About Me

My photo
Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

Total Pageviews

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The Axe Epidemic

There is a new and rather disturbing trend that has become popular with Middle School boys. This fad is what my daughter and I have come to refer to as "The Axe Epidemic".   I'm not sure about anywhere else in the country, but the boys around these parts have all lost their minds and their olfactory glands, because they have decided that taking a bath in Axe body spray, is a substantial substitute for antiperspirant/deodorant. And  they would be, of course, dead WRONG!

I was first made painfully aware of this epidemic, at the beginning of the school year. Back in the early and still quite warm months of September and October, my daughter BEGGED me not to have to ride home on the late bus. At first, I thought it was because she was new and as a 7th grader, one the youngest to attend the school. I assumed she was intimidated and afraid of all the rowdy, ginormous 9th grade football players that pile onto said late bus, after practice. Like any other good, enabling mother, I started to pick her up after school everyday, thinking it would be best, just until she got settled into her new school and all. But I should have given my daughter more credit. She is her father's daughter and is not easily intimidated by anyone. Never in a million years would I have guessed the real reason my kid didn't want to take the late bus home.

A significant amount of time passed. I saw her adjusting well to her school and becoming comfortable in her classes and new routine.  I suggested she start taking the late bus home again. That's when she broke down and said, "Mom, I just can't take it." I swooped in like an after-school special. I was armed and ready to go with my love who you are, go self-esteem, be a leader not a follower speech... But before I even got through my awesome opening statement, she jumped in, cutting me off saying, "Mom, do you think I am afraid of the football players?"  "Yes, I did. I do. Wait, aren't you?"  "NO!" She yelled at me and started laughing in my face. Which was reassuring, I guess. After containing herself, she added, "I don't want to take the bus home with them because they smell so bad they make me want to puke! They come out of the locker room in a cloud of Axe so thick you can't  breathe. I have to hold my breath the whole way home or inhale the fumes. They make the late bus smell like Axe and hoagie. It's disgusting!!"

My question is, why isn't anyone telling these poor, stinky boys that Axe is NOT a substitute for deodorant? If not a parent, what about a coach? A friend? A sister? Have any of you fallen victim to the Axe epidemic?

22 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! I'm not sure if I should be laughing, but I am… this is AWFUL… Someone needs to say something!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Morgan!! So good to hear from you. And please laugh! Whenever my daughter and I talk about it, we laugh our butts off. I do feel sorry for those boys though. I wish I knew one of their moms, so I could make a call!!

      Delete
  2. I've smelled the stuff - it IS awful! Parents need to cut off their Axe supply.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! Nice pun Alex. I don't know what the obsession with this stuff is cause it smells RANK!!

      Delete
  3. They need an intervention at her school. Or maybe you should call the CDC. I don't want it spreading westward, lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no boys, so I don't know what the draw is to this stuff. But I do know that middle school boys are so insecure, that if everyone else is wearing it...they will too!

      Delete
  4. Hahaha! I'm not sure what Axe is, but when I was at school, there was a similar thing with Lynx body spray!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Axe is this really foul smelling body spray, which is probably similar to the Lynx you are familiar with. It is advertised quite a bit in the States with very cheesy commercials. Too bad most adolescent boys are too naive to realize the stuff is a girl repellent, not attractant!! LOL

      Delete
  5. Ha! Teenage boys and personal hygiene, now there's a time bomb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's sad because you know somewhere in their minds, they feel like they are doing the right thing by spraying themselves with that stuff.

      Delete
  6. That is hysterical!! I'm sure you've seen the American Girl sponsored body books that deal with things like girl body odor. Boys need the counterpart. Maybe in the guise of a video game. The stinky Axe wearing one is the weakest or something!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about boys, but I bought Secret deodorant for my girls and insisted they start using it, years ago. No one wants to be known as the smelly kid. I even told them then, you like to eat hoagies, right? And they all said, yes. Well, how would you like to go around smelling like the onions on that hoagie? I got the eye rolls and the oh my gosh Mom, you're so gross!! But guess what? It's years later and my little speech must have stuck with them, because the first thing my kid mentioned was that the boys all smell like Axe and hoagie!! LOL

      Delete
  7. It's not just teenagers. I know grown men that practically bathe in this stuff. Someone needs to tell them that those commercials are all lies. Women will not flock to you and hump you for smelling like this. Quite the opposite, really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought for sure she must have been exaggerating...until I went and picked her up at school, right after all the boys got let out of practice. Lord, have mercy my kid was RIGHT. That cloud of Axe was thick. I choked on it just walking through the building, I can only imagine how bad it was in the confined space of the bus. Gah!! And yes, armpit and Axe is not a smell any woman I know are attracted to, that's for sure!!

      Delete
  8. YES. My oldest is also a 7th grader, and his friends smelled like butt and a Stick Up. Just terrible. I make my boy shower and scrub every day, and after he sweats.

    Just thinking about the stench makes my eyes water.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everybody sweats- it's only natural. It's what you do about it that counts!! LOL Every young man needs a strong father to take him by the hand and tell him what needs to be done. You're a good Dad Jay!!

      Delete
  9. "Bird's Nest" has been included in Sites To See #380. Be assured that I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2014/06/sites-to-see-380.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Jerry! I really appreciate the shout out.

      Delete
  10. I notice this at the gym I attend. Good lord why do people bathe in Axe before going to the gym. The combination of the sweat and the Axe mixes to create a horrible mutant funk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "A horrible mutant funk" I love it! I might have to jack that term and use it with my daughter because that's a like the perfect description of the smell-not quite human.

      Delete
  11. Yeah, some of our middle school boys are well into Axe. You and your daughter are right. The stuff is absolutely vile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Axe is so cringe worthy- this epidemic needs to stop! By any chance do you remember Old Spice Squid? I think that is the only cologne there used to be. To this day if I smell it, it reminds me of my Dad's generation, right away. What does it say about the future of our kids, if their smell of choice is Axe? GAH!! LOL

      Delete