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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Still Crazy

Yep- everything is still crazy here. But I promised to keep everyone up-dated, so here is the latest news on what's been going down in the Bird's Nest. Still haven't heard a word from the GATE (gifted and talented program) my daughter interviewed for. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. Usually no news is good news. Not too sure about that, in this case. Every time I go to the bathroom, I make sure I bring the phone with me, just in case it rings. Oh, sorry, was that perhaps TMI? :)

Last night I attended my niece Caitlin's 8th grade graduation ceremony. I cried so hard I gave myself a migraine. I was very happy and bitterly sad to see her graduate. As with any milestone my nieces pass, without my sister being here, is just bittersweet. At one point in the ceremony, the Principal handed all of the graduates a flower to "hand their parents". My niece had this expression on her face when she handed the flower to her father, that just killed me. My brother-in-law leaned over and handed it to me. That did it. I was a mess. I'm still a mess. The loss of my sister is a raw pain that never goes away, a wound  that may be years old, but one that will always ache, fester and never close.

Thursday, I will be attending my daughter Faith's 6th grade graduation which holds it's own share of aches. How the hell did I become the mom of a  middle schooler? Hopefully, I won't forget the camera again, (like I did last night for Cait's graduation) and I will be able to post some pictures of the event.

Today is a Family Picnic and Yearbook Signing event at the girls school, which is always a fun time. Although it has presented me with a little dilemma. I always pack my girls their lunch. We are chubby, so I make sure that their lunches are very healthy and not chock full of calories and fluff. Despite my best efforts and the fact that my kids eat healthy food, we remain, chubbed.

I am not an ogre. I still allow my kids treats. There are special times we all eat ice cream, s'mores and birthday cake. But here's the problem. The girls asked if I would bring them McDonald's as a special treat, to the family picnic today. Ugh. That kind of rubs against the whole- eating healthy lunches we do all year long. And you would not believe how people perceive me and my kids. The stares we get when we do indulge in treats is  really hard for me to endure. I even had one ignorant woman laugh at my daughter when she picked up a cupcake and said to me "Don't you think that kid has had enough cupcakes already?"

Yeah. I've heard all of that, and worse. People seem to make allowances and accept drug addicts a whole lot kinder than fat kids. I know I shouldn't care what stupid people think or say, but I have to tell you it's becoming really hard for me to keep from punching some of these people in the head :)
What would you do? Bring your kids the treat or hold it back for another time and place, where they won't be ridiculed for eating it? I'd love to get someone else's perspective on the topic.

38 comments:

  1. People really say things like that? How rude.
    What's the healthiest thing you can buy at McDonald's?
    Propose that you let them splurge another time and see what your kids say. If they still want McDonald's, let them.

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  2. You'd be surprised Alex. People (especially women) say all of that and more! It is really hurtful, to my girls and me. I know what people think and it's just not true. Although my girls are not really athletic (like I posted about on Field Day) they eat healthy and participate in lots of calorie-burning activities (like swimming, hiking and bike riding). I make them play outside instead of sitting in front the TV/computer all day. Despite my best efforts, we are still chubby.

    I think I am going to try to bring them a healthy lunch and maybe get them some fries to share. IDK. Still thinking about it.

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  3. People are so judgmental. I have one really skinny son and one chubby son. Both are extremely athletic and they eat the same healthy meals. Go figure! I say take the cupcakes and let them celebrate.

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    1. Thanks Deb. It's hard for my girls to watch their friends eat like pigs and remain stickly. Meanwhile, we portion and count up our snacks- to no avail. I think some people are just genetically predispositioned to be chubbed.

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  4. Everyone's got a opinion, I feel so bad for women in general on the subject. They get criticized if they over-eat or under-eat and nobody have a universal standard for either.

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    1. You are so sweet and understanding Adam! Do you have sisters? I know my brother had three of us to deal with and it's left him with a softer, kinder heart towards women and their weight struggles. He's seen it all with us; the good, the bad and the ugly. LOL

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  5. I can't believe people say things like that. (I mean, I can, it's just, blech.) My best friend and I were just talking about this recently. It's so hard. On the one hand we're supposed to teach our girls a healthy body image, on the other hand everyone is freaking out about childhood obesity. If you're eating healthy most of the time, I wouldn't worry about it. Start teaching them to say 'screw you' (in their heads anyway) to those people right now. ;)

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    1. I don't understand why it's become such a crime to be chubby-it seems like everyone is on a crusade to persecute chubby kids lately! Honest to God, who should you be more worried about? My chubby kid breaking into your house at midnight or the tweaker next door?!! Why is it so hard for people to accept that some kids are just pudgy? Dang. It hurts me a lot and I need to get a tougher skin about it. But I am an adult and it's hard for me- they are just kids! How much harder is it for them to process!

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    2. And the thing with kids is that their bodies are still growing and changing, too. It's not uncommon for kids to go through chubby phases. If we tried to diet them out of it we would be doing them a disservice.

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  6. Woah! Are you telling me someone had the audacity to say that to you in front of your child? How rude! I commend you on remaining composed and taking the higher road. Good for you.

    I think I would stick to a healthy meal. Then McDonald's can be a family dinner or something. Only because I wouldn't want any potential rude remarks being made. I just don't understand how people think it's okay to cross that boundary with anyone, especially children.

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    1. Hey Els! Yep. She certainly did. I've heard that and worse. And it took every last ounce of strength in me that day to not take a swing at her. If my mom wasn't standing next to me and grabbed me, things would have ended very badly.

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  7. Punch them. Punch them all. Seriously, though, I think you're doing exactly what you need to...teaching your girls to eat healthy most of the time, and that it's okay to have a treat once in a while. Show them it doesn't matter what other people think or say. As long as you're doing what's right for you, who gives a crap about anyone else.

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    1. LOL! I love you. And oh my word I wanted to punch her in the head, so stinking bad. But I held it together (as much as I could) My mom happened to be standing right next to me, which is the only thing that saved that ignorant bitsy.

      We try so hard, to eat right, all the time. My girls watch all their friends who are twigs, eat like crazy and stay skinny. It's funny, when they sleep over their friend's houses, they come home saying, "They eat white bread and whole milk! It's like eating candy compared to what we eat mom!" White bread and whole milk is a big no-no for us. :)

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  8. If that were me I'd turn to her and say "Maybe you need one, or 5" and then turn around and act like she never existed. And I also second Ilima's idea. You raise your kids just fine Jay and don't worry about sharing your hurt, we're here to let you know that lady is an ass. Sorry about your sister and at least your niece still has her father and a great aunt in you. *Hugs*

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    1. Hi Sheena! It was really hard to remain classy that day, I can tell you. Like I said above, my mom was there and she is a very peaceful, calm lady who talked me down. I had to tap into every ounce of my Christianity to walk away. But it was hard. And I had to pray hard for God to put forgiveness in my heart for that lady. Cause my nature wanted to pound her into the pavement.

      My nieces are so amazing and I am so proud of them. My brother-in-law is awesome and is doing a great job with the girls. We are blessed to have him in our lives.

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  9. OMGosh. I love you. Hugs. My brother died seven years ago and I have the same crack in my heart at every milestone. He loved his kids like crazy and I know he would have loved to have seen what beautiful people they have turned into. It's so unfair. And of course, he was my brother and I loved him and no matter how many years pass, I just miss him. And I have chubby kids too! And I feel that too. Fortunately, I have boys. I think it's a little easier for boys to be stocky. We eat healthy too...for the most part. My kids have. grown up on skim milk and whole wheat bread; pop is banned; and junk food is a treat. My one son has battled his weight forever and even complained that all his friends eat out all the time and they are skinny, why is he different? Then a coach (God bless him) told him you don't often get strength from being skinny and fast...he's just built for power. That totally changed his focus. He longer tried to be "thin" but switched to weight lifting and cardio. I think by taking the focus off the food and putting it on positive changes has helped immensely. He's still husky, but he eats his fruits and vegies and limits his junk, not out of fear or being fat, but in an effort to be healthy.

    Rant over. I shall go now. Take tissues and the camera to graduation. :)

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    1. Aw, Elizabeth! I'm so sorry about your brother. It is a hurt that just doesn't heal. Every time they make leaps it still stings. But they are beautiful my nieces, inside and out, and bring me so much joy.

      Weight is such a struggle; for boys and girls. It doesn't help that stupid people think they know what's up. Like we sit around all day, on our butts, eating Pizza Hut cheesy bread every night. My poor girls have friends that are all sticks! And they eat like crazy! Sometimes two or three portions more than I allow my girls. It's so frustrating. My girls do fun stuff for exercise too, like bike and hike and swim. But here we are, still chubbed. I just wish people would show a bit more tolerance. They have no idea what our struggles are. On an related note, we find it kind of funny, that my poor cat gets a ton of exercise and only eats diet food, but she is still fat too!! When she runs, her belly swings back and forth and it makes my girls laugh. They can relate to her. She is definitely one of us :)

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  10. Whew, lots going on. I can't even fathom people as rude as that. You and your family are awesome!

    Sarah Allen
    (From Sarah, With Joy)

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    1. Hi Sarah! Thanks so much. And yeah, unfortunately, rude people and their comments are plentiful when it comes to chubby kids. Not sure how it's become everyone else's business, but here we are.

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  11. I hate this type of carp. I'm with Ilima - punch them all, and do it twice. Some people are so ignorant. I want to tell that woman who made the cupcake remark something about her need for remedial emotional training. Don't they get it, these are CHILDREN. It's my personal opinion that we've tossed education into the cesspool with the 'I'm OK, You're OK' method of teaching/grading/learning where everybody is dumbed down to the same level, but the general populace has no patience for children who might look different in any way, shape or form. Well, I have no patience for THAT general populace. Oh man, this makes my blood boil. the Kindest thing I can say it PUNCH EM, H*A*R*D!!!

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    1. Oh man Barb, my flesh was screaming to punch her in the head! But my mom was there and took a hold of my hand and help bring me peace. I saw RED. I took me a long, long time and a lot of time in prayer to be able to forgive that woman for her stupid comment. If my mom wasn't there, things would have taken a turn for the worst, for sure.

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  12. First, hugs and kisses to you, Jaybird. I pray the ache in your heart becomes more bearable.

    Second, I want to punch that lady for you! I know the type, I've got a mental picture of the bitty in my head. The older I get, the less inclined I am to put up with that kind of crap. Say what you want about me, but don't you dare talk about my baby. I think I'd just reverse the situation, make those kind of people feel like the @$$es they are--probably tell them what a perfect ray of sunshine they are for picking on a kid, then remind them what The Bible says about children and the angels that report back to God at the end of each day, concerning the offenses committed against them.

    Whew, I could go on and on, but I'll stop before my panties get wadded up, lol. And, I've seen the pics of your kiddos and they're beautiful. God bless those sweet angels. :)

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    1. Thanks Celeste. And oh man am I like that too with the girls. I can take any insult in stride when it's thrown at me, but not my kids. That just pushes me beyond my control. Like I said above, if my mom wasn't there, I am sure things would have gone down in a much uglier way. But she held my hand and prayed with me so I could get calm. It took a much, much longer time to calm down than this Sunday School teacher would like to admit...but we were dealing with my kids here. I did respond by saying through clenched teeth, "That's my daughter and your comment was extremely rude and inappropriate." She pretty much ran from the building.

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  13. *hugs* Sorry I'm probably a bit late to help with your lunch dilemma. I think you should do whatever you want! Screw the people who make judgements - it's their issue, not yours. And as for a grown woman making a remark like that to a child - that is just wrong. As long as you know you are doing right by your kids, who cares what everyone else thinks? And I second what Celeste said - your kids are beautiful.

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    1. Hey Kyra! Thanks so much. I brought them the McDonalds. Just a few items, and they had to share it between them. But that made them happy. And they were able to enjoy it, comment and stare-free. That made me happy. But I am always really tentative just because of the trouble we've endured in the past. Thankfully, all went well and it was a beautiful day for a picnic.

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  14. There are some really rude people out there. We're used to my stepson getting stared at just because he's in a wheelchair, usually by kids who OK might not know any better, but it's when the parents don't do anything about it that I get mad... It sounds like you're doing an excellent job raising your kids and you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks! It's not like they're obese. There's nothing wrong with treats for a special occasion.

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    1. Oh my gosh Nick I can only imagine! God bless your stepson. With little kids, I understand their curiosity but adults? I have been confined to a wheelchair a couple of times (albeit temporary) because of my health and I swear some people stare a hole in you! My husband had to push me around and it was making him so upset. WHY do people think it's OK to stare at you just because you are in a wheelchair? It's so unnerving.

      I brought them the McDonald's and it worked out well. They each had a hamburger, but shared a large fry and I also got them a yogurt parfait with fruit; I thought that was a nice compromise.

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  15. I don't think I'd handle it well if someone said that to my future kid. My wife's in the same boat - she's curvy, but not fat, and eats really healthy. And people are always surprised at how fast and how athletic she is. Some people just have slower metabolisms than others. It doesn't mean she's some out of shape slug just because she's not a rail thin stick.

    I think what I hate most is when I see a skinny person who eats nothing but McDonald's. My ex-sister in law was like that (and she smoked like a train too), and I just thought, you know, you look okay on the outside, but I bet on the inside your body just looks like absolute garbage. And I also bet that outside isn't gonna hold up much longer if you keep treating yourself like that.

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    1. I know lots of people like that, rail thin that smoke like crazy and eat nothing but crap. It will, no doubt, catch up to them one day.

      No matter what, whether we stay fat or one day slim down, I know I am doing the right thing by watching what they eat and having my girls get exercise. I hope *fingers crossed* I have given them a good foundation to know what choices are beneficial to their bodies and what is not going to pay off in the future. And I don't believe (like some parents I know) in not allowing them ANY treats. They are still kids for cripes sake. I think any diet that's super strict and has huge restrictions, is bound to fail. I'd rather they still have some things, just in moderation.


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  16. The pain of losing someone we love never really leaves us, but your lovely niece must be a comfort to you as I'm sure you are to her.

    You had some great comments here and I agree, everyone deserves an occasional treat. Glad you had a fun time.

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    1. Thanks so much Suzanne! I appreciate that.

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  17. Ugh, I hate it when people are so needlessly cruel like that! I wish I could be surprised by this, but I've witnessed similar rudeness enough to know this kind of thing is "normal," unfortunately. Can't imagine how much it must sting to see your own kids get treated that way!

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    1. Hi Heath! Ugh, it really hurts. I try so hard but man oh man can some people be cruel. Usually, it's the parents that say the stupid stuff, not other kids!

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  18. I am not surprised at how cruel and mean people can get. I have experienced it myself for centuries. I know how helpless sometimes one feels at people's ignorance and stupidity because they simply don't understand that appearances are deceiving. My recommendation to you is to let them have this special day what makes them happy and tell them to ignore what people could say or think. My reasoning is that it is extremely unfair one has to hide to do something that give us joy just because of fear of "What they'll say". It can really become a trauma in the long term and develop a need to hide. My two cents.
    Dragon hugs to you!

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  19. Wow, I don't know how you didn't punch that woman. I hate unsolicited advice of any kind, but especially about my kids. It's none of their damn business.

    If it were me, I would bring them the treat if they haven't indulged in one for a while, and if anyone says anything I'd call them out on it. Weight shaming is not acceptable, especially not when it's directed at children.

    I'm sorry about your sister, I can't imagine how much that still hurts. *hugs * The fact that you still love so openly, and are there for your niece, really shows what a strong and wonderful woman you are.

    Good luck at your daughter's graduation, and for your daughter getting into the gifted and talented program; I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for y'all.

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  20. It always amazes me that people think they have the right to comment to other people's faces on how they choose to live. I hope you can think of a polite way to tell people to mind their own business. We all struggle enough with our problems and don't need additional criticism.
    I am sorry that you have had to experience the loss of your beloved sister.
    I hope you have a more peaceful week.

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  21. So sorry for your loss. Graduations and other milestones can be difficult for that reason.

    And people are incredibly judgmental. I just wish people would mind their own biznass!

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  22. Wow, I thought I had commented on this....I apologize for being so late!

    Anywho, it's sad that people have to be so judgmental and dissatisfied with their own life that they feel the need to put their 'two cents' into other's lives.

    While head punching might be a lot more satisfying, it's probably just best to consider the source and move on...as tough as it may be, at times.

    Have a great week!

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