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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Monday, January 28, 2013

Birthdays, NDE's and Baby Mommas, Part II

Hello brave followers. If you didn't read my Birthdays, NDE's and Baby Mommas (Part One) post, you might want to go back and give that a little once over before journeying on with me here for Part Two because I am picking up my story, as promised, right where I left off:

When I started to hemorrhage and pass out, The Husband knocked down gently nudged the little nurse out of the way, so he could catch me before I cracked my head wide open on the hospital floor.

The maternity wing was packed that day, so I was saddled with a room mate. My room-mate's 12 year old son just happened to be visiting with his mother at  the time so he had a front row seat to the Jen sprawled out and bleeding to death on the floor show. While I was  passing in and out of awareness, one of the things I kept hearing, was the frightened shrieks of that poor kid. "Mom! What's wrong with that lady?" "Is she dead?"  "Is that lady dead?" "Did she die?"

Dead. Dead. Dead. When I was still  in my body, that's the word that was stuck on repeat in my ears. As I mentioned before, I was in a fair amount of pain. In addition to giving birth, my doctor had just put my insides through hell and I was rapidly bleeding to death. Slowly, I felt myself floating up and outside my body.

Unlike a lot of other people, my life did not flash before my eyes. I did not get pulled into or go through a tunnel. But I can say this, I was immediately relieved of all my pain. I felt nothing but happiness and pure bliss. I was warm and comforted and felt an indescribable love, like I had never experienced before. (And haven't since) I also knew,  I was not alone.

I really want to take the time to mention that I was not afraid throughout this entire experience. It is so hard to describe the indescribable, it is one of the reasons why I rarely recount this story.  My words are sorely inadequate to describe such an  amazing,  life-changing experience.

In any event, I knew I was not alone. And I knew immediately it was my Grandmother who was there with me. I smelled her. I felt her essence (for lack of better word) near me. I did not  see her, but I was absolutely certain it was her. My grandma and I had always been super close; her passing was a huge blow to me. I reached out to her and again, I felt nothing but pure, unadulterated joy. Just when I thought my heart would burst from all of the joy filling it, I felt another presence. My grandmother slipped into the background. Or maybe she was still there, all I know is that this other presence overshadowed and encompassed every single part of me and everything else around us.  The love that overflowed from Him is nothing this world has to compare to or offer, ever. I don't really care what category in which your spiritual beliefs fall, I will not argue or fight with anyone about their beliefs, ever. All I can tell you is my own personal experience and I believe this was my Savior, coming to take me home. Call me crazy. Call  me delusional. It does not matter. My faith in Him is as deeply ingrained in my body as my spine; there is simply  no separating the two.

Believe it or not, as much as I love my family and my children, I would not have hesitated to go with Him. Not even for a second. I would have followed Him no matter where it was He was going. But when I tried, He smiled at me. It was a half-smile and a little forlorn, but no less radiant. Slowly, He shook His head. He backed away from me and when He finally turned, all of the magnificent light, warmth and love He was radiating, left me. I knew (without words) He was telling me I couldn't go yet. And I began to sob. A deep, deep, gut-wrenching, sob that came straight from the depths of my soul. To this day, I shudder when I think upon the absence of that warmth. It still stings.

When I opened my eyes the overwhelming cold and blinding pain hit me so hard it was like I ran full speed, face first, into a brick wall. The lights in the room did not warm me from within. Instead,  they  actually stung my eyes. I was hooked up to all kinds of machines and I was shivering  uncontrollably despite the pile of hot blankets the doctor and nurses were throwing on me. My head was itchy and my hair felt all sticky. Tentatively, I reached my hand up to touch the back of my head. I was shocked to see my hand come away covered in blood. That's a testament to how much I  bled; it had covered my entire back and reached all the way up to the back of my head.

A different doctor than who had delivered my daughter stood over me. I blinked my eyes a couple of times, trying  to adjust to the harsh light and focus on him.  He said,  "Whoa, I thought we lost  you there for a minute."

My voice came out weak, more like a dry whisper, when I replied, "You did."  And I meant it.

I hate to admit it, but for a second, I sort of resented the doctor who just saved my life. I know that sounds awful but I blamed him for tearing me out of the peace of His presence. I had no desire to be away from that love and stuck back here, filled with pain.  And then I saw my husband.

My husband is a former Marine and a cop. He has come upon countless scenes of blood, gore and guts. Plus, he's half Sicilian and part Cherokee. Never in my life had I seen him look so pale, shaken and white. It snapped me back to myself and all of my loves and responsibilities here. I asked if I could hold Franchesca, (my new baby) and begged everyone not to breathe a word of this to my  mother. She would totally freak out and I did not want to frighten her. It was enough of  a shock when she did bring the girls round to see me I was virtually unrecognizable. (I will spare you the pictures...)

Technically, I was only gone for a few seconds. I've heard other accounts and have spoken to people who were gone a whole lot  longer than me. Some have stories so beautiful they could make grown men fall to their knees and weep. Others recount absolutely terrifying tales the exact opposite of what I experienced.  So, what did I take away from my NDE? Only that I want to live a life based on that indescribable love I experienced. I'd like to think I came back with a much more compassionate heart and a strong desire to love all people. I try to model my behavior after one of my favorite verses in the Bible.  1Peter 4:8 Above all, love one another...

Am I perfect? HECK NO. If you are a regular follower of my blog, you are well aware of how imperfect I am. You would also know that I rarely post about my faith. But I wanted to end this particular post by putting this out there:  I will always be here, ready and willing to share more about it, with anyone who should ask. 

*If you'd like to read much more compelling stories of  near death experiences: Life After Life, by Dr. Raymond Moody, (which was originally published back in the 70's) in my opinion, is still one of the best, most-straight forward books on NDE's available.

34 comments:

  1. WOW... just wow! Chills run the length of my arm. I can't wait for one day to be surrounded by that much love and warmth. But until then I'm happy to be here and love my children and family. I hope my brother was greeted with this type of bless when he passed. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. I think part of the reason God allowed this to happen to me was so that when my sister passed, although I was devastated for my own selfish reasons, I could be happy knowing where she was going. *Hugs*

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  2. Wow. Just wow. What else can someone say? I cannot even imagine what that must have been like.

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    1. It was amazing. And pretty indescribeable, even for a "writer".

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  3. Oh my gosh, this is just...wow. I am so glad you shared this story. It's gut-wrenching and tear-jerking and so so inspiring all at the same time. What an incredible experience. That warmth must have been incredible, and I love that you took that experience as motivation to live a better life. You are amazing!

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    1. Trust me, I'm nothing special. If it wasn't for God's grace, I'd be in BIG trouble,LOL

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  4. I have to reiterate what everyone else has said....wow. An amazing story for sure. I'm glad you made it, but it sounded extremely scary for all involved.

    Thank you for sharing that.

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    1. Thanks so much Mark. I did my best trying to describe what is virtually impossible to describe accurately- even for a supposed "writer".

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  5. What a touching story with a beautiful ending. It sounds like have so much love in your life and in your heart that you just weren't ready to go anywhere else yet!

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    1. It definitely would not have been the right timing, but at least now I know what to expect, (for the future) and I'm not afraid. Not too many people can say that.

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  6. I for one am glad your creator shook his head and told you to come back, as I'm sure is true for everyone else in your life.

    I was dead once and experienced none of this. It kind of makes me mad I didn't! :)

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    1. Mel-I'd like to hear your story sometime! I really feel like I had to experience this because God was preparing my heart to suffer some tremendous losses. And although from a purely selfish stand point, I was devastated to lose those family members and wonderful friends, I knew that they would no longer be suffering and what they had to look forward to. That is the only thing that helped me not get washed away or swallowed up in grief completely.

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  7. That's an incredible story, and I have shivers down my spine. I just don't know what else to say - words don't seem to be enough.

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    1. That's more than enough :) Thanks so much Annalisa.

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  8. This was truly a beautiful story. Everything I've heard about NDE is exactly that: you feel nothing but love, and you just don't want to leave. Not sure if you're familiar, but the tale of Dr. Eben Alexander is also pretty interesting. Long story short, non-religious neurosurgeon gets meningitis, slips into a coma that shuts down his brain, and has a NDE much like the one you described, which would seem to prove that he wasn't hallucinating since the parts of his brain responsible for vision, memory, logic, dreaming, etc weren't functioning when he experienced his NDE.

    I've never had a NDE myself, but my grandfather's come to me a few times, and it's always through smell. It's his Aqua Velva aftershave, and there's no mistaking it, if only for the fact that no one in this house uses any form of cologne.

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    1. Wow B-I've never heard of Dr. Alexander, but I will look him up now for sure! I have to ask, if you don't mind, if the times that your grandpa visits you, are at a difficult time in your life? Because my grandma visits me in my dreams but only when I am in deep distress. She's done it three times. All three times she came and told me something important. Everything she has ever told me, has come to pass too. Were you and your grandpa very close? My grandma was my best friend, my hero and by far the coolest person I ever had the pleasure to know.

      One thing my grandma used to tease me about (long before this experience) was how I always get lost. I told her that if she died before me she better come and get me or send Jesus, because otherwise I'd get lost for sure. I don't believe in coincidences and the fact that both of them came for me, is so typical of my grandma, it makes me smile and laugh-

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  9. What an amazing story, thank you for sharing it with us.

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    1. Thanks Suzanne and you are welcome.

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  10. Wow, that's an incredible story. I've heard a few other people share their NDEs and they're near identical to this. No light, but bliss.

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    1. I don't usually talk or write about it, (this was the first time actually) because it is just so hard to describe and get right.

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  11. That was amazing Jaybird. The rest of us can't even imagine how great the love from Him or how wonderful it will be to be in His presence. You can. And that is just amazing.

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    1. Thanks Alex. I am sorry for the graphic details of my story. I was cringing a bit to put them in, thinking of you. Thanks for reading through this and hanging with me to the end. You're the best!

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  12. That was amazing and inspiring to read! I had a tough second childbirth experience, and although they didn't lose me, I remember praying and knowing that whatever happened, it would be all right. I had peace, even though my husband told me later that he was more scared than he ever had been before and described the operating room as covered in blood afterwards (they put me out for the last few minutes of the childbirth because they knew I could bleed to death and they had to do surgery). But for me, all I knew in those moments before they put me under was peace from Him. (it certainly didn't come from anywhere else)

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    1. Thanks Tyrean.

      I'll tell you what, that scene was pretty gruesome to freak my husband out. He said he's never seen that much blood in his life, considering his life experience, that's saying something. He is always very calm during a crisis, (unlike me, lol) and said he didn't really get scared, until the doctor freaked out and started yelling. I obviously didn't know this at the time, but another ob-gyn doctor from my group came up on my floor, just to visit and congratulate us on child #3. I had just passed out bleeding on the floor when he walked in the room, so he rushed in and saved me, before the nurses even had to call someone else. And later, that same doctor had a huge argument with the one that delivered my baby. He chewed him out bad and screamed at him outside my door, (but the whole floor heard him screaming). He was furious that he didn't follow proper procedure with me, because I have a bleeding disorder, it's already dangerous for me to deliver. He never gave me the medication I needed to stop me from bleeding! The doctor who saved me realized immediately what had happened (probably because he delivered my other two) and knew just what to do to correct the problem. Had I had to wait for a different doctor to come, I no doubt, would not be here today.

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  13. What an amazing story. No surprise, though, considering you are such an amazing woman. Selfishly speaking, I am very glad you decided to stay with us for a while longer, and I'm sure your beloved husband and children are too.
    Hugs for your bravery, Jaybird!!!!

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    1. Thanks so much Cathy. Yes, I am very glad I didn't check out on my husband and kids now either. It would not have been easy for him to raise three girls (all under the age of three) alone. Cripes, we could barely manage to do it together. :)

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  14. Been there and done that. It is hard to talk about and convey the feelings and sense of peace and love. You did a beautiful job. Thank you for sharing. An absolutely incredible post.

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    1. Hey Faraway- thanks. It is SO hard because there really are no words to describe what I felt. It truly is a peace that transcends our understanding.

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  15. Oh my gosh, Jaybird, you just made me tear up. That was simply amazing. I was talking to someone the other day about the book ABFTS mentioned. She said she just finished reading it a few months ago and wanted me to read it too. I think you summed it up so well when you said this: "Above all, love one another" - I'm thankful you shared this with us.

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    1. Aw- thank you so very much for your sweet comments Elsie. I don't believe in coincidence, you should go get a copy of that book right away!

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  16. Thank you for sharing your story, Jen. It was absolutely beautiful. I'm very glad you're still here with us, but I'm also pleased you got sometime with Him, and know what His love feels like. It sounds absolute amazing, and the faith, compassion and love the experience has given you is truly inspiring. You make me want to be a better person, so that one day I can fully experience the Lord's love.

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    1. Clare- you made big fat tears fall from my eyes and all over my keyboard! I wish I could reach through this computer and hug the heck out of you right now. You make ME want to be a better person- Thank you so much! xo

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  17. Wow, what a beautiful story! Gave me chills the whole time. Ahough you were sad, I'm glad you came back, for your girls, your husband, and everyone else in your life (that includes us!). Your are definitely a compassionate and loving person, so if that's your goal, you've succeeded.

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    1. Thanks so much Kianwi. That sadness only lasted for a few seconds, as soon as I saw my husband and the baby it dissolved. I really think that the Lord was preparing my heart to be able to deal with the incredible losses I was going to face in the future. Giving me that little glimpse into paradise, knowing what my sister had to look forward to, helped me get through her loss. I don't know how I would have survived it otherwise.

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