About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Super Saturday

Today is just one of those amazing rainy, dark, lazy Saturdays. The Husband is off harassing criminals, the kids are all on play dates  and I find myself in a rare and dangerous place: ALONE.

So what should I do today?  I haven't had an opportunity to choose in a long time. Usually, it's all planned out for me, months in advance. Oh, I know what I HAVE to do, and I know what I SHOULD do. Just not sure I WANT to do any of those things.

I HAVE to do laundry today or else I  risk leaving the house looking like someone from PEOPLEOFWALMART... 

I SHOULD:  work on my Query letter, cause it still sucks it, hard. I've been putting that off  because I needed some distance.  But it still sucks and I still hate it. And I don't think I feel like dealing with my writing deficiencies today.

I SHOULD: take this opportunity to clean the house, before the people that destroyed it come back and proceed to do it, again.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO:  Make  another pot of coffee, curl up on the couch and devour a good book. Or, procrastinate doing all of the above and go on blog reading/stalking for a little while longer.

What are you going to do today? Whatever you choose, hope it turns out to be a great day!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Fact or Fiction

I'm going to start a post on Fridays, called  Fact or Fiction.  I want to do this because whenever I share a life experience, people usually tell me  (1) I'm full of shite, or (2) These things only happen to YOU, or  (3) You should really write this stuff down! 

SO-here's the deal. I'm going to write three random bits about something that may or may not have happened to Jaybird, and you (hopefully) will be interested enough to vote on whether or not you think what I've posted is Fact or Fiction.  And, if you'd like to share three Fact or Fiction Facts back, I wouldn't hate it!!!!

(1) Once upon a time,  in a drastic effort to loose weight, Jaybird  may or may not have hired a very expensive and extremely HAWT personal trainer. But after several weeks of starving herself, Jaybird went off the wagon and made a  run for the Border.  She inhaled three TACO BELL Bean Burrito Extremes, before her work out session. And, tragically, when aforementioned Mr. Hotty Mc Hotty personal trainer was holding her feet and was all up in her business while she did sit ups, Jaybird may or may not have erm, inadvertently, let one rip, right in his face! Which abruptly ended her work out session. And any and all contact with the hawt personal trainer, out of sheer MORTIFICATION, from that day forward.

(2) Once upon a time, Jaybird had an extremely important JOB  INTERVIEW in Marketing/Public Relations. She was so nervous about her job interview, she may or may not have forgotten to look at the number on the office suite door, upon entering. Jaybird was ushered in to see the CEO very quickly. She proceeded to wow him with her resume. The boss stares at her oddly, but announces he's very impressed, and would like her to start immediately! When Jaybird triumphantly marches into Human Resources to fill out all of the necessary paperwork, she may  or may not have looked at their letterhead, and suddenly realize, she has just been hired by THE WRONG COMPANY!!!

(3) Once upon a time, Jaybird took a group of Youth Group kids from her church, to an amusement park. Because Jaybird and some of the teenagers get sick on roller coasters that go upside down, they sat on a bench, waiting for the others. A group of "special needs" individuals start to make their way towards the giant roller coaster and the bench upon which Jaybird sits. One individual, spots Jaybird, and makes a beeline for her. He may or may not JUMP UP ONTO HER LAP  AND TRIES TO MAKE OUT WITH HER! Jaybird does not know what the H to do. She would like to scream and cuss, and push him up off of her, but feels badly, because HE's SPECIAL and THERE ARE CHURCH KIDS ALL AROUND HER, LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF. So she ran  but he may or may not have CHASED HER. All the while screaming, "Come back girlfriend, come back!!"

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT! Please vote on which little anecdote is  FACT OR FICTION. As always, I love any and all comments. Voting will officially end on Saturday though. Thanks!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Alicia Silverstone baby-feeding technique is N-A-S-T-Y

OK, I realize my name is Jaybird. And I host my blog out of  The Bird's Nest, but  Alicia Silverstone's method of chewing food and then spitting it into her baby's mouth, like a bird, is  NASTY.  It's one of the grossest things I have ever seen!

The kid will eventually have to eat on his own. Then what? Will he go to school and ask his teacher to chew up his food? What about when he starts dating?  Excuse me, would you mind terribly to erm, um, chew up my steak, and then spit it in my mouth? Bloody Hell!

Not trying to be a hater or anything, but does anyone else think she has lost her damn mind?!?  How can this be advantageous? Hollywood can be a tough place to survive, but cripes, feeding your kid bird-style? That's just lunacy to me.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

How The H Did You Two Meet?

How did you two meet? I get this question, a lot. It's usually the follow up to, "That's your husband?!?" or the ever popular, "You're with him?"  I promised a while back I would blog about how someone like me, met and married someone like The Husband. I figure now that I have more than two followers that aren't my sister and myself, (and we already know the story) I would honor that promise. So here it is: I met The Husband on a BLIND  DATE.

Logically you must have come to this same conclusion. How else could he have gotten me to go out with him? Now, don't be sitting there being all judgy, or feeling sorry for him, because I don't come close to The Husband's first round draft pick either! It's just fact. If we would have spotted each other out, it would not have been love at first sight. We never would have met!

From my point of view, who in their right mind would approach such a feral beast? One does not approach a large, rabid animal, without a slab of raw meat or some sort of weapon handy to beat it off, right? Dear God, if I would've seen The Husband in his natural environment, (or a bar) making his way towards me, I would've run away, as fast as I could in three inch heels...  From  his point of  view,  if he saw me in all of my giant hair, perfumed, fake nail, way over-the-top made up splendor, he would've thought, Holy High Maintenance Bat Man! That girl has zero chance of survival. Yep, The Husband would have looked me up and down and in a hot second decided I was one thing and one thing only: A TOTAL LIABILITY!  I was weak, the runt of the litter, something better off left alone, to fend for itself and eventually die.

So how in the world, when we did meet, did we wind up falling for each other? THIS, is a great question. For our date, The Husband called and invited me over to his house, wanting to wow me with his culinary skills. (FYI, I was not in the habit of going to strange beast's lairs, and if I didn't know the person who hooked us up was in Law Enforcement and I trusted him, I never would've gone into said lair alone.) And that first night, The Husband did tone down his animal nature quite a bit. Even toned done, I was still left wondering if a such a caveman could ever actually evolve..and would it be worth it to give it a go?  But I also knew, without a doubt in my mind,  there's one thing The Husband would never be, and that's a bore! And to me, there is nothing worse than a boring yes man. At this point in Jaybird's life,  I already had my share of them... Soo when I looked at The Husband that night, I think I found him to be quite literally, the biggest challenge I had ever come across. He was everything I was not. And I liked it.

The Husband has his own version of what he thought of me, that first night. He swears he knew he wanted to marry me by the time we had finished eating dinner. And once he set his sights on something he wants, he will use every means necessary to acquire it.  Why in the world then, after dessert, did he whip out his arsenal of guns, bows, targets, knives, swords, nun chakus, and throwing stars, in an effort to impress me? To this day, he cringes about almost losing me, right then and there. But when his usual mating rituals fell flat, he instinctively knew it was time to switch tactics, and fast. With some quick thinking, he transitioned our conversation into him leaving in three weeks, for Paris Island. He had just enlisted in the United States Marine Corps and while he was away, would I please write to him? Ouch. My weak spot.. He found it, and used it to his advantage, of course. Writing? How could I say no to that? It was through those letters The Husband was able to convince me, that despite our differences, we were meant to be together.  At heart, Jaybird is just a hopeless romantic, and a giant sucker for a man in uniform, so there it is and here we are, still going strong...some fifteen years later.

It hasn't always been easy, but I can't think of  life in the Bird's Nest without The Husband. BTW he's still every bit  the same caveman/beast as the night I met him. No attempts at taming him, have ever been successful. On the other hand, I haven't miraculously become maintenance free either! Oh, we argue and fight. Oh, how we fight! Through the years, he learned to compromise, and I learned to stand my ground. I had to, otherwise he would just roll over me like a Sherman Tank. It's the little things, that show me he cares. Like how he generously added a little shelf in his Doomsday Bunker, just for my hair/nail care products and  make-up, so I could continue looking my best, even in the  Apocalypse.  Somehow, someway, in this world that has a 50% divorce rate, we just work.  :)

How about you? How did you meet your partner/significant other? Match.com? At church? In a bar?

Give me a shout out, I'd love to hear all about it!!

Friday, March 23, 2012

How to Unhealthy Turkey Burgers, The Husband's Way

I have many posts dedicated to The Husband. If I were a comedian, The Husband would provide me with enough material to fuel my entire career, even if I were Betty White. I happen to think the same is true of this blog.

It still shocks the people we meet that we are indeed, a couple. And not just because he shows up nice places wearing sweats with holes, and I show up, over-dressed with giant hair and enough make-up to rival a drag queen. (I am a Jersey Girl, after all)  But especially when he opens his mouth, and I am forced to give them, "The Disclaimer".

For those of you unfamiliar with "The Disclaimer" I'll enlighten you. I make it a priority to inform new friends we meet, "The views and opinions expressed by the individual (insert Husband's name here)are solely those of the individual and do not in any way, reflect those of the Network (otherwise known as me)"  It saves the trouble of having to apologize/explain later, if they didn't already notice from our appearances, we are complete opposites. In everything we say and do.

That being said, why was I  still shocked, last night, when I asked My Partner in Crime to finish making dinner for me, and  I wound up with what I did, for dinner???

I had to run out unexpectedly, but  had already started grilling Jenny-O Turkey Burgers, with whole wheat buns. (Thank you Biggest Loser for your shameless promotion of these burgers, because I've grown quite fond of them!) So I asked The Husband if he would jump in and finish making dinner. So,  he "helped". And this is what I came home to:

Only he could "Unhealthy" a healthy dinner. He added bacon, mushrooms, onions, and wait for it:  Yep, that's a hunk of  FRIED MACARONI AND CHEESE !!! He added Fried Freagging Macaroni and Cheese, to my healthy burger. He's impossible. And I hate, hate, hate to admit it, but they were disgustingly good. Bastard! The kids thought they'd died and gone to heaven.
He even took pictures, because he thinks it's hilarious, to screw with my "evil" agenda to make him eat healthy!!Ugh.
Needless to say,  I won't be asking him to "help" with making dinner again, any time soon. Which may or may not have been part of his plan, all along.   :)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Lucky 7 Meme

Thank  You Amy, at Limey YA Lit Girl, who thought of me and  Tagged me in Lucky Seven Meme: Here's hoping I can do it right!!

The rules of the Lucky Seven Meme:

1) Go to page 77 of your current MS
2) Go to line 7
3) Copy down the next 7 lines as they're written--no cheating
4) Tag 7 other writers
5) Let them know

Here's my entry:
(BTW, in this scene, my MC has just gotten into a car accident. )

Poor guy must have been in charge of bringing donuts to his meeting, because three or four boxes were still on the front seat of his car, the rest had fallen out onto the pavement. There was glass and squished donuts everywhere! Between the coffee and the donuts, we were a hot sugary mess.

Ben yanked the old guy's door open so hard it practically came off the hinges. Then he ripped him out of the car by his arms! He jacked that old man up and started shaking him like he was a little rag doll.

"Oh, please don't hurt me!"

And here are the Lucky Seven Authors I'm going to attempt to tag:

Frankie Writes
Faraway Series
Isabel Bandeir
Leigh Covington
Ashley Nixon
Victoria Smith

Frankie Writes
Faraway Series
Isabel Bandeira
Leigh Convington
Ashley Nixon
Victoria Smith

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Writing Contest Entry, Update

I posted my entry a few weeks ago here- Writing Contest Entry

He called again last night, all desperate and needy. Emotions as alien to him, as they are to me. Allowing myself to fall in love with a ridiculous tool like Brooks T. Powell, III, was criminal.

I watched as he sauntered into the party late, dressed like a vampire. How completely predictable. I already know he's a harbinger of eternal death and all things evil, no costume necessary. As he glided over to Missy, wrapping her up in his faux cape and charm, I wondered how long it would take before my best friend figured it out.

Although I did not win, I'm ridiculously excited to report Agent Suzie Townsend, over at Confessions gave me a shout out for BEST PARANORMAL.

Yep, I had to read that about ten times and pinch myself to make sure it was real. That mention put a smile on my face which absolutely nothing is gonna wipe off,  for a long, long, time. Congratulations to Ashley, who did win. And double bonus points for her Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference.  Buffy is my fav tele show, so she Wins in my book, for that alone. Way to go.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

JayBird's Do's and Don'ts When Visiting the Inner Harbor, Baltimore, MD

JayBird's List of Do's and Don'ts When Visiting Inner Harbor
DO: Stay at the Renaissance HarborPlace Hotel.  Not just because  the name is cool, but because it's all about Location, Location, Location. You can walk to everything. And, the hotel staff  is amazing! They are warm, friendly and just so darn welcoming. The Awesome People Who Work There Are: Clifton, Derek, Perrisha, Angel and Antonio, just to name a few :) Plus, you have access to this mall from inside the hotel. Very convenient.
DON'T: Forget about the hot tub after a  long day of walking around The Harbor.  
DO: Get out of the hot tub when a guy in a teeny, weeny, white Speedo (ewww!) gets in and sits down right beside you. Uh, yeah. I had to go after that.
DO: Go to the Club Lounge for hors d'oeuvres and dessert. I had lots of coffee, yummy brie and chocolate cake. Not necessarily in that order.
DON'T: Forget your room number, or to write it down on something. You won't find it on the key card. If I didn't hear The Husband's giant mouth coming from our room, I'd still be blundering my way around the hallways, searching for it.
DO: GO to the Maryland Science Center, it's awesome.
DON'T: WIMP OUT!! Allow your kids to try the Cricket Spit.( Gotta give a shout out to my oldest Faith, who spit her cricket a very impressive 12 feet, woot woot!) Please,
Don't freak out like some of the uptight yuppie-type parents I saw this weekend. Let your freaking kid taste the Cricket Praline Crunch.  (Even I tasted it.... It's a bit nutty.)
Do: Explore the entire Harry's Big Adventure: My Bug World, and Take a free picture with Harry the Giant Premantis, who's shamelessly promoted by Terminix... Also, try and catch the IMAX, I-Sea Rex 3D show. The kids absolutely loved the giant marine reptiles and I enjoyed the chance to sit down, nosh on some popcorn and rest for a spell :) 

DO:  Go to the National Aquarium. But be prepared for crowds on the weekend.

But, DON'T: BE CHEAP and not spend the extra $4.00 to see the Dolphin Show. It is well worth it.

DO: GO ON THE DRAGON BOATS (Cause it's fun and good exercise and you can take lots of pictures from the water that come out cool.)
Finally, Jaybird's  #1 INNER HARBOR DON'T:
PLEEASE DON'T:Go looking for Edgar Allen Poe's House by yourself, when it's getting dark, without packing heat or a POLICE ESCORT, or a clue about how sketch the neighborhood is...no pics of my stupidity (or underwear) need to be published here.  Enough said. 

Here are some extra random tips and pics from visiting Inner Harbor:
DON'T: go into the Rainforest Exhibit in the Aquarium if you suffer from claustrophobia, like me. Here I am taking a moment after a serious freak out/panic attack afterward. 

View of the mast on this tall ship from the hotel Starbucks. Oh, yeah, did I mention there's a Starbucks, in the lobby of this hotel? Oh, how I love that place.  

Jelly Exhibit at the Aquarium. I skipped this cause I ain't beat.  I learned my lesson after visiting the rain forest and suffering from a total nuclear meltdown little freak out so I sent The Husband and kids on ahead without me.

Despite the few set backs, we had an amazing time in Baltimore this weekend.. hope you enjoyed your weekend as much as I enjoyed mine.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Un- Balanced

I wear so many hats but just can't seem to get them all to fit on my head, at once! How do you place your time and energy into one thing and not forsake all the others?  I guess I'm an epic failure at multi-tasking. Oh, I can do it, like any woman can, but that doesn't mean something or someone doesn't suffer for it. And I don't wind up feeling, so completely GUILTY.

How can I move from being Unbalanced-to-Balanced? A lot of women I know, feel the same way I do, but refuse to acknowledge it. They don't want to admit (to themselves, or anyone else) they can't do it all! There is this stigma attached to admitting our shortcomings. But why? Why are women in particular, so hard on themselves? Why do women judge others for their lack of balance, meanwhile, their constantly fighting to maintain it themselves? I'm  not sure.  I'm the wrong person to ask because my philosophy, has always been the opposite.

I vocalize all of my faults, shouting them from the roof tops, to whomever will listen, in the hopes  of finding a solution. Knowing, full well, people are going to criticize me. I have had plenty of people openly judge me for being so forthcoming. Once, after I admitted to having trouble keeping my house picked up, I had a friend say to me, "I just don't understand how your house can get so messy?!?" 

Yep, she who made this hurtful comment, has also dropped other such brilliant statements on me, such as: How could I be a stay-at-home mom since they don't do anything all day and I must be SO bored? Really? OK, after making the same gesture to the phone as Spike here, I had to mull over her asshole comments and gain a better perspective. In this "friend's" home, there is only one off-spring and a husband who loves to cook, clean and do laundry. It was really unfathomable to her, that my house (or anyone else's) could ever become unkempt, so quickly.

I find it funny, that although I'm the one who openly admits to being a fast disaster and constantly puts myself out there, also happens to be the first person my friends and family members call for help, when they have a problem?!!

Is there some kind of correlation here? Compare yourself to the worst, and it will make you feel better about yourself? Kinda like when I watch my 600 lb life or an episode of Hoarders...I will never allow myself to get that fat, or let my house go until I no longer see floor. IDK.  Opening yourself up to such brutal honestly and judgement hurts. But I'd rather be hurt and grow from it, than pretend like there's nothing wrong. Because  I'm totally convinced that:

     All the women who go around deny, deny, denying they have problems, acting like they have it together all the time, and aren't "F"ed up, are the  most "F" ed of  us all!

I'm very curious what you think. Any one else out there like me, who will openly admit to and own up to feeling UNBALANCED?   Or, am I the one who's wrong to air all of my faults, not even trying to pretend to have it all together?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Newest X-Man


MINI X-KITTY:  Her Mutant power is to blind you with her cuteness! Sorry, couldn't help myself. Simply, had to purchase this cape. Look how happy it makes her to wear it. Hehehehe.

PS: My girls and I decided she needed her X-Kitty Mutant name...which is CATASTROPHIC!!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

This is a Happy, Happy Day!

Yesterday's Movie Blog Fest boosted my count more than any other day since I started Blogging.   I'm STOKED over here!! Thank You So Much to all of my new Followers. You make me smile and want to blog and write more and more and more. Love you guys.

I spent most of yesterday afternoon (into early this morning) combing the Internet for pictures of more of my main characters. I just can't seem to get them out of my head. Yep, it's pretty much haunting me. I also thought of  more songs for the soundtrack...surprise surprise.

I'm going to print all of these pics and pin them up around me while I write, for added inspiration.  Seeing the faces of the characters that have previously existed in my head, staring back at me, will definitely help nail down their voice. Anyone else think about doing that?

Wishing all of your days, start and end as brilliant as mine!

P.S. Holler at me if you'd like to see any of  those bonus photos or tracks I went trolling for.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Movie Blog Fest: My half-ass abbreviated last minute version

SO:  I caught the tail end of this ridiculously awesome Blog Fest this morning and read a lot of the entries. I have to admit, I never thought I could find anyone to play the parts of the voices/faces in my head, but here goes my half-ass, last minute, thrown together go at it:

BTW, The entire country would hear me hollering, if my WIP, "Breaking Cardinale Rules"  ever became a movie! There would be no living with me. I would be a broken record singing to anyone who would listen, everywhere I went, "My book became a movie, my book became a movie..." Sigh.

I would be hard-pressed to find any Hollywood actress/model who ate enough to look like my Main Character, Jenny Cardinale, cause she's definitely got boobs and a butt on her. She's beautiful but don't hate. Jenny's the best friend you could ever have. This girl is special and can see what no one else can, when she looks in your eyes. Loyal to a fault with a giant bleeding heart, she's always collecting strays. People, as well as pets. She's Sicilian and comes from the Jersey Shore, but is as far from "Snooki" and her freaggin pouf as you could get!!

Jenny's friends are extremely diverse. One of my favs is:

French Canadian Rick Thonet. Rick is a dimpled-cheek cutie, youngest of six brothers. He's a total smart-ass, prone to cussing (en francais) fighting and playing ice hockey. He has a past that haunts him every waking minute of every single day. But you'd never know it by the grin he's always got on his face. Picture him below, just a little younger.

Love interest #1:  Ben Malefico, III. He was the hardest for me to cast, because he's so pretty yet still masculine. He's full of swagger, excitement and himself, truly one of the biggest douches you'd ever want to hook up with, much less fall in love....but he's just so, uh, yummy, you try and suppress ignore what a tool he is....

My playlist would have to be as follows:
People in Planes: If You Talk too Much My Head Will Explode

The Cure: Love Song

Ludacris: My Chick Bad

I love music and my play lists. I  could go on and on and on ..... So there you have it. Hope you liked  my half-ass, quick as crap last minute entry.