About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, January 23, 2015

Life Reflections

I'm not going to list all of the reasons (which are long and arduous) why I haven't been around. Life happens to us all. The bottom line is, I guess I stopped making blogging a priority. It's not because I don't love doing it or my affection for any of you has waned, it's because so many other things in my world must come first. How's that for honesty?

Today, is my daughter Frankie's birthday. Eleven years ago on this day I was in a much different frame of mind. Many of you already know the story of her birth and how difficult it was for me. For those of you who don't, I'll make a long story short.  I came very close to death. Technically, I did die. But only for a minute...lol. The experience was, for obvious reasons, life changing.

Traditionally, January is a time of life reflections.  To me, every January 23 is the day I reflect over my life choices. Taking stock of my life and what I have accomplished since the day my beautiful daughter was born and I "died", is of vital importance to me. Never do I want to feel like I've wasted my time. I never want to stop challenging myself to be better, to do more, to love more deeply. Every single hour, of every single day, I wonder if what I've accomplished or what choices I've made are worthy of my borrowed time. Because for some reason, I was given a second chance, and I refuse to waste it. Deep down inside, I can't help questioning, why? Why did I come back? What is my purpose for being here?

Of course, the obvious reasons jump out at me: for my husband, to raise my kids, for my family and friends. But I think, with no disrespect to the above, it goes much deeper than that. I feel like there is a purpose and  a plan that God has for me that I haven't fully realized, yet. Oh, I have my suspicions what He'd like me to be doing... writing is something I am strongly compelled to do. At present, I have more projects that are taxiing around the runway than ready for take-off. I'm not entirely sure if they are ever meant to take off. That is something I plan on spending some serious thought and time in prayer about, this coming year. Unlike writing, some of my purposes were a whole lot easier to figure out. Like, being a Youth Group Leader, Sunday School Teacher and volunteering at our homeless/food outreach mission at church. All of those things I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was meant to do. I hold each of those outreaches very dear to my heart and I absolutely love doing them. BUT, I still feel like there is more! More for me to do, more for me to implement in my life. And until I find out exactly what those other purposes and plans are, I will continue to wrestle with the same questions, year after year. Did I make it count? Did I do my best? How did I live? Are my priorities straight? How did I spend my time? Am I grateful for each and every breathe I take?

Maybe, you're like me and you struggle with your life reflections. Maybe, like me, you are continually searching for the purpose and plan God has for your life. And maybe, like me, this passage will bring you a measure of peace when you wonder about your life's reflections:

Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

13 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to you precious daughter. I can only imagine how you must feel after such an experience. It sounds like you strive to make the most of each and ever day you have been given.

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    1. Hi Suzanne! I try my best. Some days I know I fall way short of the mark. But for the most part, I always try to encourage or lift up someone else or help another in some small way. I feel like it's the little things that can make the biggest impact.

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  2. Were you a living example of God's love for others? Then it counted.
    Happy birthday to Frankie!

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    1. I sure hope so!! I certainly have been giving it my all. As I'm sure you know by now, I hold myself to a pretty hard standard. I am quite forgiving of everyone around me, but myself, not so much...

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  3. Blogging is a nice treat but it's nothing compared to the joy of family, so good for you for living life to the fullest. In the end that's what truly matters - not keeping a journal on the Internet.

    Oh, and happy birthday, Frankie!

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    1. I don't want to give up blogging, I just can't do it as often. Lately, so many other things in my life have been (literally) screaming for my attention. I can't seem to find the time I used to for it. I don't know what happened, or how everything has shifted so much around in my life, but it is what it is. I kept beating myself up for it, and then I was like, why? Why am I SO hard on myself all the time? I can only do so much. If I blog every few weeks instead of all the time, hopefully no one will stop reading or caring what I have to say. I'm nothing but honest, and always put it all out there. I know I care about everyone I follow, and when I've missed time, I try to catch up and read back-posts as soon as I can.

      Which, BTW, I LOOOVED the post about how Bryan rescued the baby Bengal. I made my girls come and see the pictures of her and they freaked out. She is adorable. We especially loved the picture of her underneath the couch. We were all equally dumbfounded at the stupidity of someone who did not know what that breed of cat is known for: stalking, jumping, being a predator, basically being exactly what it was bred to be: a hybrid cat only a generation or two from the jungle. A girlfriend of mine has two and they are cray-zy (in a good way). When you go over her house, they like to stalk you and they can be so quiet and stealthy and then all of a sudden, they sneak attack and jump you! It's hilarious. They can scare the crap out of you one second, and then give you a kiss and curl up in your lap and fall asleep in seconds. Personally, I think they are amazing.

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  4. Happy Birthday Frankie!!

    Some days I let the world get to me and think about how much more I could get done if I wasn't so involved in volunteer stuff and kids, but the bottom line is we only have one chance to raise our kids. I now have two in college and two in high school, so I have more free time than I did five years ago. I know in four more years, I'll have even more time. So, I'll not miss the opportunity to cherish the now while I have them, and neither should you.

    And who knows what God's plan is for you...I just know He does have one.

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth! I already see the writing on the wall with my girls. They are so close in age, they will be out of the house and in college, boom, boom, boom, one year right after the other. The Husband and I will not even know what to do with a house, sans noise and girls! It is going to be quite an adjustment.

      I do cherish all the time I get with the girls. Even though I do a lot of outreach and volunteering, my girls are usually right there with me. I think it's important for them to give back as well. I'm all about using our time and talent God gave us to give back....I just wonder what the heck my talents are sometimes. Know what I mean? I waffle about whether or not I should spend so much time writing. Maybe, in a few years, when my house (sniff, sniff) is all but empty, I might jump back into writing full-time. I don't know. Who knows, maybe, I might just pull a Brad and Angie and snatch me up some more babies. (Not sure The Husband would be down with that idea..) All I do know is this, if God puts something on my heart to do, I'm going to do it. I just have to wait and see. In case you haven't noticed this about me yet, I am NOT very patient. Ha.

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  5. I used to make myself crazy trying to figure out what my life's purpose was. I knew I wasn't going to be someone "great" like Gandhi or Mother Theresa. What I finally decided is that I needed to be the best Karen I could be in every given moment. It's hard work.

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    1. That is amazing advice Karen, thank you. I do try to be the best version of myself I can be too. It's just that I think I am a lot harder on myself for what I should be doing than most... probably because of my circumstances. Overall, I do really try though, to make a difference in some way, every single day. Usually it's in a small way, not some grand overture. I hope that being faithful in all of the little things, will help me be ready to jump into something big, one day! Who knows, maybe it's the little things that count the most?

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  6. Happy Birthday, Frankie!
    You will fulfill your purpose by being you. :) Good luck with your reflections. I hope you find the answers you're looking for!

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    1. RACH!! I miss talking to you. I hope all is well with you and the family. I hope you had a wonderful holiday with all of your sweet little babies. I think of you quite often and really do want to help if you have anything that needs to be looked at. I don't want to fall off the face of the blog-o-sphere; I might just be here a little less often. It comes in waves, my business. Sometimes, I can't seem to catch my breath.Other times, I know I could squeeze in a few posts, but then I struggle with what's important enough for me to say- does that make any sense? Maybe I'm just a straight-up whiner and no one wants to here me complain about it....

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  7. As fun as blogging can be, I don't think anyone would fault you for not making it a top priority. Life should always come first, after all, as all of us know quite well! Best of luck with your reflections. You already seem to be making a great use of your life, IMO!

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