and/or the TV series? How do you feel HBO is doing in adapting the books?  What's your favorite quote or scene? Anyone else trying to learn Dothraki, like me, lol? Here's one of my fav scenes from Season I. But be warned- if you've never seen this before, it's totally rad, but equally gruesome...

Saturday, April 6, 2013

F is for Fatness

F is for fatness. As in, my ass has achieved maximum fatness. It's been creeping up on me for awhile now and since I can't see behind me I chose to ignore it. The time has come when I can no longer ignore what has become of my posterior, yet I can't really find the motivation I need to do anything about it. What a conundrum!
Even the kittens in my care, are destined to be fat.

In the past, I've taken some interesting and somewhat drastic measures to loose weight. For example, once I only allowed myself to eat meals while sitting in front of a mirror. Nothing kills an appetite faster than watching you feed your fat face. Another time I lost weight by telling The Husband to take a picture of me in my bathing suit. Then I taped that big bitch right to the front of the refrigerator. Every time I came close to opening the frig, I would simply have to turn around and walk away. Unfortunately, all of the scare tactics I have successfully used before, are no longer working their magic.

What's changed? Perhaps it's my age. Maybe it's because I can no longer exercise like I used to and I feel like it's hopeless. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because I've been hanging out with a certain group of friends who are larger than life and don't give a flippin shiz about being fat. They look at me and say, "You call that an ass? That ain't nothing. You be tripping!"  When they go out, they hold their heads high, and own it! They honestly feel good about themselves and not only do they feel good but they will flat out tell you, "Damn, I look good today!" Man, I wish I could adapt that attitude and confidence indefinitely, (it's truly unparallelled) but that's not me. And deep down, I know I'm in trouble.

The fatness needs to stop- I have gone way beyond a weight  that's healthy for me. After months of  doing nothing to curb the fatness, I have no idea how to flip that switch and start doing something about it again! Honestly, you would think I'd be desperate to do something now that my thighs are stuck together and are chafe, chafe, chafing away. But that motivation hasn't magically happened, yet.

Excuses, excuses. Here's where I dump a ton of them on you. At some point or another in my life, I've given just about every diet known to man a go. But I don't do well on any organized diets, like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. My stint on WW was very short lived. If I had to describe the experience using only two words they would be: Epic Fail. I ate all my points for breakfast and had none for the rest of the day! And don't get me started on all the diets that cut out carbs forever. Seriously? What's the likelihood of successfully inspiring this Italian girl to give up bread and pasta forever and ever?  Not bloody likely! So, yeah, I'm not really all gung ho to go sign up for any diet plans.

So, what to do? what to do? Here I sit, on my ginormous bum, stuck in this odd spot, knowing I really need to loose the weight, yet piling on the excuses why I can't and lacking the overall motivation necessary to fight the good fight. I guess the bottom line is despite the ever-increasing size of my ass cheeks, I haven't quite hit rock bottom. Can any of you relate to this feeling of being caught in the middle? Ever feel like just giving up on your battle against fatness? Have you come up with any great excuses, like me? Or maybe, just maybe, you are like my rare and wonderful group of friends who can cruise through life happy, not giving a flying frig about their weight, because no matter what, they know they look good!

Friday, April 5, 2013

E is for Emergencies

Have you ever been the first one on a scene, or in a true emergency? How do you react? I am SO ashamed to admit- I'm absolutely useless in an emergency.  I sweat. I cry. I panic and hyper-ventilate. And for days afterwards, I will suffer from lovely stomach ailments like massive cramps, vomiting and diarrhea. No joke. I completely fall apart. I am NOT the person you want to be with if there's an accident. God help me, I don't know why I react this way; it's like the brain inside my head suddenly shrivels up to the size of a pea and my stomach turns to absolute mush. Why? Why am I so useless? My whole family (other than me) comes from a medical background. They talk casually over dinner about stuff that makes me gag and start to shake and sweat. Why was I born without the gene or ability to stay calm, cool and collected in an emergency?

When my daughter Farrah was born, she had a respiratory problem where she would all of a sudden turn blue and stop breathing. I was not permitted to take her home from the hospital until I was trained in infant CPR.  The Husband and I had to take special training classes just to learn how to use her emergency breathing monitor. Right in the middle of the class, at just the thought of me having to perform CPR on my infant, I had to jump up and run to the bathroom to go vomit. Thank the Lord (for my kids and myself) I chose a husband wisely. That man has had years of training and experience in CPR and emergency response. The Husband can pretty much respond to any type of disaster, natural or otherwise and remain completely, unfailingly, calm. Unlike me. It's seriously humbling to know, that if something really bad goes down, your kids are better equipped to handle things than you are. But how does one go about changing years of inability?

On Easter last year, (at my house) my beloved twelve year old niece suffered a grand mal seizure.  It came out of no where and it came as a HUGE shock, to me. Thank God, my family was all there and were able to respond quickly and efficiently. They  knew immediately what was happening to her and what to do to keep her safe. But, as usual, I crumbled. Right to pieces. I had NO idea what you're supposed to do and I highly doubt even if I did, I would have been able to execute what needed to be done properly. I still have nightmares about seeing her unresponsive like that, for so long. I can't seem to burn that horrible image from my mind. Maybe it was the shock or maybe it's because I watched her mother, (my sister) suffer so tremendously before she died,  I just flat out lost it.  Even though my niece has since been diagnosed with epilepsy, and has been placed on medication and is perfectly fine now, that scene still haunts me. And it most likely, always will.

Believe it or not, I've taken lots of classes and I possess a tremendous amount of medical knowledge. I am a very compassionate person and have taken care of plenty of people who are sick and/or dying. It's not like I lack empathy- quite the opposite.  It's the putting all of that knowledge into practice and not panicking during an emergency, that I lack. Does anyone else find themselves (to their shame and horror) reacting like me? Have any of you been able to overcome your trepidation and turn yourself into an EMT? I'd love to hear from you.  Have you, could you or do you see yourself ever working in an ER?  If you are in the field, let me just take a moment here to say, great big fat THANK YOU for doing what you do!

* I find it ironic that my mom, aunts, brother, father, husband, uncles, cousins, mother in law, practically everyone in my life, (other than me) has worked as nurses, techs, doctors, corpsmen, in labs and in hospital ERs and yet, I'm so freaking useless, I can't even watch the damn TV show without breaking into a sweat! Ugh.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

D is for the Double Deuce

Ah. The Double Deuce.  Welcome to my morning, it's been a real Doozy. Today was supposed to be lovely. It's Spring Break for my kids, so we have been keeping mighty busy. But last night the girls were shipped off to sleep over at that magical place where they can Do no wrong and always have the time of their lives: Grandma's house. Now, I could sit here and write an entire post on the sights and sounds of G-ma's house alone, but the letter of the Day is "D".  And I Digress.

With the kids out of the way I thought I could get some much needed work Done around the house. Since I still  have Dishes piled up in my sink from Easter, (Don't judge me. I have to use every single set of Dishes I own in order to feed the army of people who show up at my house for holidays!) I Decided a good place to start would be with the Dishes. But my Dishwasher, Decided otherwise. So, 6:30 a.m., my first D was Down. The Dishwasher Died. Water started pouring out the sides of it. Which would generally indicate things are not good. I'm not a repair kind of girl, but I'm pretty sure the Dishwasher is Done. After cleaning up that Disaster, and Downing a much needed cup of coffee, I thought, well, let me go start on the laundry...
Not the most flattering picture of me, but here I am, throwing my Double Deuces up 
In a busy house like mine, laundry is a never ending job. Daily, I wake up, turn on the coffee pot and put in a load of laundry. I don't Deviate from this schedule. Even when we go on vacation, I Don't take a break. I will always wind up Doing a couple of loads of laundry, so I Don't get backed up when we come home.  But guess what happened this morning when I took the soaking wet clothes out of the washing machine and placed them in the Dryer? It wouldn't start. Yep. My freaking Dryer, like the stupid Dishwasher, Decided today was a good Day to Die hard too. Damn.

So here I sit, Double Deuced. But I'm going to try very hard not to Despair. To be perfectly honest, when The Husband and I first got married, we had neither a Dryer nor a Dishwasher. (Unless you count my two hands.) and I survived. It's just the inconvenience and expense of both of those appliances going at the same time that's left me a little Disheartened today. What about you?  How's your "D" day going so far? Has it been Devine or are you feeling the full effects of the  Double Deuce, like me?