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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, April 20, 2012

My Big Fat Italian Wedding Friday Fact or Fiction

For this week's Friday Fact or Fiction, I promised Jaycee DeLorenzo, I would NOT be doing anything Creepy Crawly- like last week. (Sorry for grossing you out Jaycee!)  (Also, I'm sorry if this is full of typos and/or errors because I have a funeral to go to and am extremely distracted.) I was thinking I'd like to focus on a topic that's a bit more girlie.  You can't get girlier than weddings, right?

Your wedding day should be unforgettable, but in a good way. Jaybird has a Big Fat Italian family. With Italian families, you are guaranteed three things at every wedding: Food, Fun and a Fight. (Oh, four things. Old Italian ladies in sausage-tight black dresses with rhinestones and a tissue stuffed somewhere in their bra strap busting a move on the dance floor...see Exhibit A)

Exhibit A Jaybird  at  a cousin's wedding....
Here are some crazy things that MAY or MAY NOT have happened on Jaybird's wedding day:

1. Jaybird May or May not have been on a psycho bride diet and had to have her one of a kind custom fit Italian silk wedding dress altered at the eleventh hour. After losing so much weight the dress not only had to be taken in, but a whole new zipper had to be inserted. Only the new zipper was made out of  PLASTIC, not metal. On the day of the wedding, Jaybird's dress May or May not have SPLIT RIGHT AT THE SEAM, all the way down to her ass!

2. Officiating almost every Italian wedding, is a  priest who is somehow related to the family. Jaybird's priest, May or May not have FORGOTTEN TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION for his bi-polar disorder, and went a little um, NUTS during the ceremony. He may or may not have referred to The Husband in his Marine Corps Dress Blues as "Hitler" and the Marine Corps Honor Guard with their swords, as "The SS Officers".  Oh, and then the priest, May or May Not have PUNCHED the Best Man, right in the chest before he was tackled off the altar by one of Jaybird's mobbed up cousins, (Who is probably the only one in the family who wasn't afraid they would go to Hell for tackling a priest!)

3.  In every Italian family, there is always a cousin who "has a friend" or "knows somebody" and promises  "he'll take care of you." It is looked down upon to ask too many questions about this hook up, since you are getting something for nothing and now your cousin owes this person a favor. Jaybird, MAY or MAY NOT have gone this route with the PHOTOGRAPHER on her wedding day.  The photographer hook up MAY or MAY NOT have been a CREEPER who arrived early and walked right in on Jaybird while she was getting dressed. He MAY or MAY NOT  have started to snap pictures like a perv mumbling in Italian and pretending lika-he-spoka- no-English. After he was cussed at in about five different languages to get out, he finally left  the room. All day, the CREEPER photographer, MAY or MAY NOT have been trying to mack on Jaybird and  trying to grab her at every opportunity. He also MAY or MAY NOT have begged her to run away with him, despite the fact that she had just gotten married!!!! 

And there you have it. Please vote on which of these three stories from Jaybird's wedding are either Fact or Fiction. I'll post the truth tomorrow. Thanks!


  1. I say ALL OF EM!!!!! *laughing out loud, here*

  2. Yay! No creepy crawlies!

    Okay, I'm going to hope none of them true, but I believe #1 and #3 probably are. I'm from an Italian family, too. I know what this can be like.

    Either way, these are all LOL!

  3. Yes, I'm hoping none of them are true, wither. But if I had to guess I would say #3 was false.

    1. Clare- You were right on! #3 is false.
      Cathy- I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know that you actually get my humor! 1&2 are Fact. Not 3.
      Jaycee-Again, sorry for last weeks gross out! And, if you are Italian you should (hopefully) understand and appreciate this post all the more!!

  4. Oops. I kinda just defeated the purpose of playing this game by reading the post just after this one. :P

    -Barb the French Bean

  5. LOL Barb. You can play however you want! I'm just glad to have your participation, any which way I can get it.

  6. Oh man, you were right. That sounds like the worst priest ever.