About Me

My photo
Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

Total Pageviews

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

B is for Bras and Brave Bloggers

B is for Brave Bloggers. Cause anyone who came back here after yesterday's grand introduction to the Bird's Nest is really, really brave.  But B is also going to have to be for Bras-because this morning I found myself in an all too familiar situation: having to deal with the death of  one of my favorite bras.  I posted about this before- so I decided to recycle the post where I recounted what happened the last time I found myself in this dire situation. Ah, Day Two of the A-Z challenge and I'm already recycling posts. Deciding not to choose a theme is going splendidly for me so far,  don't you think? LOL (If you've already read this post, I apologize. And if you are about to read this post for the first time, I'm just going to go ahead and apologize to you too... 

The Day My Bra Died and Other Random Things That Happened Yesterday


Yesterday, I was out in a store with my oldest daughter when I suddenly had a hot flash grew warm, so I took off my coat. My daughter's face fell when she looked at me.

"Uh, Mom, did you forget to put on a bra?"

"No! I always wear a bra, because I don't like tripping over my boobs, you know that."

"Well, it doesn't look like you're wearing one."

I quickly stepped up to one of those mirror-type columns that seem to frequent all department stores to check my reflection. Sure enough, my boobs were in their favorite bra-less go-to position: downward facing dog. What the h? I know I put on my favorite bra this morning! I'm sure I did. At least, I think I did.

I am, however, in a very forgetful stage right now, because of some medical issues, so anything is possible. But I could feel the bra straps through my shirt and it confirmed that, yep, it was definitely still ON. So, what was happening? My favorite bra had died.


My favorite bra was dead! And she had a very specific medical directive. She requested a DNR. (Do Not Resuscitate) Cause she knows me so well. I would have done anything to save her. Poor thing. The real "miracle" is that bra lasted as long as she did, considering the sizable burdens she had to carry around all day. I'm really going to miss her, cause they just don't make them like they used to. Literally. They don't make them anymore. And obviously, I am in dire need of a replacement.

Since my oldest and I were in a department store, I decided to try to find a replacement, immediately. It's amazing how quickly someone you relied on for years can be replaced. I found a couple of newer, younger models but just like trophy wives they will be exciting for their possibilities but in actuality they will quickly loose their novelty and wind up being a huge disappointment, compared to the original.

Besides the hard stares from people who believe I intentionally left my house, au natural, here's what else happens when Jaybird goes to check-out in a crowded department store:

I placed my newer, sportier and sure to disappoint me versions of my fav bra on top of the counter, as well as a few more items my daughter wanted. But some of the items started to fall. So naturally I bent over to pick them up. It was at this opportune moment, my cell phone started to ring. Only my middle daughter (who is a techie-whiz and loves to jack with electronics b/c she thinks it's hilarious) had replaced my ring tone with one that FARTS. And, of course, she had turned the volume up LOUD.


I thought my oldest was going to faint. But it gets BETTER. Of course, it's The Husband on the phone and he's at work (if he's calling from work, something is probably wrong). He's yelling something at me. But it's hard to hear in the store and he's breaking up. I did catch this much: he's pissed at me because somehow Jaybird packed one of my LUNA bars, which are protein bars for WOMEN, instead of his, into his bag for work.


If any of you knows anything about COPS, they tease the crap out of each other for fun. And apparently, The Husband eating protein bars made especially for women, was freaking hilarious. (which I kinda have to agree) But I can't deal with him right now because I'm still on line and my shit is falling on the floor and everyone around me already hates me because of my ring tone and I'm going so slow and talking on the phone....I am trying to wrestle my wallet out of my purse with one hand because I'm holding my cell in the other, when it pops out, along with three or four MAXI PADS as they fly up in the air in a giant arc, and fall like they are in slow motion, all over the floor and onto my ten year old daughter's feet. I look at her and I can't tell if she's going to piss her pants laughing or she's going to start to cry!! She just looks at me  and it's one of THOSE looks. Full of just so much resignation that, yes, this really is my MOM and she mutters just one word, but it sums this entire train wreck of a shopping trip/day with me, all up:

"Brilliant."

40 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Rebecca. I sure am going to miss her.

      Delete
  2. Hahahahahahahaha.... I'm not laughing, honest.... I'm empathising... Yes, that's what I'm doing... hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Annalisa- please, laugh away! I did too-but not until much, much later in the day when my daughter recounted her entire tale of woe to The Husband. Then, I couldn't stop laughing. It was hilarous :)

      Delete
  3. Glad you decided to recycle because I'm LMAO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, thanks! Glad I could make you laugh.

      Delete
  4. OMG, OMG... I'm about ready to piss my pants! That is the funniest shit I've read all morning and probably all day! That is soooo my life. I am so happy I you posted this!
    Dani @ Entertaining Interests
    #warriorminion

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Welcome to a day in the life of Jaybird. I'd like to say this was an isolated incident, but that would just be a big fat lie. At least I could give you a good laugh today!

      Delete
  5. You had me laughing so hard! I don't usually laugh at others' misfortunes but your way to tell them is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh and for being a sweetheart! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're very welcome. I am laughing right along with you. If I didn't laugh at myself, I would have to cry. And there's no fun in that!

      Delete
  6. I remember this story. It's a Jaybird classic. And just as funny the second time around, lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Ilima- happy to hear you enjoyed it, again.

      Delete
  7. LOL! this entry is brilliant-it'll be bringing back all those brave readers from yesterday for the whole month (and more). I had to retire my fav. nursing bra last week (they're dang expensive) and the baby is 17 months. I'm hanging in a dilemma, to purchase, or not to purchase, that is the question.

    I can't wait for tomorrow:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Robin, I have to say a good nursing bra is even harder to find! I only found two that I could tolerate. I'm always left hanging...lol.

      Delete
  8. Ha! Spectacular! The next time I'm having a crappy day and need cheering up, I'm so coming back to this post. And be warned, if I ever get into an emergency funk, I'm hopping a plan to Jersey and forcing you to go on a shopping spree with me! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Celeste! Thanks. And anytime you want to go shopping with a train wreck like me, you're on :)

      Delete
  9. LOL....sounds like a scene from a sit-com..I love it! One thing I can say is that you let it all hang out...

    ..on the blog, I meant...on the blog! -ahem- :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, welcome to my life. A sitcom in the making. I always wanted to write one. The Husband and I have been told, we would make a great reality show. LOL

      And yeah, I usually let it all hang out. Some days it's just not on purpose. LOL

      Delete
  10. That was great, after seeing all the trouble my wife goes through with her bras I can at least somewhat empathize. Awesome post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. T/Y Brandon. You are a good man- finding the righ bra is a very trying ordeal. Being "supportive" to your wife is key, lol.

      Delete
  11. Love this story. I'm so sorry, but I'm just glad I'm not alone in the world. Now, I'm off to change my husbands cell phone ring tone to farts, just for fun. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Danielle, you are not alone, and you can rely on me. My friends, whenever they get down, like to call me so I can cheer them up with my tales. They always feel much better when I'm done. And I'm always glad to help.

      Delete
  12. May your bra rest in peace. Signing up to follow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to the Bird's Nest. Thanks so much for the follow!

      I will definitely miss that bra. Still haven't found a nice replacement. Sigh.

      Delete
  13. Hot flash in a dept. store, saggy boobs, embarrassed daughter--yup, I am with you all the way. Just over from the A to Z thing, and your blog title caught me. So glad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan! I'm so glad to *meet* you. Thanks so much for stopping in. Ah, the things we women have to deal with on the day to day. It's nice to hear another woman can relate!

      Delete
  14. Oh my goodness, this has to be my favorite post for B! Hilarious! May your favorite lady boulder holder RIP. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Krista- thanks a bunch. I'm definitely going to miss that bra...and probably not go back to that particular store, um, ever. LOL

      Delete
  15. Even the post's title got a giggle out of me. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jeff! And may I just say, you are a brave man! Glad you could get a giggle out of my brand of humor.

      Delete
  16. Oh my gosh, that was so completely hysterical!! Faith's one word line was the cherry on the yummy sundae :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish you could have seen Faith's face- it was priceless. I wish I had the camera footage from that day, it would make me a million dollars on you-tube for sure! LOL

      Delete
  17. ROFLMAO!!!!!! That's awesome!! Thank you for making me laugh.
    I love your theme! I'll be back for more!
    Connie #133
    A to Z Challenge.
    Peanut Butter and Whine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Connie! Thanks so much for stopping in. I'm so happy I could make you laugh and smile today. Come on back and visit again soon!

      Delete
  18. Wow, that's just awful. LOL of course but awful. A moment of silence for the bra.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheena! It was awful but funny as heck. If I can't laugh at my ridiculous self, who can, right? And I'll take that moment of silence for my bra. I still miss her...

      Delete
  19. Brilliant is certainly the right word for this post. This is why I love you, and always enjoy reading your blog. I'm sure we've all had a day like that, where you just want the world to swallow us whole. Some women are too self concious to admit it though, and will be like "Yeah, everything was fine. My bra broke, but I bought a beautiful new one." Not you. I love your honesty and candour, and the way you can look back and laugh at life. It's truly a great gift to have! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my word there is no way I could stiffle a story like this. It's just too classic. And probably why I don't do well with people on Facebook. I always tell the truth! LOL.

      Seriously Clare- thank you for always cheering me up and having my back. Even through all the craziness. I really appreciate it, and you! xo

      Delete
  20. I'm with Clare. Your post is brilliant! Had me laughing out loud like an insane person. :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Misha- Thanks so much. It's great to know I could put a smile on your face and make you laugh today. That, makes me ridiculously happy! :)

      Delete