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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Insecure Writer's Support Group, Potential!



In the blink of an eye, another month has passed and it's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, once again. If you'd like to sign up or learn more about it, please see Alex J. Cavanaugh a/k/a the Ninja Captain's blog for more info.

This month, I am happy to say, has brought forth many positive changes in my writing (and personal) life. I've realized something vitally important: I don't suck. Instead, I'm choosing to believe and tell myself I have potential!
 
Characters have always whispered in my ears, begging me to record their stories. And ever since I was a little girl, I have found fulfillment and joy in telling fanciful tales. But somewhere along the way, I allowed self-doubt and a couple of discouraging comments to cloud my head with fear and insecurity.  Being laughed at and told that writing was "just a hobby" and certainly not worth expending so much of my time and energy on, hurt. It crushed my spirit. Because I want to write. I need to write. Telling stories is a part of me, it's what I love to do.
 
I take full responsibility here, I realize that the fault lies within me. Because  I allowed those ugly words to reach deep inside me and take root. Those seeds of doubt grew and before I knew it, I was convinced that I suck. I stopped writing all together and put my WIP on time out. And I was miserable. Taking that little break and stepping away from writing was just what I needed to clear my head and realize that I allowed a lie to defeat me. 
 
I've been down this road before, in my personal life. I let a lot of people walk all over me, abuse me, push my head down until I could hardly pick it back up. Even though I found the strength to remove myself from those situations, the whispers of unworthiness followed me. Old habits die hard. It took me a little while, but once I realized I was doing it again, allowing other people's words and actions to steal my joy, I stopped it.  
 
Did I wake up this morning, thinking I'm the next Tolstoy, Hemingway or Twain? Heck no. I am under no delusions of  my greatness...Nope. But I did wake up and tell myself, "You have loads of potential girl!" 
 
I'm choosing to build myself up and block out the ugly words, dwelling only on the positive. With some hard work and determination, I know I can become a good writer.  I can feel it, deep down inside. Just like with my stomach, somewhere underneath the chubs, there is a serious six-pack, just waiting to be unleashed. And one day, this girl is going to bring it!
 

57 comments:

  1. Yes! Love that attitude and I have no doubt you'll be showing off your literary six pack one day.

    Not to sound too cliche', but the power does come from us. Harnessing it, is the trick.

    Keep 'em flying, Mrs. Bird :)

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    1. Mark- it might take me a while to get there, but I'm in no rush to throw on a bikini either, LOL. One day, in my future though, it will happen.

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  2. You do have potential! Just maintain that attitude. At least you know when to walk away from the negative and talk yourself back up.

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    1. Thanks Alex! I appreciate that. I am really working on it.

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  3. Fantastic way to think! As Thomas Edison is reputed to have said on his 10,000 "failures" of producing a light bulb. He remarked, "They weren't failures. I learned 10,000 ways of how not to make a bulb."

    Keep on smiling and eating lots of chocolate! heh heh

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    1. Hi IB!! Thanks so much for the follow and the positive comments. I love your quote about Edison. I will definitely keep that in my mind!

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  4. Yes, this! Great post. I've felt the same way so many times. We can keep getting better. Can can say we are writers, this isn't just some little hobby. I feel the strength of that writing six pack as I read your post. Write on!

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    1. Aw, thanks Robin! I appreciate your comment, and you, so much! Your words and support are always so kind.

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  5. Believing in yourself is the most valuable asset you have in writing (and life... but let's keep this simple :). So many times it's all you'll have to fall back on. This is not a business to get into if you need constant, outside affirmation of your worth and skill. If you do, reader reviews, agent rejections, etc. will absolutely shred you. And that doesn't even mention the months of silence you go through when you're just writing.

    Put the time into learning your craft, continue to work on your writing even when you think it's 'good enough', and never give up. That's all that really matters.

    It's thrilling that you've reached a point where you feel empowered, Jay, now go put it to work for you! :D

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    1. EJ- You are SO right. This business is rough. I am working on developing that tough skin. I don't come by it organically, it is definitely something I must develop and work on. But I will get tough! I made a promise to myself to do this.

      Thank you ever so much for always leaving me such encouraging comments! I really appreciate it.

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  6. I needed this post badly. So beautiful. You don't suck! And you can be a great writer. And I'm with you on the miserable thing...when I don't write for a while I get super cranky--I just have to write. I'm a storyteller. Go Jaybird!

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    1. Hey girl- yes, you and are as so alike it's frightening. But it's also comforting to know I am not alone in this type of thought process- As my family always says, "You tell the story mom, you tell it the best" That, speaks volumes to me. It tells me I am not wrong about my ability to weave together a tale. Whether it be on a page, or by my big mouth. :)

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  7. POTENTIAL - I love that word. This is a great encouraging post. I needed to hear that. You go girl!

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    1. Hey You!! I was wondering how it's going in your neck of the woods. Have you had a chance to write any more, or have you been too busy? Things are NUTS over here. But whenever you give me the green light, I am going to send you some more stuff.

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  8. Rock on girl! You definitely have potential and then some! Keep the good vibes flowing.

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    1. DANI!! Thank you. I think everyone has the potential inside them to do something great. We just need to work hard and tap into it. Here's hoping I can tap into that talent well and come up swinging!

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  9. I'm so proud of you! Such an inspiring post. I love your passion--it totally translated through the page and reached me. Thank you. <3

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    1. Thanks Morgan! I am glad I was able to reach you through my words in this post. That means I must be on the right path here- here's hoping I can bring it!

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  10. I think sometimes people intentionally step on dreams for fun. They don't know how to dream and they are envious of those of us who do. :)

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    1. You are so wise, Elizabeth. I totally agree with you. :)

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    2. Elizabeth- (and Rach) Yes! There are always haters. I seem to encounter my fair share of them. Not sure why some people want to bring others down, I make it my mission in life to bring others up, as much as I possibly can!

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  11. I can't wait to read what your literary six-pack produces!

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    1. Hi Johanna! My desire to work this three kid bearing stomach into a six-pack may be far fetched, (without plastic surgery) but it is something, like my writing, that I promised myself I'd do. And I will be damned if I don't try my best to do it!!

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  12. Bring it, Jaybird!!!! Boom!!!!! :)

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    1. Thanks Celeste. I am going to try my best!!

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  13. I can really identify with this! I put my writing last when it comes to the family and I think this makes them take it less seriously. It's my own fault!

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    1. Hi Linda- yeah, when we make it last on the priority list it tends to make others think that we are not serious. I am determined to make everyone around me realize this is not a game or something I like to "play" at. I am going to be taken seriously, at wanting to become a writer.

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  14. Even if you let those words get to you in the past, at least you're pushing past them now. We'll all show those people who think writing is 'just a hobby' that it's so much more than that :)

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    1. Hey Laura! Isn't that so insulting? I hate when people say writing is just a hobby! It makes me so mad. And more determined than ever to prove them wrong.

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  15. You have tons of potential! Tons of talent you've already tapped into. :) Glad to hear you're realizing it! :)

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    1. Thanks Rach! I don't know if you realize this, but you are one of the people who were instrumental in helping me see that I do have potential! So big hugs and a huge THANK YOU for that! xo

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  16. Don't let other people's words define you. YOU, and ONLY you, define who you are and your potential. Rock on girl!!!

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    1. I am trying my best to not allow stupid people define who I am as a writer and in life. Owning my potential and working hard is the way I am going to combat this. I'm a work in progress, but at least I am working on it!

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  17. best of luck with your writing

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    1. Aw, thanks Adam! I appreciate that.

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  18. Great attitude, you have tonnes of potential. Go girl!

    Suzanne
    IWSG co-host

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    1. Hey Suzanne!! Thanks for co-hosting this month. Can't think of a better co-host- you are always so supportive and positive. And thanks, once again, for the encouragement.

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  19. Great post! My writing journey's been about fighting the voice in my head that tells me I suck, so I can definitely identify with this! Don't let other people put you down - focus on what YOU want to do, and what makes YOU happy! Focusing on the positive is the way to go! :)

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    1. Hi Emma! Ugh, I hate that stupid voice! Why doesn't it just shut up already !?! If I have to keep repeating it over and over to myself, "You don't suck, you don't suck" like some sort of crazy mantra, until I believe it, I will. I don't want to believe that. And neither should you!

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  20. The whole process of writing and publishing a book can cause us to doubt ourselves. You have a great attitude! And great potential, all you have to do is make it happen!

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    1. Hey Cherie- thanks so much. Writing a book and publishing is so much harder than non-writers think! They are ignorant and just don't understand how much goes into the process, only other authors understand our point of view- I realize this and shouldn't let off-hand dumb comments get to me. But I at least realize I was doing it, and I am not going to do it anymore!!

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  21. Not sucking is good. No reinventing the wheel or being a prodigy required. Nice post.

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    1. MJ! So good to hear from you. Yep-no reinventing the wheel required here, just owning who I am and not letting anyone else take away from what my dreams are! Thanks so much for commenting.

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  22. I know about ugly words, my own mother said my writing wouldn't make enough money to buy mints. Never give up and I'm happy that you're harnessing your potential and throwing those ugly words aside. Congrats and keep going Jay.

    Blog: Queendsheena
    IWSG Co-host

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    1. Sheena! Noooo- she didn't say that! Ouchy. That hurts. And not like any writer gets into this business for the money anyhow, LOL. But that's how non-writers view things. To us, it means so much more. Thanks so much for co-hosting!! You make a wonderful co-host.

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  23. Yeah this is the struggle. I think writers and artist in general tend to puit more worth in the negative feedback than the positive. Constructive criticism is good, but the key word it constructive. What I have come to learn is that I need the people willing to help me climb not the ones trying to push me back down. Good luck with your writing.

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    1. Hey Brandon- how are you doing? In my life it was hard for me to see who had my best interest at heart, and who was wanting to push me down. I think *fingers crossed* I finally figured it out!!

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  24. It's hard not to get down in the writing world. Rejections, self doubt, unsupportive people. People that don't understand it. We have a lot of obstacles but ultimately no one can stop us from writing but ourselves. You definitely have a ton of potential, and I hope you use it to its fullest!

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    1. Thank you so much B! That means a real lot to me. I am doing my best to weed out the people who are toxic in my life. But my personality and willingness to befriend just about everyone I meet, lends me to some serious hurt sometimes. I am trying to change that, without changing me. (If that makes any type of sense.)

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  25. Jen, I think it's great you've taken on this new philosophy, and have such a positive outlook on life. I think we've all let negative comments worm their way into our heads at one time or another; I know I certainly have. What takes real strength is realising the negative comment was a lie, and bouncing back from it; proving to those who doubted you that they were wrong.

    I haven't had the pleasure of reading much of your fiction -p.s if you're ever looking for another CP or beta, I'd love to lend a hand - but from the way you write about your personal home and family life, I'd say you have more that just potential! I love your Friday: Fact or Fiction posts, they're always hilarious. You've got such a way with words, and really pull me into that moment in your life that you're describing.

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    1. Uh, that's a big fat YES! I'd love to have you as a CP or Beta or both! I can always use help and a point in the right direction. Just having the support of other writers has helped me SO much. I thank you for the compliment on my writing style. I tend to tell and say things without a whole lot of censorship and a whole lot of detail. (Which may not be everyone's cup of tea!) LOL e-mail me anytime Clare, fvfbfn@verizon.net and I'd be glad to share with you!

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  26. Yay self love! We all need it so, so deperately. I'm very much like you- my own worst enemy and I have to contastntly to fight to keep that brutally evil inner critic of mine at bay. The support and encouragement of other writers I meet through avenues such as this one has become my biggest boost of ego and therfore biggest boost to my own defense systems. Don't listen to the nagging voice- it's full of crap! Just write, forget the rest.

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    1. Hi Bev- thanks! This is so much easier said than done though, right? It's hard to keep up that good inner dialogue sometimes, but SO necessary. I don't want to allow other people to be able to cheapen or take away my dreams!

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  27. Awesome attitude! You have potential! And you are bringing it! Keep believing in yourself!

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    1. Thanks T!!! I will take all the positive affirmation I can get. And work on weeding out all of the negative- that's the hard part. :)

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  28. It's tough, but the persistence will see us through. For me the hardest thing to get past is the stigma of writing being a hobby. It's far more than a hobby...more than a job and a career...it's my life! And I want to do it until the day I die. Amen. Thank you for the pick-me-up! :)

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  29. Very glad to hear that you finally brushed off the discouragement and resumed writing. We writers should well know the power of words, the positive and the negative ones alike.

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