About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Birthday FFF Answers

If you didn't read yesterday's Birthday Friday Fact or Fiction Post, you might want to take a look before reading the answers here...

What can I say this week, other than #1-4 are all FACT! Let me elaborate.
#1. Well, I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.... I already said way too much.
#2.  Yes, I got into a fight on the floor of the Barnes & Noble. But it wasn't my fault! This is what happened:

The Husband took child #1 and 3 to the cafe to do their homework, while child #2 and I went to check out the awesome display of Hobbit swag. While we were perusing it, I suddenly noticed a very small display with a purple Furby sitting on the floor nearby. I couldn't believe it! I had been trying to find a "Voodoo Purple" Furby for a few weeks, because child #3, (who still believes in Santa) really, really wants one. It's first on her list. I got down on the floor and said,

"Hey, Farrah, look, a purple Furby!" Oh, I thought, the box is kind of busted up and it's a bit dirty, but as my hands reached out to grab it, they caught only air. Because now standing in front of me, was a grey-haired, suit and tie wearing tool, holding MY purple Furby in his clutches. He grabbed it right out of my hands!

I looked up and said, "Really?" because I couldn't believe this tool  just snatched it from my hands!
And he replied, "That's how it is!"  What, a D-bag.

At this point, I knew I was dealing with a sub-par human being. Arguing with this lesser being in front of Child #2, would only lower me to his position . Especially when Child #2 asks:
"Mom, can I hurt  him?" (I thought it was very polite of her to ask...)
But I still said, "Um, NO."  (She wasn't happy, but went on to ask...)
"OK then, can I go get Daddy so he can really hurt him?"

At the mention of "Daddy"  suit and tie wearing tool started to back-pedal...
"My kid really wants one and I've been searching the Internet and couldn't find a purple one
(Immediately I thought, yeah, dude, I'm sitting here on the floor of Barnes & Noble, with a fever, on my birthday, because I wanted a purple Furby, all for myself. Jack-hole!@!)
Child #2 who always has my cell phone, rolled her eyes, and began texting her father. I knew if The Husband was added to this scenario, NO good would come of it. So, I said,
"You should walk away. Now."
He looked at me like I had two heads. I repeated myself.
"Go. Right now, before I change my mind and I let my ten year old kick your ass sideways." (This, is my favorite  part...He smirked.)
In a blink,  Child #2 dropped her books to the floor, raised her fists and took a fighter's stance. Something about the practiced way she moved, and her serious intent, made him take a STEP BACK. (I know, what a pud...right?) Or maybe he  thought to himself, "Holy crap, if this is the kid, what the hell is The Father like?"

Whatever his reasoning, the tool ran. And it was a good thing he did too. Because I have no doubt in my mind, my daughter Farrah, would have wiped the floor with that D-bag! And holy crap if The Husband had seen what went down a few minutes earlier, LORD have mercy! There would have been no pieces of D-bag left to pick up...

I'm proud of myself for telling him to walk away before he got hurt, caused a scene and I sent my daughter the wrong kind of Christmas message.  Keeping things contained and going the classy route, always turns out for the best anyway.

After he walked away, a supremely awesome teenage girl in a Batman sweatshirt walked up and told me she saw everything.. She said she was sorry he was such a butt munch and handed me a  VOODOO PURPLE FURBY in a pristine box that she found hidden behind the display of the one he stole! Ha.

#3. I told The Husband not to buy me anything for my birthday because I have been sick again and unable to work, so we are short on petty cash. He didn't listen. And I'm glad. Because he found this book at Goodwill for $3.00 and I absolutely LURVE it!

The picture above shows the marvelous plastic bag from Goodwill that doubled as wrapping paper. And the book, which I am loving, is filled with poetry and sonnets and John William Waterhouse pictures. He is one of my all-time favorite artists and I have copies of his pictures, hanging all over my house. Including the one depicted on the cover. That's what caught The Husband's attention so he picked it up. BEST $3.00 birthday present ever.


#4. Thank you precious Kitty, Mommy just loved her 2:00 a.m. wake-up call and birthday present.

There you have it. Well, it couldn't possibly be my birthday, if it didn't involve crazy, right?
Wishing everyone a very wonderful weekend! ~Jaybird


  1. That guy is such a tool. And go, Farrah. Yeah! Also, that book from your husband is sooo sweet.

  2. #2 is an awesome story, and #2 is an awesome kid.

  3. hahhaha oooooh I had a Furby when I was younger :p

  4. "Can I hurt him?" I love that. How hilarious. And simultaneously, what a d-bag. Who does that while their mother is standing right in front of it about to grab it? I'm glad you ended up getting one anyway, and I'm glad you got a chance to shake that guy up. I bet he probably won't be doing that again.

    Also, you're definitely not in over your head with our contest. You're a writer AND you're creative. You've got quite the leg up. We're excited to see what you come up with!