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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Insecure Writer's Support Group: MARCHing on!


I'm very thankful for the note that pops up on the first Wednesday of every month, reminding me to post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! Cause even though things are crazy in my life, and I haven't been able to post regularly, y'all know I never miss the IWSG. If you are interested in learning more about this awesome group, you can check it out over on Alex Cavanaugh's site.

I am SO over you, February!!  Good riddance month of  misery, freezing cold, snow, surgery and pain! I am thrilled to be ushering in the month of March with joy in my heart, a smile back on my face and a super-sized Shamrock Shake in my hand. I'd love to tell you that I woke up March 1st  free of  my writerly insecurities but that would be a big fat lie. I am still riddled with them. (Especially since I was unable to write a blessed word the entire month of February and had zero energy to accomplish any of my writing goals.)

What I did wake up with on March 1st, is so much better. I woke up with one less tumor in my body, and a cancer free diagnosis. Praise God!  Please forgive me for this departure from convention, but I'd really like to keep my insecurity on the down low this month and expound a bit more on my positive news.

It's so hard for me, a so-called woman of words, to adequately describe the relief, amazement and burden I feel lifted today. It's almost like I haven't been able to take a full breath in months, and I'm suddenly realizing I can breath again. Ironically, the worst of it all, was not the operation itself. It wasn't the incision or all the stitches either. Although the recovery was painful; it's always a huge risk whenever I undergo any surgery because along with an auto-immune disease, I have a bleeding disorder. And ultimately, I did develop some complications. I had an adverse reaction to the anesthesia and became violently ill. Wicked migraine, shakes, fever, fainting, vomiting, diarrhea, itching, swelling...overall hot mess of misery from  head to toe, (you get the idea). But that unpleasantness wasn't the absolute worst thing about this whole ordeal either. It was the worry I put my family through.

It tore me up inside to see the fear in my daughters' eyes. My two older girls and I did a lot of talking and sharing of their feelings, in order to help ease their worry. But my little one wouldn't say too much. My girls are no strangers to cancer. You see, these are the same three girls, who just four short years ago, watched their beloved and beautiful Aunt, wither away. They saw her suffer through multiple chemo treatments and eventually had to say their good byes. Imagine the stress on my kids, hearing the dreaded  "C" word being thrown around the house again. My oldest said, "This is my worst nightmare, coming true." Ugh. I'm a momma-it's my nature to want to protect and shield them from any hurt or harm- not be the cause of it!!

Even though I was able to come home the same day as surgery, I was still pretty out of it. For approximately twelve hours, every time I picked up my head, I would get sick. At one point, I woke up and heard the strangest sound. Turns out, my little one had crept into my room while I was sleeping. She was sitting on the floor, in my dark room, trying to stifle her sobs! Poor kid. It just broke my heart. Especially since a week or so before my surgery, one of my girlfriends called to tell me that her daughter (my little one's best friend) came to her in tears, she was so worried about  me. Apparently, the pair of them were getting together every day at recess time and instead of playing, they were praying together that I would be healed of cancer! Bless their little hearts.

Whenever I write about my husband, it's usually a testament to his courage and strength. (or sometimes it's cause he's royally pissed me off, he he he) Seriously though, there are very few things that man is afraid of.  But every fearful glance passed between him and my poor mother, whenever they thought I wasn't looking broke me. Watching the stress manifest itself in my families lives, and not being able to squash their fears, was honestly the worst part of this whole ordeal. Being able to deliver the good news on that pathology report, was the best. What a privilege and joy to be able to shout, don't worry, it's not cancer!  

I am incredibly grateful, but more importantly, humbled  by the amount of friends, family members, and followers that prayed for me during this difficult time. For the positive comments, thoughts, well wishes and prayers, thank you. I'd like to leave you all with this thought: I don't know why I was spared from cancer, and my sister was not. But I do know this, I am thanking God for His grace, and I'm going to live my life like the gift that it is. I'm MARCHing on peeps. I hope my words will encourage you today.  ~ Jaybird


34 comments:

  1. Amen! That is great news. Sorry you and your family went through such an ordeal. But prayers were answered!

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    1. They were! Thank you so much for praying for me Alex. I think my daughter's earnest recess prayers must have been so precious in His eyes. I know they were in my heart.

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  2. Oh my gosh Jaybird...you've got me CRYING. This is a great post with wonderful news, yet my heart aches for what you and your family (those precious children!) had to go through. I'm so glad the news was good and things are looking up for you. We are so blessed in this life, aren't we? Sending virtual hugs your way!

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    1. ^^ This.

      I mean, really, Ilima said everything I was thinking - but probably a little more eloquently!

      I adore you. I am thrilled you are well, and rather proud to have such a strong woman as my friend!

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    2. Thank you so much ladies!! I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me to have your support. I appreciate all of the uplifting comments, prayers and wonderful encouragement. I am so grateful to be a part of this blogging community where I was able to reach out and make so many friends and champions for my health and well being. Sending my love,thanks and a great big Jersey Hug to you both!

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  3. Great big virtual hugs!! I'm so happy for you and have really missed your sunshine-y presence in the blogosphere. Time for you to shine again!!

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    1. Aw, thanks Johanna. I am SO ready for a bit of sunshine over here. If the snow doesn't stop and that sun doesn't start shining again soon, I might just have to hop in my car and drive South on 95 until I find some!! xo

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  4. I am so so happy for your cancer-free diagnosis. That had to be the scariest thing ever. And your poor little ones. Now everyone can rejoice. Thanks for sharing this with us.

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    1. Hi Karen!! We are rejoicing and dancing and singing and celebrating big time over here. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes. I am so grateful!! What a wonderful community I have the privilege to be part of.

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  5. So grateful that you are okay. My father's parents died of cancer and my mother's grandmother had cancer and beat it before she died (ironically she died first and was the only grandparent I knew). Anyway I'm sorry that your family went through worry but you are okay now and sharing the happy.

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    1. Sheena!! Cancer is such an awful disease. I'm so sorry to hear it has touched the lives of so many dear to you as well. I am thankful to be putting this episode behind me, and rejoicing in the grace of God that I was somehow, spared from it.

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  6. I thank God too!!! Love to hear you're cancer free. I've missed you and been keeping you in my prayers. :)

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    1. OH Elizabeth- thank you!! I felt those prayers. Somehow, through this whole ordeal, I had peace. And that, I know, is only through the power of prayers! As soon as we heard, my little foodie Faith went and made a celebration dinner/cake for the whole family. (Not that I could eat...lol...) but I know how happy and relieved everyone was and how important it was that they celebrate the good news. She will make someone a really good wife one day....just saying. Ha ha.

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  7. Jaybird, you have me crying, too! What sweet girls. I'm so glad you're going to be okay! I've been thinking of you! :)

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    1. Aw, don't cry. All is well. I am finally on the up swing!! This crazy girl just signed up for the A-Z Challenge. LOL I must be nuts. But I really want to get back on track with blogging and writing, and that's one of the best ways to get myself in the habit of blogging again.

      Seriously, if you want to send me anything, I'd be glad to look over it. I really want to get back to my old self again.

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  8. As I already said over in my space; I was so relieved when you comment popped up in my email this morning. I have been so worried about you. I came by here early Wednesday and when you hadn't posted anything, I was beside myself (I just knew you would post an IWSG post if you could). Unfortunately, I got distracted an didn't come back later in the day.

    Knowing your family history and some of your previously problems, I was afraid for the worst. I prayed for you quite a bit and now I see that those prayers were answered (seems God was really being troubled over you and I'm grateful). Please keep getting stronger and better.

    I'll try to send you an email this weekend. I do have something new and different that I want to send to you to see what you think. Take care.

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    1. Yes! I am really looking forward to getting what you've been working on. So happy to hear that you are back writing. And great big thank you for praying for me. I honestly felt the prayers. I had so much peace during all the craziness.

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  9. I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't been keeping up with any blogs, so I had no idea you had been going through so much....I'm sorry about that.

    It's very good to hear that you're now on the mend, though, and that things are looking up. We'll be keeping you and your family in our prayers and I'll be looking forward to you getting back to the wordslinging, very soon.

    Take care of yourself! =)

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    1. No worries, I've been MIA on the blog-o-sphere for quite a while now. Very happy to be getting back in the swing of things and writing again. Looking forward to spending my time doing what I love again, instead of what I dread doing- going to doctors.

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  10. What a scary thing to go through, for both you and your family! Thank goodness everything ended up being okay in the end!

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    1. HEATHER!! How are you? Miss seeing your comments and "talking" with you. Hope all is well with you. Thankfully, all is well. So happy ordeal is over.

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    2. Everything's been well here, thanks! I haven't been the greatest at commenting lately, but I still try my best to peek in when I can!

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  11. That was tough just imagining what your kids were going through...to watch their mommy be in pain and fear for her life. It's such a relief that you're doing better now. I hope you continue to move forward and leave February behind. SO HAPPY for you and yours, Jay!

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    1. Thanks so much Jay. My heart went out to my hubs and kids the most. I know how worried they were. I am so relieved we are done with this mess.

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  12. WOW. Powerful post. Thank you SO much for sharing...

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    1. Thanks Jolene!! I hoped I could encourage someone with me sharing my story.

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  13. What an immensely emotional post. I'm so glad you're cancer free and doing better. It especially tugged at my heart strings when you talked of your girls. I know that momma urge too. Hugs to you (gentle ones) and wishing you a marvelous March!

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    1. Hey Christine! Thanks so much. Yes, it is so hard to see my kids suffer and not be able to comfort them immediately. I think, as a family, we all grew closer and learned so much from this experience. I am so proud of my girls and how they conducted themselves.

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  14. That is amazing Jay. I had no idea you were going through so much. (some friend I am, right?) Besides praying for you, is there anything else I can do?

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    1. You are the best Mel. Thanks so much for the offer of prayers. I always say yes to prayer!! Honestly, I don't need anything else. God has so richly blessed me. Today (Wednesday the 12th) was the first day I felt good enough to start to do a little cleaning up in my house (by myself) It's been quite a long time and I actually looked forward to doing it again. I have a wonderful, close immediate family, and an amazing extended church family that have been doing so much for me, cooking, cleaning and helping out with the girls. Just incredible the amount of support I received from them all. :)

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  15. I'm just glad to hear you're free of that C-word. Even just the use of it.

    My wife had a tiny bit of cervical cancer a few years ago. They successfully removed it, and she's fine, but man, you tell people that word and instantly they act like you're dying. She even told me after the fact that being treated differently is worse than the ailment was itself.

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    1. I'm sorry Melanie (and you) both had to go through that. I do completely understand what she means. The "pity" looks thrown your way are so discouraging. I always like to speak life and encouragement, no matter what the circumstances. Even if it was cancer, hearing and entertaining negative thoughts/words about having it, is not the way I roll.

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  16. That is so awesome that it's gone--bye-bye cancer, hello good health :) Bravo on dealing with it so magnificently, too... Yes, family is often the harshest part of it (speaking from the other side; I lost my dad to cancer when I was 19), but kudos to you for being open about it and involving your daughters. It's hard on them, but it's harder to not know what's going on, when no one tells you anything, and the best you can do is imagine the worst.

    Visiting from A-to-Z and looking forward to your April posts :) Did you join The A-Z Theme Reveal on March 21? I hope so--would love to hear all about your theme.

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    1. Hi Guilie- Thanks so much for your comment and stopping by!! I'm sorry to hear about your father. My husband lost his to cancer at 17, and I see how hard that was on him as well. We both decided to be upfront and honest with our kids, because we both agreed getting blindsided by it, is much, much worse.

      I didn't know about the A-Z reveal. Thanks for linking to it. I think I will join in. Looking forward to completing the challenge. Fingers crossed I can finish it!!

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