In the blink of an eye, another month has passed and it's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, once again. If you'd like to sign up or learn more about it, please see Alex J. Cavanaugh a/k/a the Ninja Captain's blog for more info.
This month, I am happy to say, has brought forth many positive changes in my writing (and personal) life. I've realized something vitally important: I don't suck. Instead, I'm choosing to believe and tell myself I have potential!
Characters have always whispered in my ears, begging me to record their stories. And ever since I was a little girl, I have found fulfillment and joy in telling fanciful tales. But somewhere along the way, I allowed self-doubt and a couple of discouraging comments to cloud my head with fear and insecurity. Being laughed at and told that writing was "just a hobby" and certainly not worth expending so much of my time and energy on, hurt. It crushed my spirit. Because I want to write. I need to write. Telling stories is a part of me, it's what I love to do.
I take full responsibility here, I realize that the fault lies within me. Because I allowed those ugly words to reach deep inside me and take root. Those seeds of doubt grew and before I knew it, I was convinced that I suck. I stopped writing all together and put my WIP on time out. And I was miserable. Taking that little break and stepping away from writing was just what I needed to clear my head and realize that I allowed a lie to defeat me.
I've been down this road before, in my personal life. I let a lot of people walk all over me, abuse me, push my head down until I could hardly pick it back up. Even though I found the strength to remove myself from those situations, the whispers of unworthiness followed me. Old habits die hard. It took me a little while, but once I realized I was doing it again, allowing other people's words and actions to steal my joy, I stopped it.
Did I wake up this morning, thinking I'm the next Tolstoy, Hemingway or Twain? Heck no. I am under no delusions of my greatness...Nope. But I did wake up and tell myself, "You have loads of potential girl!"
I'm choosing to build myself up and block out the ugly words, dwelling only on the positive. With some hard work and determination, I know I can become a good writer. I can feel it, deep down inside. Just like with my stomach, somewhere underneath the chubs, there is a serious six-pack, just waiting to be unleashed. And one day, this girl is going to bring it!