About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

"Low BMI"

Just got back from the Dr.'s office and she told me I've lost 27 pounds since the last time I was there! Wait, what?

Ya, you heard me. Me, yes me who rocks a muffin top has been told that I have a low BMI...I am LMAO...Really? I guess I should retract my prior blog about the Rotavirus and begin singing its praises. Maybe I could somehow figure out how to funnel the germs into a drink and market it as the newest fad diet. I'd make a damn fortune!

Bottom line, I am shocked. Really, truly shocked. I knew I'd been losing weight but holy crap I usually have to sweat, bleed, cry and kick box my heart out to lose anything. Wow. Still in shock over here. Who knew the Rotavirus was all I needed to bring me back down to my wedding day weight! I wish I had recorded the Dr.'s voice so I could play it over and over again in my head.
This should not last long, so I would have liked to have kept it for prosperity.

Sorry I'm being redundant but I don't think I could ever hear or say it enough...

Monday, July 26, 2010

It's all fun and games until..!

It seems like every summer, no matter how many precautions I take, my family still catches the dreaded Norovirus. There is no mistaking this plague once it's unleashed. The minute the first victim goes down, you know it's only a matter of time. One by one, slowly it creeps up to claim you and every single member of your family and any living organism you have come in contact with in the past three days.

The demonic smell of this evil virus alone, is enough to take the strongest of us all out. You have never smelled anything quite like it on the face of this earth, trust me. It's so purely unique in its foulness, you know right away that you are dealing with something horrible, something other than human. Literally, it could be the "weapon of mass destruction" we've been searching for.

Almost like being in labor, when the first clench of a stomach cramp hits you, you know your time has come. Once the Norovirus has claimed you as its next victim, for the next 12-15 hours straight, you will become its bitch. The subsequent shrieks of protests that resound from deep within your abdomen have no effect. The VIRUS, once unleashed, never deviates from its mission. It's ultimate plan, of course, is for you and your entire household to empty your bodies of any fluids or solids ingested since infancy, from every orifice you have.

Over the course of the most miserable 12-15 hours of your existence, you have only two options. Pray and wait. Wild, errant thoughts enter your head while you are wallowing in the trenches. At first, I thought, wouldn't it be easier to just lay me down in the tub and let someone come hose me off from time to time? Then, around the tenth hour, when I was delirious, angry and quite possibly mad, I thought, come on, ROTAVIRUS, bring it, what have I got to loose? Another five hours of this and I will reach my goal weight !!

Then, like a King Cobra, as quickly as it strikes, it retreats, yet you just can't really believe it's gone. Although you wait for the counter attack, it's already moved on to its next victim. This is a good thing since you have no more fight in you. There's nothing left to give. The cold tile floor in your bathroom has become your resting place and it never felt so good. You may rest there for another twelve hours or at least until the dizziness and hallucinations pass. It's not until I'm at this point, when I know it's safe to pull myself up and climb into bed. It's only when I'm strong enough to pull the scale out and weigh myself, I know it's really moved on.

Although the battle is over, unfortunately, the damage is done. The whole house is wounded and just trying to get the smell out can takes weeks. Just consider every single pot, garbage can, blanket, pillow, comforter and pair of underwear your family has ever owned as collateral damage. There is no recouping those losses.

So what advice can I give after this kind of destruction? Go on with your life. Rebuild, take comfort knowing your skinny jeans fit you once again.. Live, laugh, love to the fullest. Because you never know. It's all just fun and games, until ....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Writing, writing, writing

Got up early and worked all day long. I edited, wrote, edited, repeat. My eyes are crossed, my back hurts, and I have a headache from hell, but I am so happy I was able to get so much work done.

Can't believe it's 10:00 p.m. and I've been sitting in the same seat since 6:00 a.m. this morning. My poor kids stayed in their pjs all day and the husband had to make dinner. Everytime he asked me "what's for dinner" I growled at him. Finally, he gave up and fired up the grill. I scarfed a turkey burger in one hand and typed with the other. I didn't want to stop while I was in the flow.

Hopefully, one day all of this hard work will pay off and I will get published. Then maybe the husband and I could actually go out to dinner and celebrate!!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Oops I did it again

Oops I did it again, I think I pushed the husband too far. He went to the store for me yesterday and took my car. I got the phone call right away. All he said was, "Really?" And I knew.

My newly installed Wolverine Bobblehead, which I absolutely adore, went over like a fart in church. Normally he laughs at my obsession with Hugh Jackman, but ever since Wolverine Origins has been running on HBO that's all I've been watching or talking about. Everyone has their limits.

I'm not taking him down, I'm just saying, I might have to tone it down a bit...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"I want to be famous"

My six year old daughter woke up and was seriously upset. Of course, I asked, "what's wrong?" And she replied, "I just want to be famous already!"

Gotta love that kid. She is always cracking me up. She literally made my sister Adrienne (sorry for outing you A, but it was just too funny to keep to myself) pee her pants a few months ago, because she made her laugh so hard. She really, really wants to be a star. She doesn't care if it's for her singing, acting or comedic abilities, she just wants to be famous. And I have no doubt she one day, very well may be.

There is never a time when Franchesca a/k/a Frankie isn't "on". Wherever we go, no matter what we do, she is always looking for a chance to perform. Her jokes are delivered with perfect comedic timing and with sheer brilliance well beyond an average six year old's capabilities. She's even created her own language, which she named after herself, she calls it "Frankanese"..LOL But what do I do with that as a responsible, caring parent?

I don't want to become the stereotypical "stage mom" pushing her, taking the fun out of it all by rushing and running my kid here and there all over NYC, fussing over her hair and makeup like the God-awful "Toddlers, Tiaras, etc." parents. I don't want my kid to start to look like a little 6- year-old tricked out Barbie doll; just the mere thought of it makes me want to vomit. There are some reputable agents out there, but they are few and far between and most cost copious amounts of money I am unable to spend. On the other hand, I don't want her to think I don't believe in her, or that it's not possible for her to go after her dream. I don't want her to look at me one day and say I never provided her with the opportunities she needed to succeed. Hmm. What a pickle. Any suggestions? I'm open to hearing some....

In the meanwhile, here are just a few samples of things my kid has said that has caused us to crack up:

Just in Hawaii alone, she didn't stop. Here are a few instances that stand out and I can remember off the top of my head:

While we were sitting at a very crowded outdoor cafe eating breakfast, across the street from the beach, a very pale, pasty, skinny man in a very tiny, weeny, white Speedo comes up out of the water and stood there staring at us. Frankie looks up from her pancakes, looks at the weenie bikini guy, and loudly announces, "Mom, that's just wrong!@".... (The entire patio full of people lost it..)

Once, when the husband was walking full steam ahead of us, Frankie wanted to walk with him but couldn't catch up. To get his attention, she opera sang LOUD, "If you give me your hannnnd, I'll give you my loooove..."

Frankie grabbed a "walking stick" to help her while hiking, since it's a very hard hike for a six year old to get to the top of the volcano. When she got to the top she said to everyone gathered there, in her best Yoda voice and impression, "I am a Jedi warrior.. size matters not..do or do not Luke Skywalker, there is no try!!" Everyone was dying.

Monday, July 5, 2010

It's been a long time. ...

Wow. It's been such a long time since I last blogged I kind of forgot where I left off...

I'm extremely grateful for my little brother and his superior intelligence in IT (it's awesome being related to the Geek Squad) He spent four hours at my house, two of which were on the phone with Verizon, a/k/a India, and then again with HP a/k/a India when he finally figured out the problem. I still don't totally understand it myself, something that has to do with the programs, which doesn't make sense to me, since I have a brand new computer, but whatever. Everyone who knows me knows I don't know jack about how computers work and I don't care as long as it actually does work!

In the meanwhile, I've been writing a lot and working with pencils and paper, which is a total pain. I have all of these little yellow post its with thoughts and ideas scribbled on them all over my house. Being able to sit here and type this out on the computer is such a gift, I'm not kidding, I can't wait to finish what I've started.

Just this morning, I had a new book idea. So I got up really early, put on a pot of coffee and thought, I'm just going to flesh this out real quick into an outline. But before you know it, it's almost 1:30 pm and I had the entire first chapter done!! The main character is really a challenge and I'm looking forward to exploiting all of her possibilities in the near future. Before I feel I can continue further, I must finish editing "Breaking Cardinale Rules". It's not technically ready to send to a publisher, yet. When I need a break from that, I'll work on the second book in that series, "Finding Moore". I started it while in Hawaii so I thought it only appropriate my characters start out there as well. It's a lot more intense than the first book, less introspective and lots of fun. Can't wait to see where this all takes me.

My kids and the husband are always saying, "Mom, your doing it again!" Doing what, I ask? "Staring at nothing." And I have to explain, (like I'm not totally insane and my explanation makes perfect sense) "I'm not staring at nothing, I see lots of things in my head!"

Any writer knows what I'm talking about. It just sneaks up on you sometimes, you can't help it. I can be out at the store, on the phone, anywhere really and a great plot or character just hits you, and you kind of explore it in your mind for a minute or two, (sometimes longer) and you get caught, just kind of staring at nothing. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! LOL

I hope to have my work published in the near future and hopefully one day, when my kids are grown and I'm long gone they will be able to hold my books in their hands and say, "wow, she really did see lots of things in her head!!"