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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Wednesday, September 3, 2014

"A Slow Fade" September Meeting of the Insecure Writer's Support Group

Gah! Is it really September? Do my kids really have to go back to school tomorrow? Oy!! Somehow, the summer is over and here we are, the first Wednesday of the month, ready for another IWSG post. If you'd like to know more about this spectacular group of insecure writers, click here: Alex J. Cavanaugh or hit up their Facebook page!


This month, I plan on implementing huge changes in my writing and personal life. It's been WAY too long since I focused on me. I know that sound super selfish, but ever since I became a mother, (13 years ago) I have put myself dead last at the bottom of  a long list of priorities. Even the cat's needs get met and placed before my own. Who's fault is this? Completely mine! I plan on rectifying that though, starting today.  This month, I promised myself I WILL take time for me. I WILL schedule writing time as well as take a much needed break, just for me. The only obstacle I face is me. Yep, my biggest enemy has always been myself.

In my writing life- I continually knock my work down with my lack of confidence and insecurities. I never feel like I'm good enough. In my personal life I constantly feel guilty if (God forbid) I sit down for five minutes. It's so bad, I can't even tell you the last time I had a decent hair cut. You know, a hair cut that is not me getting fed up so I take my kitchen shears and chop my bangs off along with all of  the dead ends myself. It's been at least ten years since I visited a real salon. TEN YEARS!! My younger self is cringing. There was a time I wouldn't even venture out of the house without my hair coiffed and my make-up perfectly applied. Now I'm lucky if I leave the house wearing a clean shirt! How did I allow this to happen? How did I push all of my wants and needs and dreams aside? It was a slow fade friends. But I don't want to fade out completely. I want to start shining brightly again.  I want to pursue my wants, my needs, my dreams, before it's too late and I am but a shadow of the person I once was.

Have any of you suffered from a slow fade in your writing life? What about your personal life? Any of you feel massive guilt, like me, if you take time, just  for yourself?

31 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Funny what fades over time when we become too busy.
    You should treat yourself to a haircut this week!

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    1. I think I might! It's way too long, especially now that I'm older.

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  3. I was like you. But my eyes have been opened. My needs now must be met. Nothing like a personal crisis to turn your routine and assumptions on its head and get you to reevaluate just why you are depriving yourself. Turns out I didn't want to do it anymore. Go get a real haircut! And maybe (gasp!) even a manicure!

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    1. Hi Kim!!! A real haircut and a manicure? That would be lovely. It's a hard habit to break, not taking time for myself. I am tempted every day to leave my own needs out of the equation. I need to adopt not only a new hair style, but a new attitude!!

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  4. Cats do like to come first. ;)

    You really should focus on you too, and I think it's great you're realizing you need to put yourself first. You can't fully take care of others, if you aren't taking good care of yourself too.

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    1. Ironically, the cat seems to be the only one who's always grateful to me for taking care of her!! The rest of my family have all come to expect that I wait on them hand and foot. Of course, I enabled this. So I am truly the only one I can blame here.

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  5. I'm guilty of it. Then I'm not. Then I'm guilty. No, I'm not crazy. I do this roller coaster thing...I will set aside time for me, then I will see things going undone, so I will ditch me and try to play crazy catch up. Then I will get cranky (writing is a bit like a drug and a fix now and again is needed) and I will go back to what I want to do. Last real haircut I got was in March. I've been rocking the pony tail and I cut my bangs last time driving in the family roadster with a pair of those tiny scissors that come in the bitty sewing kits.

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    1. LOL!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who takes matters into their own hands when it comes to hair. I've given up on taking care of myself, a long time ago. I really do need to stop feeling guilty and take care of my business. My girls are older now, and are no longer babies that need their mom falling all over them. Of course, rationally I know this to be true. My heart, not so much. I need to stop feeling guilty and start feeling and taking care of my old self.

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  6. I consider my rare but much-needed "me" time as an essential ingredient required to create the fuel I need to take care of others.

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    1. Thanks Cynthia!! I knew I wasn't alone in needed some time, just for myself.

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  7. I get my hair cut about once every three years, and usually it's me flipping my hair over and going at it with a pair of scissors. I took my daughter to the salon this weekend to get some highlights and I thought...maybe I should make an appointment. Haha. I have a hard time spending time on "me" when there are so many other productive things I could be doing...so I totally feel you. I think you always shine brightly no matter what, Jaybird. I'm excited for you to take some YOU time this month!

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    1. Make that appointment!! You are just like me and throw everything you have into your kids and husband and then there's very little left over at the end of the day for us!! It's hard to break this cycle, but I am determined to carve out some time for myself.

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  8. Prioritizing yourself is essential. Go accomplish your dreams. IWSG Co-Host

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    1. Thanks Sheena!! And thank you for co-hosting the IWSG this month!!

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  9. I also feel guilty of giving myself some time, but I still do it. The problem is that I don't enjoy it as much as I should, but I still do it. So I would say, no matter how guilty you feel, give yourself some "Jaybird time". Eventually you'll get used to it. :)

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    1. Hey Al! Yes, I do need to get over the guilt. Honestly, my girls are getting older, and they are not the babies they once were. They don't need me constantly hovering over them. This is equally my fault as it is my families. I do everything and they just got used to it. I need to start breaking that habit of doing everything for them, as much as I need to remember to schedule some me time. A common mom faux paux, I'm sure.

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  10. I'm ashamed to say that I'm a totally selfish writer. We have no kids and my wife is great about giving me "writing time".

    I really hope you do take that time for yourself and, remember, there's nothing wrong with looking out for you once in a while.

    Don't feel guilty...just write! :)

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    1. Thanks Mark!! Back BK (before kids) I would spend entire weekends doing whatever the heck I wanted to do. Now, if you asked me what I'd do with a whole weekend, all to myself, I would freeze like a deer in the headlights; I'd have no idea. It's been that long since I had time to myself. A break is much needed, indeed!

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  11. It definitely sounds like you need to spend some time on yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that! Look after yourself :)

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    1. Thanks so much Laura!! I plan on doing it.

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  12. Good for you, take some time for yourself and don't feel guilty about booking that haircut! Let us know how you get on.

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  13. Don't feel guilty! You deserve you time. But I think part of being a mom is feeling guilty all the time, no matter what you do. :-P Guilty for writing, guilty for not writing. Just do what you can and try to enjoy it! :)

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    1. Ha ha ha! At least being an Italian mother means you feel guilt or impart it on someone, all the time, LOL. I do really wish for more time so I could just sit and write. Darn, I'd be glad if I could just sit and think without everyone hollering for my attention.

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  14. First-motherhood is not for wimps!
    Second-if momma ain't happy, nobody's happy!

    Take some guilt free time for yourself and make the whole family feel better.

    Oh and, from what I just read; you're a darn good writer. Hope you don't hate me.

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    1. That's for sure!! And no way would I ever hate you!! I solicited that advice from you. The only way I can become a better writer is learning how to take criticism. You always give it with grace, thank you!!

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  15. Mama reporting in. Yes, I've felt overwhelmed and like I don't pay enough attention to myself or at times my writing. I have many writing commitments and try my best to keep up with them but it's hard when you have family. I loved your post and am becoming a member to see more! Visiting IWSG member.

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    1. Hellloooo! From one Bird to another. Great big Welcome to the Bird's Nest. So glad you decided to stop in. I think us mothers from across the country and beyond can relate to pushing our own needs aside, once children come into the mix. It's reminding ourselves to take care of ourselves too, so we can go on being great mommies in the future!!!

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  16. Oooh, I hear you! I've been a mother for about the same number of years and I totally hear you! Good for you for making the changes! :-)

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    1. Baby steps!! But I'm really trying to get there. I know I can't be the person I want to be and model to my own girls, if I don't take care of myself.

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting!!

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