So, here I am, rushing to get to the bank yesterday before it closes, when I realize I left the check I wanted to deposit, home on the kitchen counter. I have to turn around and go back, after I had driven almost all the way to the stupid bank.
I dash back into the house, grab the check and hurry back out the door. I run straight into a cob web. A huge cob web that gets tangled in my hair and laces itself across my face. Many of you know I am completely bat-shiz crazy and suffer from many phobias, but arachnophobia is at the very top of that list. I am convinced that there is a spider on me somewhere, and I am FREAKING OUT. But I can't fart around looking for an imaginary spider because the bank is going to close and I won't be able to deposit that check. Dang. I jump in my sweet WHIP, (a/k/a my mini-van) and take off.
The whole time I'm driving I'm still totally wigging, peeking up in my rear-view mirror, checking my reflection and running my fingers through my hair, trying to see if there is a spider (God forbid) on me. I can't shake that creepy-crawly feeling. I open all the windows in the vain hope that if there is a spider on me it will blow out with the breeze. (I know this is completely retarded but it makes me feel better.) I make a sharp left and my totally awesome Wolverine bobble-head I have had on my dashboard forever flies out the freaking window. I am driving on a super highway with a ton of lanes- there is no way I can go back and recover it. I am devastated, but what can I do? :(
Finally, we make it back to the bank. But we have to wait, because now, there is a line. I get into the drive up middle lane, which looks like it's the shortest but of course, it's not. We have to wait longer than anyone else. Twenty minutes later, it's our turn and I place the check and deposit slip in the plastic bank thingy and press the button. A fight breaks out in the back of the van, over something really important, like who's the best Mario Kart player or some such bull and it starts to get heated. I start yelling over the seat for the girls to settle down and knock it off because I have a headache and am all frazzled from this whole ordeal. They keep fighting and completely ignore me and I am getting pissed- all I want to do is get the heck home. I grab the stupid plastic container and take out my receipt. I place the thingy back in the cradle that holds it and start to drive away. Only I didn't really place it all the way back in because at the last second, I feel something run down my leg!! So I involuntarily push the gas pedal and start swatting at my leg and screaming and I run the stupid thing over!! I ran the plastic bank thing over- all you hear is this incredible CRUNCH. And then the van finally becomes silent. Every single car around me is staring and pointing and the people in the car behind me start honking their horn at me and are so pissed off, because they had to wait twenty minutes too and now they have no thingy to put their shit in and they are hollering at me! The fight between the girls is forgotten as they dissolve into giggles and total embarrassment. They duck down in their seats so no one can see them but don't stop laughing like crazy. I look over to the teller through the window and I realize she is laughing so hard she's crying. I put my arms up and am all, "Oops, my bad." What do I do? Do I go back inside? Do I dare to just drive away? She waves me on. I don't wait for her to change her mind- I smoke my mini-van tires and ride off like a bat-shiz crazy bitch from hell.
Ah, welcome to just a little slice of my wonderful life... Some days, it's just so incredibly fun being me.~Jaybird
- Jersey Shore, United States
- In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.