About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Stalking Hugh Jackman Friday Fact or Fiction

Welcome to my Friday Fact or Fiction Post. This is where I post three little bits of my crazy life and you can vote on which you think are FACT or FICTION. The answers are posted on Saturday. This week, I went with one of my favorite past times: stalking HUGH JACKMAN.

#1. Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have lusted after certain "Sexiest Man Alive" pictures of  HJ so long and so hard, that she felt completely convicted. She decided the only way to get rid of this guilt, was  to go to Confession. The priest, after hearing her confession, MAY or MAY NOT have said: "You again? Say three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers...and for the love of GOD, stop watching those X-men movies, geez!!"

#2. Mr. Hugh Jackman, MAY or MAY NOT currently have a restraining order pending against Jaybird and a couple of her gays.  This restraining order MAY or MAY NOT stem from a "loitering incident" that allegedly took place outside of HJ's erm, New York apartment building back in December...
(***On a side note ladies, despite the rampant rumors flying around, it's only a GAY URBAN LEGEND.  HJ bats for our team****)
#3. After standing on line for hours at a Comic-Con Convention, Jaybird finally, finally, had the chance to meet HJ.  When it was her turn to get an autograph and actually speak to WOLVERINE, her favorite superhero OF ALL TIME, she MAY or MAY NOT have been able to talk. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Not a peep. All she could do was stand there and stare like an idiotic mouth  breather...
And just for shizzles and giggles, I thought I would ask you  to VOTE ON THIS

Thanks for the continued participation guys..I really appreciate all the comments.
Happy Friday Fact or Fiction All!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Stylish/Versatile Blogger Awards and How I Spent Memorial Day

When I saw that Robin, at Robin Writes  gave me the Versatile Blogger Award and Ilima over at Ka'ao:Tell a Fanciful Tale, awarded me the Stylish Blogger Award, I was shocked.  What did I do to deserve such recognition? I'll never know. Most of my posts are just dribble and ridiculous and all about me ranting and rambling on and on..so not worthy over here, but I'll take it ladies!! (Seriously, thank you!)

SOOO, in usual Jaybird fashion, what was supposed to be a fun Memorial Day spent hanging at Six  Flags having a great time:

Yep. BTW, this is child #2. The very SAME child I just had at the ER last week for a broken toe. Ugh. You can tell from big sister Faith's crossed arms and  ANGRY BIRD  facial expression, she was less than thrilled to have our Day-O-Fun end in such a spectacular fashion. But end it did, with child  #2 (Farrah) passing out due to heat exhaustion..

Happy to report, after taking a little rest-a-roo in the air conditioning, and drinking lots of Gatorade and water, she made a full recovery. Me, not so much. It was my turn to wilt. (No pictures necessary of that disaster!)  Anyhow, that's the last time The Husband  and I will wait on line, in that kind of  heat, just to "validate" our season passes. Never again. What a nightmare!

Hope all of  my fellow Americans spent Memorial Day weekend in a much better place than I spent mine!

Thanks again Ilima and Robin! 

Oh, and I am supposed to pass this on... We all know I have absolutely no clue how to do that.
So I'll just list the names here:  These wonderful bloggers deserve it, much more than I do!
Just consider yourselves tagged, LOL

Writing on The Wall
Isobel Bandeira
Limey  YA Lit Girl
Life on The Muskoka River
Good Youngman Brown

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Blog Hop Promo

Just signed up for this fun Blog Hop. If you didn't sign up yet, get on over to Jaycee DeLorenzo's Blog, or Victoria's at Confessions of a Twenty Something Fiction Writer.. Their last hop "Oh My Hero" was a full of hotness, and a ton of fun. What are you still doing here??  Get on over there, and sign up already!!!

How it Works:

Interview a heroine of your manuscript, novel, or WIP by a fellow female counterpart also from one of your written works. Your featured heroine can be interviewed by her best friend, a heroine from another one of your written works, a sister, the opportunities are endless!
Have your heroine answer at least 3 of the questions recommended below or make up your own!

  • Post a picture of your heroine, the interviewer, or both!
  • Post a song for the theme of the interview or a song that reflects your featured heroine's personality.
  • Follow Victoria and me on our blogs.
  • Post our hop button! (Though not required, feel free to repost on your blog about the hop!)
  • Post your entries on June 22, 2012 and hop around the other blogs through the linky!

For this hop, the interview will have more of a "girls chatting" type feel because after all, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun! So feel free to write it like a short scene in a book!

Here are the recommended questions for it:

1. How would you describe your hero?

2. What's your biggest date horror story?

3. What turns you off from a guy the most?

4. What's the best date you ever had?

5. Kiss on the first date?

6. What gets a guy a second date?

7. Boxers or briefs on your guy?

8. What is one thing you believe can tell a lot about a person?

9. What attracts you to a guy the most?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Jaybird Flew the Coop

Hey guys!  This week I kind of flew the coop. I have not been home much and just sketched. So sorry, but I  have no Fact or Fiction post today. And please accept my apologies for not being around to comment much. I'll try to visit as many of you as I can and make up for it.

 Here are just a few of the things I've been up  to this week:
1. Tie dyed 150 shirts for  "Field Day" at my kids school.
2. Took my WIP off it's time out. Started to almost like it again.
3. Arm wrestled with an old man for the last package of chop meat at Shop Rite. (Memorial Day weekend at the Jersey Shore is insanity. It's the kick off to the summer season and I really hate how crowded it gets down here.)
4. I worked my butt off this week at my "real job" cleaning, trying to help my boss get ready for the opening weekend/summer season. Which was absolutely EXHAUSTING!!
5. Attended my cousin's graduation. Started prepping/cooking for her party tomorrow. Woo hoo. Congratulations Lauren! So proud of her. xoxoxo
My beautiful cousin Lauren, who just obtained her  Master's Degree, and her husband John

6. My 9 year old broke her toe. Even though I know they can't do much, I still took her to the ER because she was in  a lot of pain. Five hours later....
7. The next day, I had the pleasure of having all three kids home sick.  Tried to forget I had a fever and was sick too... because Moms can't be sick.
8. Read "Fifty Shades of Grey" because I just had to see what everyone was going on about....

9. Unfortunately, fought like cats and dogs with The Husband this week :(   It was all  about stupid crap a/k/a nothing important, at all.  We are only fighting because he is behaving like a giant crabby TOOL. He is on a diet and is hungry and overall freaking MISERABLE. (See my post "Aliens May Have Abducted The Husband")
10.Baked 35 cupcakes. Brought them to my kid's Second Grade Class and then read them, "If You Give a Cat a Cupcake"
11. Tried to think of a brilliant Fact or Fiction post for this week, but realized my brain was too fried. Decided to post this lame list instead. Oh, and I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a lot.

Monday, May 21, 2012

I believe the end is near, or Aliens may have abducted The Husband.

Friends, I think the end is near. Yesterday, I heard some words fall from the lips of The Husband I never in a million years imagined I would hear. I'm quite convinced the world is coming to an end. I'll repeat his words for you now, even though I still haven't quite wrapped my own brain around them. He said: "Well, it's official. I am at my all time fattest. Tomorrow, I'm going to start a diet." WHAT?

Surely, The Husband I know and love for the past 15 years has been abducted by aliens! Maybe his mind was taken over and twisted into something Other.. How could this have happened? How could this be true? How could THOSE words ever come out of my Husband's mouth??? This is cra-zy talk coming from someone like him. Let me introduce you to just some reasons why those words are so out of character.

Since I've known him, the man has vehemently objected to any kind of restricted eating. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even consider any food intake an actual meal, unless it includes copious amounts of red meat and at least a tablespoon or two of bacon fat! These words are blasphemy, coming from a man who refuses to even hang out with someone on a diet, since he considers them to be "too hungry to be any fun". Might I remind you, this was the very same man who recently added FRIED MACARONI AND CHEESE to my healthy, turkey burgers!  ("see my post How to Un-healthy Turkey Burgers, The Husband's Way")  My friends, we're talking about a guy, whose favorite form of exercise is to eat meatball subs on the couch while he watches me work out!!!

Could he really be serious? After years of trying to get him to change his wicked ways, I had just about given up all hope. I stopped asking him to go with me on walks, to the gym or to try a new "healthy" recipe. I stopped getting on his case about his pants being too tight and just started buying him bigger sizes. I also stopped pointing out that no one else eats three sandwiches and considers it "a warm up" before a meal.

I have no idea what triggered this kind of apocalyptic response in him, but I am grateful for it. The hardest thing for me to do, (as always) is to hold my tongue, and try not to react to his declaration. I have wanted him to eat healthy for so long, I can barely contain my excitement. Here's hoping admitting to having a problem is truly the first step to recovery...and in the meantime, just to be safe, I'll be watching intently for any signs of unidentified flying objects, crop circles, and little green men.

I think I have AD, oh shiny!

I think I have AD, oh shiny! My brain can't seem to focus. This week  I set the stupid toaster oven on fire not once, not twice, but three freaking times!  And today, I opened up to the microwave oven only to find my lunch from yesterday! Also, I tied one of my tennis shoes, but somehow forgot to tie the other! I know I can hide behind my illness and brain fog, but I think it's much, much more than that.

As a writer,  I tend to retreat mentally, a lot. My family will be talking to me and then all of a sudden I think about a perfect line my MC would say in a certain situation, and I'm off again. Sometimes, I just start staring off into space, and my kids will joke about it, saying, "And, we've lost her!" Do any of my writer friends ever find themselves in similar situations?

A long, long, time ago, (in a galaxy far away) when I was born, there were no cute  acronyms for kids like me. Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) had no name, no diagnosis. My poor mom didn't have a clue what to do with me. She couldn't throw me on meds and call it a day. It didn't help that I followed two superior beings, my older sisters. They were both extremely intelligent, high achievers, super quiet, polite, well-mannered and overall perfect children to raise. 

I will never forget the joy and  delight on the teacher's faces, when they saw my last name on their rosters. And I certainly won't forget their hard disappointment when they quickly realized I was nothing like my two older sisters!!  (For example, my sister Adrienne graduated from high school with the label of "Class Shy" and three years later, I graduated with the title of "Most Talkative" )

Anyone else struggle with this type of brain fog? If so, how does it affect your writing? Your every day life?

Saturday, May 19, 2012

All The Single Ladies, Fact or Fiction Answers!

If you didn't read yesterday's All the Single Ladies, Fact or Fiction post, you might want to before reading the answers here!

#1. FACT. This is True! My girlfriend still doesn't believe me that this was a coincidence. Especially since Nick Cage played along so well, and the club treated us like they knew we were coming!

Here is a picture of my BFF Rochelle, my sister A, & me, out and about in CA.

My sister Adrienne & Me
#2. FICTION.  Although,  I did know a girl who lived at the Bunny House, which sits directly across the street from the Playboy Mansion. We were warned that security at Hef's place is ridiculous and they will arrest and prosecute all trespassers, immediately.

#3. FACT. OMG how badly do I want to deny this?  But I can't. First, I feel bad my inebriated friends took over a club and corrupted my normally shy and quiet sister. But I wanted to kill one of  those inebriated "friends" of mine for giving that male stripper who ate my pizza, my phone number. (Never, ever, mess with a hungry Sicilian's pizza!!) He called me everyday for a month to try and convince me to go out with him!  Guess he wasn't used to being turned down, or hollared at.  Out of everything that happened that night, I'm most embarrassed (and not proud) about running away screaming from a little person.

It all stems from watching Tod Browning's horror movie Freaks when I was a little kid.  That stupid movie came out in the 30's, was banned, then made a comeback in the late 70's. It remains to this day, the scariest movie I have ever seen.
That movie gave me nightmares for years! I'm happy to say, now that I'm a grown up (although, I'm still pretty immature) I no longer suffer from a fear of little people; unless they come crawling after me, through the mud, in the pouring rain, with a knife in their mouth...

As always, thanks so much for participating in my Friday Fact or Fiction, a/k/a my crazy life~Jaybird

Friday, May 18, 2012

All the single ladies...Friday Fact or Fiction

Back BTH, (Before The Husband), Jaybird hung out with a lot of single ladies. I will  leave you with three great examples of how some of those evenings  MAY or MAY NOT have turned out.  As always, I will post the Answers/truth tomorrow. Thanks for participating!

1. Once, Jaybird was asked to host a bachelorette party for one of her absolutely gorgeous, rich and "infamous" party girl friends on the East Coast.   Jaybird, did not know how she was going to pull this off because (1) she is always broke (2) what do you plan to do with people who do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it? A limo was procured, as well  as a suite in a posh hotel, and plans to hit up all of NYC's hottest clubs.

This particular girlfriend of Jaybird's MAY  or MAY NOT have always been extremely vocal about her life-long celebrity crush on actor Nicholas Cage. After hitting up two night clubs Jaybird could tell the girls were feeling this night was a bit routine, and therefore, all  kinds of lame... Jaybird started to sweat. Out of nowhere, Jaybird remembers this smaller, darker but swanky little club she had gone to once with a very different set of friends. She suggests going over there next. When they get there, they walked up to the front of the line, (there is no waiting for A-listers, ever), velvet ropes were parted, and the girls were shown in like they were expected. They were immediately ushered  to the best table and were seated in a corded off, VIP only area. Jaybird's friend, MAY or MAY NOT have screamed in delight, when she sat down and saw Nicholas Cage, sitting at the table next to them.

Jaybird's friend thought he was there, just for her, and Jaybird had planned the whole evening around this surprise! She jumped right up onto Mr.Nicholas Cage's lap! He, MAY or MAY NOT have acted like this happens all the time and he did not mind it at all, when  a hot blond stranger just jumped on his lap.  No matter how many times Jaybird told her it was just a coincidence, her girlfriend MAY or MAY not have ever believed anything other than it was Jaybird's plan all along to hook her up with Nicholas Cage and an epically awesome bachelorette party!

#2. After throwing phrases like "what do you want to do tonight" and then "I don't know, what do you want to do?" back and forth for an hour or so,  Jaybird and her BFF still couldn't decide what they wanted to do for the evening.  Since they were waiting for another group of friends to join them, they decided to let the others dictate where they went. One of the girls had brought a friend, (one they didn't know very well) and she suggested they all drive out to the Hollywood Hills to a huge party where one of her friends lived. OK, with a lack of a  better plan, Jaybird, her Bestie, and the rest of the girls went for it. Pulling up in front of  this historic mansion, in a very posh area of town,  Jaybird and her friends thought they were lucky to be going into this party. Maybe this night was going to turn out to be much better than they had anticipated!

There MAY or MAY not have been  an awful lot of security measures around this house, and the girl directed us to park at a house across the street. Then this girl told us we had to go through the backyard of that house, to get to the party across the street.  We encountered a  ton of other girls, who were lined up and doing the same thing. We asked why we had to wait on line, and she said "security". We thought this was weird, but she assured us it was because of expensive art that hung on the walls of this mansion. Jaybird, was a bit intimidated, but didn't think that much about it, because all the other girls were weaving in and out of the hallways waiting to get in too. Well she didn't think too much about it until two huge bodyguards threw her up against a wall, frisked her and made all the girls with her line up one by one down a dark hallway. Something was not right about this house.

The bodyguards kept asking, "Who are you with", and "Where are your passes?" None of us knew what the hell he was talking about. Jaybird and her bestie, who is four foot nothing and weighs a hundred and nothing, MAY or MAY not have started yelling for the girl that brought us there, so they could kick her ass! But she was MIA. Because her Bestie was getting so vocal, the bodyguards stared us up and down, checking them out like they were books, and this was a library. Then, they MAY or MAY not have started whispering some shiz into a freaking walkie talkie, while Jaybird and her friends, all crapped a brick. That's when Jaybird's BFF lost her mind and started screaming so loud and so long to let us out of there, she went bananas, and acted like an absolute lunatic.

The bodyguards MAY or MAY not have picked us up by the back of our shirts, and threw us out the back door of the house.  We were so relieved to be out of there, we didn't notice at first that we had been dumped out on the lawn, but of the house the party was actually at, across the street!  Up that close, we were able to take a much better look at this "mansion". That's when we realized we MAY or MAY not have just gotten ceremoniously thrown out of the freaking PLAYBOY MANSION!!!

#3. One night, Jaybird begged convinced her sister, (who is as quiet as a mouse, works at the library, hates bars, and is probably the least likely person to ever get wasted)  to go with her and her crazy ass friends to an all- male revue.

When most of the girls arrived wasted, Jaybird knew they were going to be in big trouble before this night was over. Her sister was already squawking about bailing on her.  But then, the lights went down and the guys came up on stage and all was forgotten. Jaybird was starving, so she walked up to the bar, and ordered  a pizza. The bartender and Jaybird chatted a bit. Jaybird waited for what seemed like forever for her pizza and started getting impatient. Tired of waiting, she left to go to the bathroom. When she came back out, Jaybird's sister and her friends MAY or MAY NOT have been going hog wild.

All of the strippers were surrounding their table and kicking up a huge fuss. One stripper, would not leave her quiet, reserved and shy sister alone, he kept brushing his naked butt all over her arm. She  was dying. He and the rest of the male revue were so busy concentrating on Jaybird's sister and her friends, some of the other women started to complain to the management. Others actually left. The ones that stayed, were fuming!

Jaybird's pizza finally arrived and she couldn't wait to eat it. But before she took a bite, a male stripper MAY OR MAY not have stolen the slice out of her hands, taking a giant bite! Jaybird was furious. She started berating the stripper for stealing her pizza. He MAY or MAY not have gotten really excited about this. Like, really excited. No way he could hide it in a tiny, weeny, sparkly thong. Jaybird's friends couldn't believe she was having an argument with an excited stripper, over her pizza. They thought this was hysterical.

For the rest of the night, Jaybird's friends, her sister and the excited stripper MAY or MAY NOT have drove her nuts.  Every time Jaybird said, "Let's go" and tried to slip out, the bartender stalled them by sending over more comp shots. The excited stripper, MAY or MAY not have slipped special High Roller Gold Cards to Jaybird's sister and all of her friends, begging them to join him and his friends for an after hours party later in the evening.
In the meantime, Jaybird's friends had  (after doing many, many shots) all night long, degenerated greatly. They MAY or MAY not have decided monopolizing the entire staff of this establishment, was great fun.  One of them,went into the kitchen and stole made Jaybird another pizza! Some of them went behind the bar and started making their own drinks! One of them jumped up by the DJ started mixing, and rapping into the mic. In doing all of this, they had finally succeeded in pushing all the other ladies over their limit. These women were going to hurt Jaybird, her sister and all of her friends.  Just when Jaybird had thought she had finally rounded everyone up and they could finally get out of therer, (before they got their drunk asses handed to them)  the bartender  MAY or MAY not  have told her they still couldn't leave because he had a special "little" surprise. Of course her friends are all into this and try to get the rest of the bar to start chanting with them, "Surprise, surprise, surprise!"  When all of a sudden out of nowhere, a little person, dressed like all of the other strippers, jumped up right in front of  Jaybird, and started gyrating!!  Jaybird MAY or MAY not have a phobia about little persons, (don't judge me....) and ran  as fast and as far as she could, ditching everyone at that bar!

OK there you have it. Please vote on which of  these colorful stories from Jaybird's life are actually FACT and which ones are FICTION. Thanks to all for your participation!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Kreativ Blogger Award

Thank you so much to Clare, at Clare Dugmore Writes, for giving me this award. It is the first Blogger Award I have ever received and it means a lot. I'm supposed to name ten things about myself you may not know. Every Friday, I put out a post called "Fact or Fiction" where I share three random facts about me, and have my followers guess which ones are true. Because of it, y'all know way too much about  me already. LOL But I will try and think up some more....
This is my entire family out snorkeling in Hawaii. Notice who's missing?
1. Although I live at the beach and absolutely love it, I don't swim with things.  I never go in that water!
2. I am CRAP at technology. (Honestly, if it weren't for my sixteen year old niece, I wouldn't even know how to text.) I especially bite at working on this blog. It's a constant struggle for me to set up posts and I absolutely dread it when I have to tag people, cause I never do it right.  So, any tech help/advice you want to send over to the Bird's Nest is always appreciated. :)
3. My friends are the most diverse group of people you could ever meet. Most of them, would not be caught dead hanging out with one another. But I love, respect and accept all people. The Husband says everyone loves me because, unlike him, I never judge.
4. When I was a kid, my family moved from NJ to California. I only lived there for eight years, but I left my heart in San Francisco. Nothing feels more like home than looking out over the San Francisco Bay and seeing that red bridge peeking through the fog back at me.

5. The Husband and I always wanted a house full of kids. We got off to a brilliant start; I had three girls in three years. After delivering my last baby, I ran into complications that almost killed me. I was told I could not have any more kids. I knew I shouldn't be so upset and disappointed, because I already had three beautiful children, and some people can't even have one. That being said, it's still  my plan to one day pull a Brad and Angie and just start snatching babies up from all over the world that need a home! 

6. I love to travel, but suffer terribly from motion sickness. I refuse to give in to it and force myself to fly anyway.  Yep, I am absolutely the last person you'd want to sit next to on an airplane. Recently I took a fifteen hour flight to Hawaii, full of turbulence and it pushed me right over the edge. When we finally landed, I literally got off the plane and kissed the ground.

7. Coffee is my favorite food group.
8. No one has ever left my house hungry. Ever.  
9. No matter how long The Husband or anyone else tries to convince me sleeping outdoors, not showering, getting bit up by bugs and/or having a lack of toilet facilities can be relaxing, I will never understand the draw of camping. Every aspect of it, is my idea of a fresh hell. Glamping is much more my style. :)
10. It would be my ultimate dream to one day hear my books/screen play introduced like Tim Burton's. I want to hear:  "From the mind of Jaybird comes..."

That's ten random facts about me. Now I'm left feeling a little bit exposed. Please comment and/or leave me at least one random fact about you... Thanks!!

Monday, May 14, 2012

First Love Blog Fest

Here is my entry to Alex Cavanaugh's  First Loves Blog Fest.  Hope you all enjoy it. And I truly hope The Husband doesn't read this and go hunt down my first love and kill him...LOL :)

The first movie I ever fell in love with was: Star Wars. From my very first viewing (at the drive in) I was hooked and another Star Wars geek was born..

Man, I wanted to be Princess Leia so freaking bad I could taste it. "Aren't you a  little short for a Storm Trooper?" Is my fav line; she was the  toughest,  coolest chick I had ever seen and a princess to boot. It's still one of my all time fav movies.

The first book I read and read until the spine broke and all of  the pages started to fall out was:
J.R.R. Tolkein's The Hobbit. When I first ventured into Middle Earth, everything else around me fell  away and I never wanted to leave! Recently, I had the pleasure of introducing this book to my 4th grader. She absolutely loved it and we have had many,  many book discussions since.

A little bit about My First Love:

The relentless August sun was burning the top of my dark head. I was trying not to panic, but I was lost, late and completely drenched with sweat on the first day of classes. I've always been a bit of a spaz, and I distinctly remember thinking, "Way to go Jen, great way to kick start your college career!" A light breeze picked up and carried tiny droplets of water from a nearby sprinkler.

I closed my eyes and turned my face into that wind, truly delighted by it's unexpected coolness. When I opened my eyes, he was there. He stood stock still and perfect before me, like some sort of  ridiculous  bronze sculpture. Why would this perfect man, be staring at me? I had to be sure. I turned around and looked over my shoulder, just to see if there was some hot blond coming up behind me. I could tell he was slightly amused by this. In two giant strides, he closed the distance between us. Then he smiled at me. I had thought the sun was brilliant today, but it was nothing compared to that smile.

"You're a Freshman, right?"
"Um yes." Was my patheticness that apparent?
"You have that lost look." Guess so!
"I, um, uh, need to find a building. I mean A-building, not "a building".  I need to get  to Western Civ." Duh! I answered him with all the eloquence of Mr. Bean. I couldn't believe how bad I was blowing this.
"My next class is in A-building. I'd be happy to walk you there."

The way he was looking at me, man,  no one had ever looked at me like that before! I knew I should walk away. I screamed at myself, look away, look down, look anywhere but up into those amazing green eyes. But for the life of me, I could not. Something in  his eyes, held the power to leech my will and hold me back. It wasn't until he reached out his hand, and I accepted it, my body could move again. I should have instinctively known, right then and there, his influence on me was not natural. I suspect deep down inside I did, but I just didn't care.

My first love was as hot and relentless as that August sun. It completely consumed me. When it was over, I was left with the realization that I would never love anyone with that much reckless abandon, ever again. He stole a little piece of my soul, the very first time I looked into those eyes. And I have never gotten it back.

I couldn't remember the first song I ever fell in love with. So here's a song, that I Love, Love, Love Thought it was appropriate for this Blog Fest !

Saturday, May 12, 2012

What to Expect When You're Expecting Fact or Fiction, Answers!

*** If you didn't read yesterday's What to Expect When You're  Expecting Friday Fact or Fiction Post, you might want to go read that before I give you the anwers here***

This week's answers are simple. They are all FACT!!

#1-Not since I was roughly the size of a house and so pregnant I wouldn't dare sneeze in fear of exploding, has ANYONE  pursued me like that wickedly handsome young cop. Maybe it was a bet or a dare or something, because I still don't understand why the heck he was so interested in me. The best part was coming home and telling The Husband, "Guess what? I've still got it!!

#2-To see a voo doo priestess in a Jersey Shore supermarket, is odd within itself. But to see one making a beeline straight for you is like a scene from a horror movie. In all of the years I've known The Husband, I have never seen him so much as flinch in the face of fear. This woman, UNNERVED him. He and I both felt the hair on the back of our necks stand up as she approached. The people on line around us, were equally affected. Flabbergasted, we watched what was about to happen, like it was in slow  motion. To add to her freak factor, the priestess was with a large white man, who's gut was sticking out from underneath a dirty, ripped t-shirt that was two sizes too small. He was obviously with her, but walked two steps behind, with his head down and his hand on her shoulder and his  arm extended. It remains, to this day, one of the most bizarre things Jaybird and The Husband have ever encountered. (And if you know Jaybird and her life, that's saying something!) What really makes The Husband and I shiver is how she was absolutely right! I had a beautiful baby girl and although she prefers me to straighten them, she has an amazing set of  curls!

#3-What can I say, milk happens! Because the baby slept through two of her regular feeding times, my breasts were fully loaded. The Husband loves to tell this story  as a cautionary tale to all the new fathers he meets.

Thanks for participating. Have a wonderful Mother's Day-  Here are the Three Reasons I will!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Fact or Fiction-What to Expect When You Are Expecting

This weeks Friday Fact or Fiction is What to Expect When You Are Expecting. I was sitting here thinking  about what I should choose for the theme  and thanks to a brilliant post: Attn: Soon to be  Uncles, from  Good Youngman Brown, (if you don't already follow him, YOU SHOULD)  I decided to use pregnancy as my theme. For those of you who don't already know this about me, I had three kids in three years, which means (1) I'm nuts (2) I was pregnant for a long, long time.

If you are interested, check out three random facts from Jaybird's life and let me know which you think are Fact or Fiction. I post the answers tomorrow.

#1. Some men are slightly grossed out by pregnancy and all the changes it brings to their partner's bodies. But then, there are The Others. There are men out there, who are seriously ATTRACTED to pregnant women..... Once when Jaybird was super-sized and ridiculous pregnant, she was out on the road and got really thirsty. She may or may not have pulled into a convenience store to buy something to drink.  A young, buff, and totally hawt  NJ State Trooper was trailing her.
At first, Jaybird was relieved, it was only a young cop following her. Never in a million years would she think this kid was stalking her. She just chalked it all up to him needing something in every single aisle she happened to be in, out of coincidence. That changed as soon as she tried to open the freezer door and get out a beverage. Super Trooper jumped in front of her, like he was taking a bullet instead of a Vitamin Water, out of the freezer. He proudly pulled open the door and handed  her the drink, all the while smiling with these huge dimples and a  perfect smile. Jaybird was kind of weirded out, but thanked him for retrieving her drink anyway. He took this as his opening. He proceeded to ask her a least ten rapid fire questions normal, hetero sexual twenty something cops would never think to ask, all about  pregnancy.

Jaybird had to rethink her initial assessment. This guy must have a pregnant girlfriend/wife, or her GAY-DAR bell was about to start ring-a-ding-dinging.  But she asked and found out he was single. And, the way he was looking at her, was nothing like how her parade of Gay Besties would ever look at her (unless she is wearing something Couture!!) Jaybird thought, huh, how strange.

She started to make her way over to the counter. Once again, Super Trooper jumped in front of her. He insisted on carrying her items up to the counter and paying for it, no matter how much she protested. Jaybird waddled out to her car, but again, he followed her, just to "open her door". The Trooper may or may not have stood there all dimply and staring at her for a few more minutes until it just got, uh, AWKWARD.  She really wanted him to close the door so she could leave, but he wouldn't stop with the staring. Finally, he told her he  thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and begged her to go out with him!

#2. Random people like to come up and rub a giant pregnant belly, regardless of whether or not they have been invited to do so. This really freaked Jaybird out. Usually, it was harmless older people or moms...But nothing freaked her out more than when  Jaybird and The Husband were standing on line at  Shop Rite, waiting for their cold cut order to be done. Jaybird may or may not have been  noshing on a free sample of provolone, when a VOODOO priestess, with crazy dreads, wearing a floor length robe, complete with a bone THROUGH HER NOSE, twine necklaces with all kinds of spice packets and various evil paraphernalia pinned to her chest, starts to head straight for her giant belly bump!  Of course,  The Husband is not about to let that hand come anywhere near his pregnant wife, but before he can take her out  say something, she screeches at Jaybird in this weird voice, "It's A Girl,  with lots of Curls, and she's gonna be  Beautiful!"  Prior to food shopping, The Husband and Jaybird may or may not have just taken an Ultrasound, confirming our baby was a girl.

#3. About seven weeks after Jaybird had delivered her baby, she was absolutely EXHAUSTED. Jaybird, may or may not have layed the baby down in her crib, who was sound asleep, and then passed out herself.  The Husband, had already been in bed sleeping for several hours.(of course) Jaybird may or may not have been in the first deep sleep since the baby was born when all of a sudden The Husband starts cussing and shouting, waking her up.  "Damn it! The freaking roof is leaking! Don't you feel the water dripping?" Jaybird,  could have cared less if it poured on his head,  she was finally getting some sleep! Besides, she hadn't felt a thing. When she looked at the clock, she realized that she and the baby had slept (for the first time) six hours straight! It may or may not have been a miracle, and The Husband ruined it. He was still  looking for a leak, when Jaybird rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep, while the miracle lasted. It was then she realized her breasts, full to the brim and exceeding maximum capacity, had been squirting breast milk out so hard and so high, it was hitting the ceiling and falling back down, dripping onto The Husband's head. Jaybird may or may not have found the source of that leak after all!
 Please vote which are Fact or Fiction. I will post the results tomorrow.  And if any of you have your own What to Expect moments to share, I would love it! Here is a picture of me and my momma. Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I Put My WIP in Time Out

After a proper whine the other day, see my post titled, "Yesterday I Loved My WIP but Today I Hate It, Just Like My Hair" I received some absolutely invaluable support, encouragement and advice from my amazing Followers. I took every bit of  advice to heart  and from the bottom of mine, I thank you. Everyone lended me their  ideas/suggestions on how I could rid myself of these antagonistic feelings I'd been harbouring towards my WIP. But I decided the one thing I simply had to do, was put my WIP in a time out.

While my WIP serves its time, (God knows how long it will have to sit there before I decide it's truly repentant for hurting my feelings and making me feel so inadequate) I found someone new to play with. Here's the rough 250 of what I've been playing around with. It's called: The End of All Things

Evil came knocking, late one night. It slithered up our home's historic front steps and stood on the fleur de lis mat I had carefully swept, waiting to be invited in. We didn't know it then, but throwing open our front door and welcoming this guest in with a smile, like we had so many times before, would alter the course of our lives forever.

My family and I were all gathered together, but independently going about our nightly chores. My brother had just emerged out of the bath, finally clean and more than eager to eat his supper after a long day tending to the vast grounds and lush gardens of Maison de Le Fleur. Father sat at his desk, a glass of sherry in one hand and a pen in the other. He was hard at work trying to reconcile the books or as Maman liked to tease, “Trying to make something from nothing". My mother sat folding mounds of laundry. She was listening to Mozart with one ear and for the buzz of the oven timer with the other. The incredible smell of her pain au chocolat baking, no matter how full I was, always made my mouth water.

My younger sister was working hard on the mending and I was hap-hazardly polishing the silver. My eldest sister, Adrienne, had just come back into the room with yet another load of laundry, when we heard the knock. My family all moaned in unison. Yes, another guest meant more money. But it also meant we would not be retiring early, like we had hoped. C'est la vie. We had long ago resigned ourselves to the nature of the business. Adrienne dropped her basket at maman's feet and said, “I'll go.”

To her everlasting credit, Adrienne managed to maintain her composure. If it had been me who answered that door, well, I doubt we would be where we are now. But that's neither here nor there.

**I'm still undecided if this is pure crap or if it has any potential. Let me know what you think. Either way, it's been a nice diversion to help me pass the time as my old WIP sits in time out and contemplates its bad behaviour.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Hugh Jackman Quote of the Month

"Talents are given for a reason. Don't ever feel discouraged"

I like to pretend think he's speaking directly to me.  ~Jaybird

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Yesterday I loved my WIP, Today I hate it. Just like my hair.

While reading this post, pretend you hear my loud, completely ridiculous New Jersey accent whining these words.  It helps set the mood. It sounds a bit like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinnie.

I have been working on my WIP for way too long now. I typed THE END eons ago. But I am not satisfied. I should be at the point where I hold many, many agent rejections in my hand. Instead, I have been procrastinating editing and editing and picking apart my first 250 and the story on a whole. Every time I think I'm close, I tear it apart again. I always find an excuse. My query is still non-existent because I continually tear that apart as well.

When I finished working on my manuscript, I was madly in love with it.  At times, I sobbed at the emotion it brought forth. Other times, I was literally laughing so hard I couldn't type and almost fell out of my chair, because I found it so freaking hilarious. I was really proud of my work. But I woke up recently doubting absolutely everything about it. Everything! And I started to hate it. Just like my hair.

My hair used to be long and shiny and oh so, pretty. It was thick and a deep, dark brown, with natural highlights that deserved their own Pantene commercial. (I kid you not.) And I  loved it! It was the one feature about myself I was proud of.  I could always count on DISTANCE and HAIR, to be my best assets!

But now, oy! I hate my hair with a passion. It has lost all of its former beauty. There is no glossy shine to make others envious. It's coarse and dry and for the love of God, would someone PLEASE tell my greys that they are not supposed to reappear for another six to eight weeks? Ugh. Rationally, I know my hair issues are due to stress and a side effect of my crap auto-immune disease. BUT, that doesn't make me hate it any less. Now I use scarves, hats, head bands, flowers and lots of bows and things to compensate for my deficient hair.  When I look in the mirror, I am riddled with insecurity and I wonder if I will ever be able to find a love for it again. Just like my WIP.

As I am introduced to my writer friends blogs, characters, WIPS and novels through various contests and hops, I am chock full of fear, self-doubt and wild insecurity.  I doubt  my ability to contribute anything of worth, at all. I want to scrap it all. I want to go hide my horrible head of hair in shame (like my little ostrich bird friend below) for ever considering myself a writer!

Has anyone else ever felt this way?  If  you did, how in the world did you overcome it? Did any of you ever love your WIP one day and then wake up hating it with a passion the next? Did you go back and try to patch it up with ribbons, bows, head bands and flowers, or did you start all over again?

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Take This Job and Shove It, Fact or Fiction Answers

In case you didn't read yesterday's FRIDAY FACT OR FICTION,  you might want to take a peek at it before reading today's post. Here are the Answers:
#1. FICTION. I never worked as a teller. Apparently, if you owe any debts (i.e. credit cards or student loans) you can't work at a bank. So, that pretty much leaves Jaybird out indefinitely!

#2. FACT.   You better believe I WON that bet! I took a huge risk, but I have always had a HUGE appetite and I banked on the fact that I can eat just about anyone under the table.  (I can still eat as much as a sumo wrestler, but if I continued to eat like that now I would wind up looking like one too!) But I digress. I beat men twice my age who out-weighed me by at least a hundred and fifty pounds! I housed one entire pepperoni pizza and was one slice shy of finishing another whole plain pie, (not a piddly Dominoes size large either, but giant sized, New York style pies)  AND THEN I finished an entire gallon of Breyer's Chocolate Ice Cream. Some of the bigger guys came close to beating me with the pizza, but they all FAILED miserably, when it came to desert. Lightweights!
(FYI:lemon juice DOES NOT work to get the smell of fish off of your skin, believe me, I tried. And tried. And tried. Sigh. I still hate that smell. :)
#3. FACT.  A second after taking a whiff  of that rash, I wiped out, falling right on top of the doctor's toes. It was pretty obvious I was not cut from the same mold as my amazing RN mother! He asked me to stay on as his medical transcriptionist/ book-keeper, which I agreed to do. The Dr.  and I got on really well, but I was bored. He encouraged me to get out of the med field and go into Public Relations. It wasn't the first time in my life someone had suggested this, and certainly wouldn't be the last. Eventually, I did land my dream job in Public Relations. I wish I would have listened to everyone who encouraged me to go into PR a bit sooner, because it would have saved me from working for sleazy LAWYERS!

#4. FACT. Jaybird actually worked for/with lawyers for close to fifteen years. I'd like to say that first lawyer I worked for was the worst, but I went on to work for another who was just as bad, if not worse.  Remarkably, the partner  of that first jerk I worked for was a real stand up guy, who I actually learned to respect and like. When their partnership  dissolved, no one was surprised. It was an awful situation-very similar to a divorce. They fought all the time about who was going to get what fax machine, coffee pot, computer, etc. and who was going to go with who. Both lawyers fought over custody of me, but I told them to pound sand   as  professionally and politely as I could, I must decline. I took a job with a very clever, extremely successful and completely amazing FEMALE attorney- who remains, to this day, one of my VERY BEST FRIENDS!!
*** As an added Take This  Job and Shove It bonus, I wanted to give some honorable mentions to my current occupation. I work part time for a management company cleaning time shares, on the beach . Oh, how I love my job, you just never know what you are walking into! Here are a few fun things I have encountered since I started:

1. My FIRST WEEK, I  opened a closet door and a man fell out! I thought he was dead and I was totally freaked out. But after I screamed, his mouth fell open and he started snoring!! I caught a good whiff of his breath and realized he was not dead, but completely wasted. He  had passed out in the closet and all of his friends checked out and LEFT HIM in there. Brilliant!
2. A minute after I entered a house, a policeman started banging on the door. When I answered the door, he pulled me outside and told me I could not go back in and I must cease and desist doing my job because that house was now the subject of an investigation. It was an open CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION!
3.Once, I walked in on a couple who were supposed to be gone, (like three days before...) Let's just say I saw WAY more of those two, than I ever wanted to. When they saw me, they were not embarrassed (like I was) AT ALL. They only stopped long enough to ask if I'd like to JOIN THEM.

As always, thank you all so much for all of your continued interest/participation in my Friday Fact or Fiction. (a/k/a the crazy I call my life)

Friday, May 4, 2012

Take This Job and Shove It Friday Fact or Fiction!!

Jaybird landed her first job when she was just 12 years old. (A sweet babysitting gig) Over the years, I developed a really strong work ethic. In the course of my life, I have had some really great jobs and some really, really, well, I'll let you decide whether they are FACT OR FICTION!

#1 Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have been hired as a bank teller once. This job, MAY or MAY NOT have turned out to be harder than she thought it would be. She was short on her drawer, twice, and could not figure out why. She had to take the difference out of her paycheck and was warned if it happened again she would be let go! Then, one slow day at the drive up window, Jaybird was leaning back in her swivel chair, swinging around and playing with this screwy thing under the counter. After a few minutes of this, about ten POLICE CARS and a Special Crime Scene Unit van descended upon the bank. The officers burst through the back door of the bank, guns drawn, yelling, "Get down, get down, get down!" When they realize nothing is amiss, they demand to know what happened. The tellers/Jaybird say, "Nothing." The cops response, "Then WHY THE HELL did someone push the SILENT ALARM!!

#2 Jaybird worked at a local marina, during her Jersey Shore summers. Her job duties MAY or MAY NOT have included everything from minding the little convenience store to manning the gas pump to her least favorite job responsibility- bagging BUNKER fish for bait. The seagulls would go nutso, taking turns swooping down and trying to steal the smelly bait fish. The longer it took to bag it, the more the frozen bait thawed and REEKED.

Jaybird happened to be the only FEMALE employee of this marina. The men who worked there  MAY or MAY NOT have teased her mercilessly. They would suddenly show up behind her while she was bending over in  the store and/or relentlessly torment her about smelling like fish.... If it rained, there was down time. The guys liked to gather in the back of the shop, playing cards or betting each other to do stupid shiz. One rainy day, Jaybird MAY or MAY  NOT have challenged seven beastly men to an eating contest. The stakes were, if Jaybird won, there would be no more tormenting her with fish comments and trying to grab her ass while bending over, ever again. If they won, well, Jaybird would have to come to work in a  microscopic white string bikini for the rest of the summer!

#3When Jaybird was deciding what she "wanted to be when she grew up" (besides a writer) she thought she might go the medical route. Since Jaybird's family all worked in this field, it seemed a very natural and logical  choice. Jaybird's mom hooked her up with  a job working for an allergist. The very FIRST day on the job, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have walked in an exam room, a step before the doctor. The patient, MAY or MAY NOT have yanked up her shirt, revealing rolls and rolls of fat, saying, "Take a look at this!" When the patient picked up one of the rolls, revealing what was  underneath, Jaybird saw the poor woman had a wicked heat rash that had gotten really infected. It was now an open sore, filled with puss that smelled like death. Instead of assisting the good Dr. with the cleaning/draining of the sore, like she was supposed to,  Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have fainted at the Dr.'s feet. Which MAY or MAY NOT have ended her brilliant aspirations of  choosing a career in the medical field,  permanently.

#4 At eighteen, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have become interested in the field of law, after sitting on JURY DUTY. She was thrilled when she landed a job working for a prominent lawyer in the area. Said lawyer, MAY or MAY NOT have had ISSUES. If he lost a case, he would come back to the office and fly off the handle in FITS of RAGE, screaming and tearing apart the shelves of the law library. While he was in the midst of one of his temper tantrums, he would record his dictation, then stomp out of his office and down the stairs, throwing the tapes he wanted transcribed, over the banister and right at Jaybird's HEAD! This well-established lawyer MAY or MAY NOT have been an expert on employee/employer SEXUAL HARASSMENT cases. The irony of that MAY or MAY NOT have been that in his own office, none of the secretaries were EVER safe. They would avoid working late or getting caught in the elevator alone with him, at all costs. Also, he MAY or MAY NOT have yelled at Jaybird once,  because she wore pants to work, instead of  a SHORT SKIRT. He was furious because he couldn't check out her legs!

And there you have it. **Please drop me a comment about which of these stories from Jaybird's life are either Fact or Fiction. I'll post the truth tomorrow.  As always, your comments make me ridiculously happy.  Thank you so much for your continued participation!