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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Monday, May 21, 2012

I believe the end is near, or Aliens may have abducted The Husband.

Friends, I think the end is near. Yesterday, I heard some words fall from the lips of The Husband I never in a million years imagined I would hear. I'm quite convinced the world is coming to an end. I'll repeat his words for you now, even though I still haven't quite wrapped my own brain around them. He said: "Well, it's official. I am at my all time fattest. Tomorrow, I'm going to start a diet." WHAT?

Surely, The Husband I know and love for the past 15 years has been abducted by aliens! Maybe his mind was taken over and twisted into something Other.. How could this have happened? How could this be true? How could THOSE words ever come out of my Husband's mouth??? This is cra-zy talk coming from someone like him. Let me introduce you to just some reasons why those words are so out of character.

Since I've known him, the man has vehemently objected to any kind of restricted eating. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even consider any food intake an actual meal, unless it includes copious amounts of red meat and at least a tablespoon or two of bacon fat! These words are blasphemy, coming from a man who refuses to even hang out with someone on a diet, since he considers them to be "too hungry to be any fun". Might I remind you, this was the very same man who recently added FRIED MACARONI AND CHEESE to my healthy, turkey burgers!  ("see my post How to Un-healthy Turkey Burgers, The Husband's Way")  My friends, we're talking about a guy, whose favorite form of exercise is to eat meatball subs on the couch while he watches me work out!!!

Could he really be serious? After years of trying to get him to change his wicked ways, I had just about given up all hope. I stopped asking him to go with me on walks, to the gym or to try a new "healthy" recipe. I stopped getting on his case about his pants being too tight and just started buying him bigger sizes. I also stopped pointing out that no one else eats three sandwiches and considers it "a warm up" before a meal.

I have no idea what triggered this kind of apocalyptic response in him, but I am grateful for it. The hardest thing for me to do, (as always) is to hold my tongue, and try not to react to his declaration. I have wanted him to eat healthy for so long, I can barely contain my excitement. Here's hoping admitting to having a problem is truly the first step to recovery...and in the meantime, just to be safe, I'll be watching intently for any signs of unidentified flying objects, crop circles, and little green men.


  1. Maybe it's just mid-life crisis? We do go through that. I didn't diet though. My wife said to go buy a sports car so I did.

  2. Hi Alex- Sounds like you've got yourself a top notch woman!

    I hope I don't sound like a jerk, I love The Husband just the way he is- (I like big, husky guys) but I really do wish he would eat a bit more healthy! I worry about him, all the time. Stressful job, poor diet, married to me, ugh...the poor guy! :)

  3. Oh, man--you are right to hold your tongue though--those things always backfire. Good for him for a little acceptance. Maybe try to change the WHAT of what is available and urge activity, though, as THOSE changes stick a lot more than restricting intake. My husband started walking in January for some SERIOUS health stuff and it has done wonders. He really is addicted to getting his walks in and I'm thrilled.

  4. Hart- good for your husband! Life style choices like walking are the best solution. And man oh man, why is it so hard to hold my tongue?

    Ugh- The Husband is SO crabby, I almost caved and shoved a cheeseburger in his mouth!! LOL