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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

A-Z Challenge Letter U is for Unforgiveness

Unforgiveness is a hard subject to touch on. Without bringing religion into this post (cause God knows that's an unforgivable thing to do LOL) I'd like to talk about forgiveness.

What kind of person are you? Are you quick to forgive transgressions or are you a grudge holder? When you get mad do you stay that way for quite a while or do you have the ability to shake offenses off and move on? I have experienced something in my life that really bothers me. Certain people I know, who are very quick to condemn and judge others for trespasses, are the very same who expect their transgressions to immediately be looked over and forgiven! How is it as human beings it is so hard for us to forgive when our flesh is hurting  but as soon as we are the ones who have done the hurting, we expect mercy?

In the course of my life, I have been hurt deeply by many different people. Some I trusted implicitly and never thought in a million, trillion years would inflict such harm on me. I'm not going to get into the details but one thing I can say with absolute certainty is despite the offenses perpetrated against me, I needed to forgive the people who hurt me. I lived a lot of years bitter, resentful, angry and full of hate. (Which is not really living at all) It wasn't until I forgave the people who hurt me, that I could go on and live my life unhindered. I'm not going to say it was easy, but it was necessary. I believe it was the very first step in my healing process, because it wasn't until I forgave their transgressions I could truly live again.

Bottom line is this- I want to be the type of person who affords the same amount of forgiveness to others who hurt me as I would want extended to me when I am the one who commits the offense. (Yes, I hurt people. I'm not perfect. I don't set out to purposely hurt anyone, ever, but it still happens nonetheless.) What's your position on forgiveness? Do you lend it freely? Hold on to grudges? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

23 comments:

  1. I'm definitely a forgiver. It's REALLY hard sometimes, and even though at times I may not want to, it's always better for everyone when I do. This concept is so important to me I wrote a whole book with forgiveness as the theme, dishing out the worst things onto my poor character and having her find a way to forgive despite it all.

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    1. Sounds like the story of my life! I knew inside I HAD to forgive the people that hurt me, or else I would just turn into a bitter, hating old lady...that's not who I want to be. My ability to trust people again (and stop being a turtle with her head and feet pulled up into her shell) took a long time to restore. But I have never been freer or happier than I am now. No way do I want to go back to where I was before, holding onto the hurt!

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  2. Forgiveness is a tricky thing. I'm not really a grudge holder, I'm more of a "Well, that happened, let's move on" person lol. I never really think of it as forgiveness, but I suppose in letting it go, that's what I'm doing.

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    1. I like your attitude Kyra- "well, that happened, let's move on!" I admire your ability to let things go and just move on. My sister Adrienne is like that. If she stays mad about something for longer than ten minutes, it would be a record! She has the uncanny ability to let everything roll off of her. I envy her that ability! It doesn't come as natural to me- I have to work at it.

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  3. I live by the forgive but don't forget method. It helps me because I don't want to hold on to things but falling for the same stuff is not something I do.

    Brandon Ax: Writer's Storm

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    1. I agree. I did forgive the person who hurt me the worst, but you won't ever find me hanging out with that person ever again, that's for sure. I'm forgiving but not stupid. :)

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  4. Not forgiving only hurts us. It doesn't make what that person did right or us weak - it gives us peace.
    Tolerance is a funny thing. Those who scream loudest for it are usually the least tolerant.
    Sometimes it's hard to let things go and forgive, but for the most part, I do. All else, I just forget. (I am a guy, you know. We forget everything...)

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    1. Why are the worst perpetrators the ones who are the least forgiving? Usually people hurt others because someone hurt them. It's like a vicious cycle that needs to be recognized before it can be broken. It helps no one to keep it going. Someone has to stop blaming and start forgiving. And I agree 100%- with forgiveness finally comes peace.

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  5. As I have aged and had the gift of hindsight, I have seen what forgiveness can accomplish. God has forgiven me. Hurt, either purposely or accidentally caused, still needs forgiveness.
    Through forgiveness, we gain salvation. Forgiveness of others gives them a road to follow.

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    1. How could we ever with hold forgiveness when the Lord has forgiven us? But we tend to do it don't we? It's much harder to stay mad at someone else, when I start to take a mental inventory of all my faults I need forgiving!!

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    2. Sorry- Faith must have forgotten to sign out after she used the computer. This is Jaybird responding here!!!

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  6. As a psychiatric nurse, I've seen first hand what not forgiving can do. So I am very quick to forgive, and confess.

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    1. I have had to humble myself before quite a few people and ask for their forgiveness. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Whether or not they chose to forgive me, from that point on, is on them. But I am at least free from carrying those burdens. I don't ever set out to purposely hurt anyone, ever. That doesn't mean I don't still do it. But I too, am always quick to confess and apologize.

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  7. I forgive for myself. As in my forgiving someone usually diesn't change them one bit, but it does me. I now have peace and tranquility instead of Freud and turmoil in my life.

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    1. YES! Whenever I forgave someone it truly blessed me, not them.

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    1. Stupid "smart" phone giving you trouble again FAE? LOL

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  9. Wot? We're not supposed to talk about God? *snickers*

    Seriously, you are absolutely right. You have to forgive people and move on. Forgiving doesn't mean putting up with their crap, but honestly giving forgiveness clears your mind and frees you to live a life filled with love. Yeah, we're not perfect, are we? But we try, and I think we can forgive ourselves our own mistakes, as we forgive others.

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    1. LOL! I thought of you when I wrote that, because of your post the other day!! Glad you get my warped sense of humor Cath!

      I don't ever set out to hurt other people, ever. That's just not who I am. But I am not perfect and I still do it. I am quick to apologize though. I try not to let too much time pass before I do it too. Recently I made amends with a friend I hadn't talked to in quite a while. I called her up and begged her for her forgiveness over something I thought had offended her that I did. She laughed at me and told me she didn't even remember what the heck I was talking about. Meanwhile, I had been holding onto it for so long, embarrassed over my behavior and she had forgotten all about it!!! I did, however, breathe such a sigh of relief- I didn't realize how much it had been affecting me until I let it go.

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  10. I try to forgive others, but some emotional scars hurt too much. I do hate fake-forgiveness though. My mom and my aunt got into a big argument where they stopped talking (for at least several months) and soon after she said "I forgive her", but then refused to have anything to do with her. I know she was trying to ease some guilt, but I told her frankly that that's not forgiveness.

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    1. I have some pretty deep emotional scars myself. But they only dug deeper and deeper inside me until I forgave those that hurt me. It was NOT easy. But I can say I am so much better off for doing it!

      I understand what you mean about fake forgiveness. That's not OK. Why is it in families they can sometimes go months or years without speaking? Life is too short for that. I count every second of my time with my sister a blessing. Losing her was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. I would give anything to be able to talk to and spend time with her again..

      Most of the time (in my experience at least) the things/arguments that separate sisters are stupid and trivial, easily forgiven. But after so much time goes by, it gets harder and harder to do so. If someone were to tell your mom that this was the last day she would ever see her sister, I'm guessing she would pick up that phone or run over there and make things right between them.

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  11. While I do hold grudges sometimes, it's usually against myself. It's easier for me to forgive other people than myself, for some reason, heh.

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    1. I too, am hard on myself. But that's not exactly a good way to be either. Every once in a while, you need to give yourself a break!!

      I used to hold a grudge like no one's business. I try very hard not to do that anymore. Letting things go and forgiving have proved to be such a better way of living life, for me.

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