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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, October 18, 2013

Commitment

Yesterday, The Husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. I can honestly say that I love and appreciate my husband so much more today than I did on that sunny October afternoon, seventeen years ago, when I pledged my heart to him. Now, you all know I tell it like it is. So, I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your butts telling you that every single one of those years were all sunshine, unicorns and rainbows, because that would be a big fat LIE. Marriage, at least to me, is like a roller coaster. It has many twists and turns and ups and downs. The real test is if you can stay in your seat, keep your hands to yourself and finish the ride. There were definitely times when I wanted to smack my husband upside the head for being so stinking obstinate. Then again, there were plenty of times he's wanted to shake the crazy right out of me. Bottom line, we made a commitment to each other.  And we intend on sticking it out.  Even when things get rough and life isn't easy, we plan on honoring that commitment.


This week, the Husband and I were heart broken to find out two of our very good friends have called it quits.  It just shocked and crushed us to find out that these particular couples were throwing in the towel. They don't want to fight for their marriages either. They won't even give counseling a go. We've spoken to each of them individually, but all parties involved seem to be completely done. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying here, neither of these couples had abusive or dysfunctional relationships; I would never condone anyone staying in the case of abuse. That's clearly not the issue here. Both sets of our friends are claiming to just no longer be compatible. :( Which is the saddest excuse to me. Crap, my husband and I have never been compatible! As a matter of fact, we've got to be two of the most incompatible people you'd ever want to meet. But somehow, we've made it through the tough times and made our marriage work.

Maybe I'm being naïve (I've been accused of it many times before) but I feel like our friends are taking the easy way out. It's easier to give up and walk away. It's harder to try and communicate our true feelings, admit our faults, selfish habits, and rude assumptions to one another. I am thoroughly convinced that in both of these cases, all parties involved will be extremely sorry for this quick decision to walk away, without even trying to work things out, later on in life. Whether or not these issues can be resolved, you can bet they will resurface again with a future partner if they are not at least addressed. I'm not a counselor. I won't pretend to have all the answers. But I will ask this, how about commitment? How about making a promise and giving your word that you would love someone in good times and bad, through sickness and health? There is a reason those words are included in most marriage ceremonies.

I'd really like to hear your opinions on this subject. What do you think about marriage? Are you seeing a trend of people giving up on marriage instead of trying to work things out?  Do you think it's better to walk  away if things aren't working out, or would you think twice before walking away?

17 comments:

  1. Congratulations on your anniversary! I totally agree with your view on marriage. It is hard work, and I think communication is the key, something I've learned after 27 years of marriage. In the hard times, walking away would be so much easier. It takes strength and commitment to stay and work through your issues.

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  2. Congratulations on seventeen years! On our roller coaster, keeping hands to oneself is not allowed. (But for different reasons!)
    That is really sad they are just giving up without a fight. I believe marriage is forever, and unless one does end up in an abusive relationship, it should remain forever.

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  3. I could have written this post. I agree with you entirely. I've been married 16 years and we've had (and are sure to have) pa-lenty of issues that many would say warrant a divorce, but yeah...those vows mean something to me and we're sticking it through too. And yes, the divorce rate alone proves there is a trend of giving up more than ever. Of course, like you, I think there are definitely circumstances that should end in a break-up, but I would think twice, thrice...a hundred times before walking away.

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  4. Happy anniversary! 17 years is great. We're crawling up to 13 and it's definitely been a roller coaster ride. What you're seeing in your friends I've been seeing more and more of as well. I wish people would continue to try harder to stand by the vows they made on their wedding day and make things work (unless abuse, of course). I'm glad your'e sticking it out!

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  5. So happy for you both! I agree that some people walk away too easily. Then there are those who should run, run, run! But they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I married my husband forever and I reaffirm that commitment everyday when I choose to love him again and again despite our differences.

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  6. I just watched this video and thought of your post. How timely. :)

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  7. I have been asked do I think of divorce. I ask back, "In an hour, a day, or longer?" Marriage is a marathon that takes both to run. How wonderful you have celebrated #17!

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  8. congrats, before you know it you'll reach the 20th

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  9. Congrats on your anniversary!!
    Yep, aside from abuse, etc., marriage should be forever. As for incompatibility, my husband and I have completely different personalities, but "viva la difference." We actually had someone bet how long our marriage would last--they gave us five years. We had our 25th anniversary this summer. :)

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  10. Wow, seventeen years is such a long time. Congrats to you and your husband! As for marriage, it's hard for me to form an opinion about this, since I never grew up in a household where that kind of thing existed...

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  11. First off, wow....congrats on 17 years...that's so awesome! Very sorry to hear about your friends splitting up.

    I've only been married for about three years (our anniversary is this November), but one thing I've learned....sometimes the hard way...is that it's -a lot- of work.

    And a lot of compromise. Sometimes, I have to bite my tongue when things don't go 'just my way', but we always talk about things and how we can avoid problems in the future.

    Best of luck and here's to another 17 for you and Mr. Bird :)

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  12. Congratulations! In this society, 17 years is just astounding. I guess I'm lucky that my parents are happily married (32 years and going strong). I think that helped mold my view of marriage into what it is today.

    I had a friend whose wife just wanted to call it quits one day. Hit him completely out of the blue. It was sad because he was totally willing to try and work it out and seek out counseling, etc... and she just wanted to throw in the towel. She refused to try. I just for the life of me can't understand that. As you said, it's not all sunshine and roses, but I do believe that my marriage is worth fighting for should things start to get crappy!

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  13. Congrats to the two of you!

    Yeah, I think marriage doesn't mean what it used to anymore. It's more of a like an exclusivity agreement (although plenty of people break that) but not necessarily viewed as a forever type thing. I think some people definitely need to split up, like my parents, when their relationship is completely toxic, but other than that, I think why did you bother getting married if you aren't even going to work on it? I have a friend who got married only three years ago, and she is not getting divorced. What was the point? But I guess it's easy to judge when I myself have never been married. I can't imagine just walking away, though.

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  14. First of all, Happy Anniversary! I hope you two had a great time!
    Luke and I have our ten year this winter. There have certainly been ups and downs, Lord knows we can drive each other crazy, but neither of us have thought about leaving ever. So, I can't really claim to understand where those people are coming from. But it is sad to see couple you care about falling apart. :(

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  15. My husband and I, like you (congratulations by the way), have been married for 17 years. It's been hard and wonderful and lovely and brutal. But that's what makes it good, knowing that he (and I) will always be there.

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  16. Marriage rules have definitely changed! It is sad to see couples break up, but I did run from my first marriage. Even though I married young, I thought I did a good job of hooking up with the right guy, and I think I did, but he changed...dramatically...and maybe I did too? Although his changing was more abusive in nature and I stayed as long as I could (16 years). Even though leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know it had to be done, and I'm glad I did it, I still mourn the fact that we couldn't make it work. Last night I dreamt about him yet again. How's that for my subconscious hounding me? I left him 12 years ago and have been re-married for 10 years. Protestant guilt? This man haunts me. I could write a book about it if the subject wasn't STILL so emotional for me.

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