There is a new and rather disturbing trend that has become popular with Middle School boys. This fad is what my daughter and I have come to refer to as "The Axe Epidemic". I'm not sure about anywhere else in the country, but the boys around these parts have all lost their minds and their olfactory glands, because they have decided that taking a bath in Axe body spray, is a substantial substitute for antiperspirant/deodorant. And they would be, of course, dead WRONG!
I was first made painfully aware of this epidemic, at the beginning of the school year. Back in the early and still quite warm months of September and October, my daughter BEGGED me not to have to ride home on the late bus. At first, I thought it was because she was new and as a 7th grader, one the youngest to attend the school. I assumed she was intimidated and afraid of all the rowdy, ginormous 9th grade football players that pile onto said late bus, after practice. Like any other good, enabling mother, I started to pick her up after school everyday, thinking it would be best, just until she got settled into her new school and all. But I should have given my daughter more credit. She is her father's daughter and is not easily intimidated by anyone. Never in a million years would I have guessed the real reason my kid didn't want to take the late bus home.
A significant amount of time passed. I saw her adjusting well to her school and becoming comfortable in her classes and new routine. I suggested she start taking the late bus home again. That's when she broke down and said, "Mom, I just can't take it." I swooped in like an after-school special. I was armed and ready to go with my love who you are, go self-esteem, be a leader not a follower speech... But before I even got through my awesome opening statement, she jumped in, cutting me off saying, "Mom, do you think I am afraid of the football players?" "Yes, I did. I do. Wait, aren't you?" "NO!" She yelled at me and started laughing in my face. Which was reassuring, I guess. After containing herself, she added, "I don't want to take the bus home with them because they smell so bad they make me want to puke! They come out of the locker room in a cloud of Axe so thick you can't breathe. I have to hold my breath the whole way home or inhale the fumes. They make the late bus smell like Axe and hoagie. It's disgusting!!"
My question is, why isn't anyone telling these poor, stinky boys that Axe is NOT a substitute for deodorant? If not a parent, what about a coach? A friend? A sister? Have any of you fallen victim to the Axe epidemic?
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- In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.