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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, January 25, 2013

Birthdays, NDE's and Baby Mommas

On Wednesday, Jan. 23rd, my youngest turned nine. Nine years ago, January 23rd had a very different kind of ending for me than it did this year. But I'll circle back to that in a minute...

Birthday girl having a splash-tastic time.
My daughter Frankie had been begging us to throw her a birthday party at a place called "Sahara Sam's". It's an indoor water park. Having a January birthday has always left her a bit envious of her two sisters and their summer birthdays, where pool parties are a viable option. To say putting a bathing suit on my uber-white, unwaxed, hibernating, fat- storing winter body in 6 degree weather, is not my idea of fun, is a monumental understatement. But this wasn't about me. It was about  my kid, And, well, I am willing to do just about anything for my kids. So off we went...
Awesome home-made octopus cupcakes courtesy of  big sister Faith.
 Let me tell you, I have to give that Sahara Sam's props. Because even though it was literally 10 degrees outside, it was Florida Everglades hot inside. The windows were all fogged up and sweating with the excessive heat. Immediately upon entering, I had the mother of all hot flashes, which pretty much lasted the entire time we were  there. Despite my reservations, Frankie had the time of her life, and all of her little girlfriends, the whole way home, kept chanting, "Best Party Ever!" I consider her  9th birthday party, a huge success.

At the end  of the night, I found myself  staring at my daughter's smiling face, as we bounced and floated along in giant tubes, down the "lazy river".  I couldn't help but tear up as I thought back to the day I gave birth to her, and how differently that night ended for me.

It started out like any of my other child-birthing days. At the hospital, bright and early on a Tuesday morning, as a pre-scheduled induction.  I knew what to expect, because I had done this already. Twice. I thought I had this whole birthing thing, in the bag. What could they throw at me, that I hadn't already been hit with the past two times?  (Side note,  mothers, don't EVER ask yourself this question.)

Frankie, her sisters and friends, taking a little pizza and cupcake break.
From the get-go I was mildly annoyed at The Husband and my ob-gyn doctor. As I was starving, cramping and leaking bodily fluids, they were sitting around my birthing room, eating, drinking  coffee, watching tv and shooting the shit. My doctor had been asking The Husband to take him out to the range shooting, which he promised to do. And, my doctor (who has his pilot's license and a plane) offered to take The Husband flying. I really didn't want to interrupt the mad bromance going on, but I remember thinking, heeeellloo, woman in labor over here!!! 

It was a bit early, but I already felt all of the tell-tale signs and burning urges to push. Men, there is one thing you don't ever want to mess with and that's a woman who needs to expel a child from her body. I calmly, quietly, and very politely asked the men folk to please shut off Live with Regis and Kelly, put down their coffee and breakfast sandwiches and come pay attention to the baby momma, ready to pop. It was time to focus, people!

My little Francesca girl, as I would soon find out, always does things a little bit different from the norm. And that's exactly how she wanted to  enter this world. She was transverse (or in the upside down position) and that was not a good thing for me. Because instead of getting to push, I had to grin and bear the pain, while my doctor tried to manually twist  Frankie into the right position.

I like to think  I have a high pain tolerance. I had all my kids without the assistance of an epidural or drugs of any kind. I've passed kidney stones, (five months pregnant) without any pain meds, at all. But I can tell you right now, resisting the urge to push, with your doctor's arms up to his elbows inside your nether regions, manipulating the baby inside of you, HURTS. Really, really bad.  So bad in fact, The Husband, who just got done making plans to hang out with his new BFF, turned around and quietly told him that if he made me cry out in pain like that one more time, he was going to have to take him out.

Thankfully, my ob-gyn was able to turn Frankie, without me having to undergo a  C-section  or The Husband having to knock him out. After two or maybe it was ten  (I'm not sure I kind of  blocked it out of my mind) agonizing hours later, I was finally wheeled into the recovery room with my new  baby girl.

I dozed off for a  bit, but woke with a start when I felt the call of nature.  Now, it's normal, hospital-operating procedure to call for assistance on your first trip to the facilities, after giving birth.  When a tiny little bit of a nurse showed up to come help me to the bathroom, I knew there was going to be trouble. She was a lovely woman, but I'll be honest, I have eaten steaks that weighed more than she did. Normally, I am not a small person. But nine months pregnant and blown up so full of fluids I was about to burst, I was absolutely ginormous. I was a little worried, but since I felt pretty decent,  I thought everything would be OK.

Technically, I made it to the bathroom. I was only in there for a minute before I passed out the first time. I woke up, with smelling salts under my nose and the tiny little nurse, struggling to hold me up, so I wouldn't fall off  the bowl. She kept repeating, "Can you hear me?" "Are you alright?"

I reassured her that I was. But I called for back up.  There was no way I was going to let this little nurse try and help me back to bed. Because if I passed out again, I would no doubt take her down with me, crushing her underneath me like an elephant falling ontop of  a bug.

It's a good thing I called for The Husband. Because when I stood up, and started making my way back to bed, all hell broke loose. I had started to hemorrhage, and passed out again due to blood loss. I also went into shock and well, after that, I kind of died for  a second.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding NDE's. (near-death experiences) Some people believe it's a lack of oxygen to the brain which causes hallucinations and that logically explains NDEs. I, however, do not. After pouring over hundreds of accounts of NDE, I  just can't dismiss my own personal experience, or anyone else's, off as mere hallucination.

And here's where  I am going to end Part One of this blog entry. If you'd like to read further, I will be posting the second half and recounting my near death experience in detail, in a Part Two post. I  felt the need to give my followers an out. This isn't my typical material, where I jack around and poke fun of myself. This is something very personal, that I rarely share and never, ever, joke about. And now that you've been warned, it's entirely up to you, whether or not, you'd be interested in reading more.

22 comments:

  1. Since I know things turn out o.k, I'd be interested in hearing a part two of the story :)

    Sounds like your daughter had a great time and, at nine years old, that's pretty important.

    Great post!

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    1. Thanks Mark- and yeah, she had a ball. So happy we decided to have her party there.

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  2. Baby #3 was the same way for me. Induced, no pain meds or epidural. The sucker had his hand on top of his head preventing him from bearing down and the doc had to go in and move things around. I know that pain. And boy can I sympathize. But NDE? How can you leave us hanging like that? I can't wait to read the rest. And happy birthday to your baby!

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    1. Man, I thought I felt pain before, but Lord have mercy that twisting and turning pushed me right over the edge. It was excrutiating. But I would suffer through it all again, just to get my Frankie girl. She was well worth it.

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  3. I'm glad that your daughter had a wonderful time at her party and that in the end... momma and "baby" turned out all right.

    I will be back to read Part Deuce!

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    1. Hey Dani- thanks. She had a really fun time. The kids were all smiles, giggles and rosy cheeked. My idea of a success!

      Thanks for hanging with me.

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  4. Glad your daughter got her 'pool party!' Skimmed the other part (because that was too much for this dude who has no kids) but wanted to say I'm glad you are still with us. And I really want to hear about part two.

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    1. Oh Alex, I am so sorry. Didn't mean to gross you out. Sometimes I forget myself. I come from a medical family who talk about gruesome medical stuff like this at dinner, without missing a beat. But thanks so much for hanging tough through it and actually wanting to read on! You're a trooper :)

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  5. HOLY COW! You never cease to amaze me, you know. You're such an incredibly strong woman. Birthing with no meds is no easy feat, and your experience to get Frankie turned the right way sounds very painful. It's amazing the lengths we're able to go to for our children. I'd be very interested to read part two.

    Happy birthday, Frankie. Glad to hear she had a great birthday. Those cupcakes look delicious! :D

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    1. Thanks Clare. I'm don't know how strong I am, but I've definitely led an unusual life. When people like to say to me, "You wouldn't understand!" I always laugh a little and say, "Oh, you might be surprised..." LOL

      The cupcakes were sooo good. Mostly because Faith made them and not me. It was her present to her sister. Well, the cupcakes and her very own "Skippy Jon Jones" book and stuffed animal :) Frankie loved it all and had the time of her life. She's still beaming!

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  6. An indoor water park sounds like a pretty rad place for a birthday party

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    1. For a freezing day in January, that place ruled Adam! It was warm, it has water slides and a giant lazy river, tons-o-fun for everyone!

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  7. OH PLEASE!!! Must hear part two of your story. Amazing...

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    1. Thanks Cath- I will be posting Part Two on Monday. Hopefully, I will be able to find the right words to describe my experience and do it justice. (Which is a big concern for me.)

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  8. And oh, yeah, I'll take three or four of those delish cupcakes, please...

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    1. The octopus on top were edible (sour gummy flavored, yum), the icing was home-made and dyed all of the birthday's girl favorite color with care by big sis Faith. She made some chocolate and some vanilla. They were so stinking good I ate four of them. Two of each kind! *LOL*

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  9. Faith did a great job with those cupcakes! Glad your daughter had a great birthday. :)
    I will be back. I'm just glad it all worked out! You never know what can happen when having babies. I just thank God for modern medicine!

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    1. Faith is the best. She is such a great help to me! - And yeah, I am very happy that I chose to deliver in the hospital. Otherwise, I would not be here today, talking about my experience.

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  10. Gah! I can't believe you stopped the story! I definitely want to read part two.

    Thank God everything turned out okay (obviously, since you and Frankie just celebrated her birthday). I loved the line about your husband threatening the doctor...your husband is such a sweet protector.

    I'm glad Frankie had the best party ever!

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    1. That's The Husband. He can't stand by and watch anyone hurt me, even if they are doing it for my own good, LOL.

      Frankie and her friends are still talking about how awesome Sahara Sam's is and how fun her b-day party was, and that makes me so happy :)

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  11. I'm really looking forward to part two. As a person who's had my own experiences with death and the afterlife, I don't believe that NDE is just a hallucination either.

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    1. I'd love to read your account. I don't normally talk about it, but with Frankie's b-day coming around, it was fresh in my head. I felt oddly compelled (in my gut) to blog about it.

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