About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Saturday, July 28, 2012

California or Bust, Fact or Fiction ANSWERS

If you didn't get a chance to read my Friday Fact or Fiction post, titled  "California or Bust" you should shoot back over there now,  before I reveal the answers here. Otherwise, this post won't make much sense. (Not like that's so much of a change..muahh!)

#1. FICTION.  Although I have to admit, there are many elements of truth to this story. First of all, The Husband did spend time in the Mojave Desert while serving with the Marines.  He had some special Nuclear, Biological and Chemical  Warfare training there, as well as some AT's (annual training). He hated every second of the extreme heat and spent many "Black Flag" days (120 plus), under the weather. Personally, he never got nailed by a scorpion, but it was a genuine concern and did happen while he was stationed there. Apparently, it was more likely for someone to get stung in bed, as the scorpions liked to crawl up and get inside their sleeping bags, at night. UGH.

#2. FACT. I'm sorry to say, Sporkgasm, unfortunately, in his case, this was no Urban Legend. The Husband did throw an insult at someone out the window of his truck, and paid for it dearly at the next light. The only thing that "saved" him, was that when it happened, about ten security guards from several of the hotel lobbies nearby, rushed over and surrounded their vehicle. With so many witnesses around, all trying to talk him down, it was enough of a deterrent for the gentleman to put his gun away and take off.

After he was out of danger, The Husband and his BFF pulled over and spoke with some of the security. They brought him something to drink, and worked on calming them down. The hotel security  told The Husband he was so lucky they came out when they did, because there had been several shootings in that same area, over the past few weeks. Someone was looking out for him that night, for sure!

#3. FACT. YES! For the love of God, unfortunately, this is also true. Not something he ever likes to talk about much either. So I won't get into the details, but it did happen :(

SO, every time I say "Let's go to California!" You know why I am met with resistance. All of the above reasons are shouted from The Husband as to why, he would rather NOT go, ever,  ever, again. It just brings back bad memories and he doesn't believe it's "safe". No amount of pleading, arguing or trying to rationally discuss this with him works either. I've tried. 

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend- Thanks again to all of you crazy people who follow my blog, and keep on coming back and participating in my "Friday Fact or Fiction" posts. Thanks for commenting and making my day ~ Jaybird

Thursday, July 26, 2012

California or Bust Friday Fact or Fiction

Hey Guys!  Is it Friday Fact or Fiction time already? Man did this week whiz by! Thought I should mention I received an anonymous comment recently, about how I should be more careful because my posts are "rife" with spelling/grammar errors... Well I wanted to (1) apologize to everyone who is very offended by this and (2) Warn you that if you get offended easily, this is probably not the blog for you to be following.  LOL

I honestly do my best to proof read and not make mistakes.  But I'm not perfect, and I will most likely continue to make stupid mistakes. Quite often, due to the auto-immune disease I suffer from I have to try and think through some serious brain fog. I'm not making excuses, I just want you all to be aware of  this. At one point, I even considered giving up on my blog. But because of the support of the majority of my followers, I'm still plugging along. And here we are. So sorry to disappoint or offend you with my mistakes from time to time, but if you follow me, that's just the way it's gonna be :)

Now: It's Friday Fact or Fiction Time. This week's theme is:  California or bust. I love and miss living in California every day. I left my heart in San Francisco, for sure. But The Husband absolutely LOATHES the Golden State. He refuses to go back and won't visit with me. Here are three reasons that MAY or MAY NOT explain why he feels this way...

Me & my sister Adrienne hanging on Fisherman's Wharf.. I truly left my heart in San Fran!

#1. The Husband MAY or MAY NOT have been stationed out in the Mojave Desert, while serving in the Marine Corps. He was not very fond of the extreme heat. Considering he had to be treated for heat stroke three times since he had arrived, who could blame him?  Once, while he was recuperating from the heat in the med tent, he fell asleep. Abruptly, he woke from a sharp, stabbing pain, right in the heart. It was such a shock  and so painful, he thought he had just been stabbed! He yelled as loud as he could. A Corpsman came rushing over, eyes going wide.  The Doc pulled rank and ordered The Husband to stay very, very still. He MAY or MAY NOT have just been stung in the chest by a SCORPION!!
 Joseph Phelps in Nappa- hanging with my peeps. Who doesn't love Nappa? Come on!
 Back row: Terra, Jaybird, my BFF Rochelle, her hub Dean
Front row, sista Karen, my sista A, my Brother-in-Law Mike
#2. The Husband and his BFF Bryan, were driving their way from New Jersey to California, on what was supposed to be a kicked-back road trip and spectacular sight-seeing extravaganza. This MAY or MAY NOT have been the case, in every other State, until they arrived in CA. It was late, and the Hollywood Boulevard was not quite what they were expecting. First of all, the car coming at them,  had no headlights on. The Husband, thinking he'd be helpful, shouted out the window, (in typical Jersey Shore style) "Hey A-hole, put your lights on!" 

He thought nothing of it either, until he and Bryan sat idling at the next light. The car he had just passed, pulled a u-turn and was now behind them. The driver jumped out and put a gun to The Husband's head saying "Who's the A-hole now?"

Car-side view of Alcatraz

#3.   The Husband was on leave from the Marine Corps, and jumped at the chance to take a road trip to Venice Beach with a group of friends. He was just starting to unwind and relax by the beach, when he MAY or MAY NOT have witnessed a murder, not ten feet from his face.

OK,  there you have it. Please vote on which of these stories you think are either FACT or FICTION. I'll post the truth/answers on Saturday.

BTW, let me know what are your thoughts? California: YES or NO?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Dollar and A Dream

When we first got together, one of the things The Husband would always do, was bring me flowers. He would bring me a nice variety too, everything from a single lily, to a couple of daisies tied with string, to the classic dozen red roses. And I loved it.  But as the years went on and we were struggling to pay the bills, as much as I loved the beautiful flowers and the sentiment,  I told The Husband to stop the madness. It just seemed so selfish of me to keep accepting the flowers, considering we didn't really have the money to "waste" on them. My very romantic Husband did not respond well to my practical approach on his flower giving. Instead, he took this as an insult. Never in a million years did I expect to tell my hard-core, "Alpha" male supreme, he had to stop being so sensitive!

The Husband explained it wasn't about the flowers themselves, but the fact that he was thinking of me and wanted me to know how much he cared. Telling him to stop,  really hurt his feelings. I was shocked. Of course, I never meant to hurt him, I thought I was doing him a favor. Perhaps it was in my delivery... Maybe the whole conversation wouldn't have turned into an argument, if I didn't joke around about how he had started this tradition  back when we were still dating but he could knock it off now, cause he had already "sealed the deal".  Man, was he mad at me. But I couldn't quite wrap my brain around why he was so pissed and he could not get over why his wife, (or any woman) would not be thrilled that their husband still bestowed beautiful flowers on them as a token of his love, after being together for so many years. I apologized for hurting his feelings, but we decided to agree to disagree on our fight and move on. I knew my big guy's feelings were still  hurt. Especially when we watched a movie and a girl received flowers from their significant other. He would say sigh, or roll his eyes, or mumble something under his breath, like "she seemed happy enough to get some flowers".  Ugh. It went on like this for a while until...

One day I was feeling like I just stepped out of a cage match with a UFC champ. (This is typical of someone with an auto-immune disease like mine.) But this particular day, my aches and pains were  so brutal I couldn't get out of bed. When I was feeling crap like this, it normally was the perfect time for The Husband to bust some flowers on me. I have to admit, the first time he came home with nothing, I felt sorry for my spoiled little self, and a little disappointed.  Yes, I know he was only following my directions. But despite what I had previously told him,  it stung a little.  (And yes, I fully realize what a pain in the ass I am).

I could hear that The Husband was home from the store,  because he was banging around the kitchen downstairs, putting away groceries and preparing dinner. While I wanted to wallow in self-pity from my bedroom, how could I? What a guy! My man had cooked, cleaned, went to the grocery store (with all three kids) and was now preparing dinner, without complaining about it either.. How lucky am I? Sometimes, I still can't believe my good fortune.

A little while later, when The Husband started up the steps with my dinner, I wanted to tell him how amazing he was and that I was dead wrong to be so callous about the flowers. But before I got the chance, I saw he was carrying two dinner trays. He decided to jump in bed with me, so he could keep me company. It was not what I had expected and so very sweet. To put the icing on the cake, he says, "Oh, I got you something. Don't worry it's not flowers!" 

He  had placed a card, next to my plate. It was a beautiful card, full of inspirational type quotes, to make me feel better. But when I opened the envelope, a handful of scratch-off lottery tickets fell out. He fanned them out in his palm and then handed them over to me, like a bouquet. "Maybe we'll win big and then I could buy you flowers everyday, and it wouldn't matter!"

The Husband and I sat there, eating and talking about all the things we would do, if we ever won the lottery. The kids came to check on us, then they jumped up into bed and started to chime in on what they would want to buy/do if we won big. My little one made us laugh by quoting/imitating the commercial saying "All it takes is a dollar and dream". We laughed and talked and dreamed big. But as I looked at the faces surrounding me,  I knew I had already won.

What's the first thing  you would do, if you won the lottery? What about your life, (if anything) would you want to change? I'm curious, where your dollar and a dream would take you?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Please Pardon Our Appearance, While We Are Under Construction

You may notice that the Bird's Nest is going through some major reconstruction... Actually, my blog looks like a FAST DISASTER. My posts are all out of order and a total mess. This is because of  something that has recently been brought to my attention (See Jaycee DeLorenzo's Blog)

Even though you put forth a disclaimer or give credit/props to the photog,  and  even if you don't use your blog to gain a profit, it doesn't matter: certain pictures need to be removed (there go all of my amazing  shots of HJ!  Sigh..) from your blog if you don't own them. OTHERWISE YOU CAN BE SUED. SO, since I was ignorant of all this and did not realize it was a such a huge problemo, I have taken the necessary steps to eliminate all pictures from my blog that I or The Husband did  not take. Giant thank you to Jaycee, for the head's up, and posting some alternate sites/resources where you can obtain  pictures that are safe to post. I strongly encourage all of you to take down any pictures you don't own, before it's too late.

And, please, pardon our appearance while we are under construction- I have over 200 posts to clean up. It may take me some time, and a lot of my older posts may not make much sense without a picture to go along with them, but that's just the way it has to be.  I apologize profusely for any and  all inconvience this may have caused...and ask for your patience while I remove any images that should not be used. Thanks!



Saturday, July 21, 2012

Guest Spot/Interview with Faith, from Faith's A Foodie

Hey Everyone! In lieu of my Friday Fact or Fiction post, I'd like to introduce you to my favorite little foodie. She recently turned  11, which prompted a birthday full of surprises. One of those surprises was to stay at the Peter Shields Inn & Restaurant. Faith will be doing her own spotlight on Chef Carl Messick and the fabulous restaurant on her blog, Faith's A Foodie. Her post will be- ALL about the food- so you don't want to miss it! PLEASE check it out http://Faith'sAFoodie.blogger.com  For her guest/interview at the Bird's Nest here, she'll focus on the Inn.
Peter Shields Inn & Restaurant, 1301 Beach Avenue, Cape May, NJ
Jaybird: Good morning Faith!
Faith: Good morning Mommy. Oops, I mean Jaybird.
Jaybird: What was the best part of your stay at the Peter Shields Inn?
Faith: It's so hard to choose, there are so many amazing things I loved about the PSI. But my favorite would have to be the afternoon wine and cheese. (Even though someone wouldn't let me have a glass of wine, but made me drink the ice tea...)



Jaybird: Why am I not surprised it's always about the food with you?
Faith: Yep. I also loved the 24 hour concierge room, fully stocked with chips, soda, coffee, tea, juice, water and those COOKIES!

Jaybird: In your opinion, what makes the Peter Shield stand out from all the rest of the inns in Cape May?
Faith: First of all, those black and white awnings and the impressive long white columns on the porch. They are your first clue about  how the PSI stands head and shoulders above the rest. Plus, the  outstanding personal service can't be beat! The staff at the PSI are friendly and warm, and completely genuine. They make you feel welcome every second of your stay. Trust me, kids can tell when adults are being fake. Here, at the PSI, the staff embraces you from the beginning, right to the end. Plus, all of the little extras (like the afternoon tea, concierge room and super sized breakfast) are what make a big difference. The restaurant and Executive Chef Carl Messick is TOP NOTCH! Oh, and did I mention it's beautiful inside? The owner, Jeff, did an amazing job renovating the place. His attention to detail is fantastic. He found a way to have all the modern comforts, without taking away from the Victorian, old world spirit that is Cape May. I love that. 
Jaybird: What room did you stay in, and what was your favorite thing about it?
Faith: We stayed in Room 9, on the third floor. My favorite part about the room (besides it being so close to the cookies) was after schlepping around Cape May in the hot sun all day, I was tired, sore and wanted to relax. I couldn't wait to get back to the comfort of our room, so I could jump into the claw foot tub! I really enjoyed taking a nice, long, hot bath in it. (Thank you for refraining from taking pictures of that!)
Jaybird: One last question, was there anything you didn't like about the Peter Shields Inn?
Faith: Yep. I didn't like that I had to leave!!

This is Donna, who greeted us with a great big warm welcome and a grand tour of the PSI. The entire time we stayed, never once did I see her without that beautiful smile on her face!
Grand staircase, a bridal photo opp favorite
Second Floor Seating Area, looking out onto ocean
Close up of stained glass window on staircase.
Faith chilling in Room 9
On the stairway landing
Faith & Jaybird, at dinner

Happy 11th Birthday to my favorite blogger and foodie, Faith!
If any of my friends here on the blog-o-sphere ever find themselves in the Cape May area,  please visit the Peter Shields Inn, and make sure to tell them Faith sent ya!!





Sunday, July 15, 2012

Prom Friday Fact or Fiction Answers

Sorry I'm late with the answers, but I got distracted by the Boomerang Effect, and had to post that first instead. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  A huge Thank You to those of you who always pop in and participate in my Friday Fact or Fiction Posts!! But just in case you didn't read it yet, you should go back to Friday's Fact or Fiction post and check it out, before reading the answers here.

1. FACT! This is so true.  It took me approximately fifteen minutes to get my ass ready for that prom. The look on that evil witch's face when I showed up on the arm of  my friend Shawn: PRICELESS. She got all up in his face, demanding to know who I was and what the H was going on. You know I don't put up with that shiz- No one, and I mean no one, douches my friends!!
Not the best pic, but  I thought I should still post it.
2. FICTION! OK, a lot of you guessed this one right.  Although,  the part about me not having a date for my own prom, was fact. I attended a lot of Proms before my own, with some of  my guy friends, (who were either dateless, in the closet, or got stood up) So when it came time to go to my own prom, and no one asked me, I thought I would have to just sit it out.  But when a friend of mine found out I didn't plan on going,  he volunteered to take  me. Ah, gotta love the giant hair- I'm not entirely sure whose hair was bigger that night, his or mine! HA.

3. FACT! Yep, I totally puked on a nun. Not my finest moment,  that's for sure. But in my defense, I did warn her. It wasn't my fault she didn't believe I wasn't drinking or doing drugs. That's not how Jaybird rolls. I didn't go to that school, so she didn't really know me, but it still pissed me off that she wouldn't believe me! After I spewed, I felt much better and wound up having a great time at that prom. But on the way home, (just in case) I insisted on sitting up front with the limo driver! LOL


Hope you enjoyed this week's installment of Fact or Fiction, a/k/a the crazy that is my life. ~Jaybird

Friday, July 13, 2012

Boomerang Effect

Ah- the boomerang effect. This is what happens to me, whenever I judge someone.  It comes back and bites me in the ass, HARD. Allow me to let you in on what happened this time.

Many of you might recall my recent post, titled "Top Ten  Things You Will See at a NJ Water Park." I poked fun at the majority of the people I saw walking around Hurricane Harbour, because, honestly, they looked so God-awful. Guess what? I should know better by now...

I took a trip to the beach with the kids and The Husband today, wearing the same bathing suit I wore to Hurricane Harbor. After what I witnessed at HH, I felt pretty darn good in it. I was still riding high on that false confidence I had gained, by comparing myself to all of the worst possible fashion disasters I had ever seen. When I walked over the dunes and perused the scene before me, I was ready to see the usual sad Jersey shore suspects that  greet me. But that's not who I saw staring back at me.

My beach, was full of impostors. Where were all of the skirt wearing mommas? MIA. Where were all of the old people who usually pitched their ginormous umbrellas and bitched non-stop about  how cold the water is? They too, were MIA. Also missing in action were all of the families with fifty rug-rats that hang out at this spot, running around and playing. It was so odd. But then, I spotted the Others.

 
Who was sitting up on my beach? A bus load of  freaking bathing suit SUPERMODELS. That's who! No one was less than perfect. Not one of them. Not one  ounce of cellulite, not one stretch mark. NO imperfections, at all. Their bathing suits (despite being the tiniest scrap of material imaginable) were all designer. Everywhere I looked, there was nothing but youth and PERFECTION staring back at me. And I had to laugh. I felt the maniacal laugh as it welled up inside, and when it came out, I actually snorted. I snorted!

Unfortunately, my pig-like snort garnered their attention. The Supermodels whipped their heads towards me in unison, looked me up and down, and then dismissed me with a simultaneous sneer.. They were so in sync with their perusal and dismissal, it was clearly a move they've performed many times before. And perfected.

One look at me, my three kids, and all our shit strapped to The Husband, I was the embodiment of every one of  their nightmares. Standing there, in my ginormous cover-up, I was the Queen of their Hurricane Harbour Horrors! I could practically hear their thoughts, as they screamed from their eyes and projectile vomited at me, from across the sand:  "Kill me, if  my  life  or body ever turns into  THAT!" 

I resigned myself to it being a VERY hot day, because there was NO WAY IN HELL I was taking off my cover up now. I would put up with the mad swass, it was better than the alternative. After The Husband set up camp (don't feel bad for him, he enjoys lugging all of that shit down to the beach, so he can impress everyone around us with how fast he can pitch his tent) he took the girls down to the water to go for a quick swim.

As many of you  know, I do not swim with things. This left me out of the wave riding party. I watched in horror, as The Husband shed his shirt, and I saw how much weight he had actually lost.  I have to admit, he looks pretty darn good. HE did not receive the derisive blow off and dismissal I had. Oh no, a couple of those skinny bitches were giving him the once over! Mother Freaking F'er! Can you imagine the steam rising off the sand around me?

I tried to ignore the ugly green eyed monster of jealousy that has always reigned supreme inside me when it comes to other women ogling my man. I pulled out my book, and tried to read, but the pages were kind of fuzzy. Then my stomach made such a racket, I was sure they would hear it over at Supermodel Central. That's when I remembered, I had consumed two Big  Gulp containers of coffee, but zero food intake. My stomach growled again. I turned up the music.

A while later, The Husband and my girls came up out of the water demanding my attention and towels. I was forced to turn down the music, so I could hear what they were saying. Unfortunately, my stomach made a repeat of  it's "feed me now" groanings, and The Husband heard it.

Just so you know, The Husband and I don't  go anywhere, without packing enough food to feed an army. (Or five hungry Italians) But because The Husband has been in  lock down on the fattie foods, he packed light for our beach trip. When he handed me a turkey sandwich, on thin whole grain bread, I was happy. For a second. Because that's when I saw it. The looks of horror on all of the Supermodels faces! Their mouths all formed perfect, surgically enhanced O's. And that's when I realized- even though this was what our version of "eating healthy" looked like, it was, to them, in fact a sacrilege!
UGH- CARBS, The horror!!

We had just committed a monumental model sin! How dare our fat assess sit there and nosh on CARBS?  I could hear their thoughts screaming across the sand and vomiting at me again. "Holy crap that fat beast should not be strapping on the feed bag!" "People who eat carbs shouldn't even be allowed on the beach!!"

My turkey sandwich kind of turned into mush in my mouth. I scarfed it as fast as I could. It's really hard to eat when starving people have their hate filled eyes boring into you. I really wanted to leave. I wanted to run my swassy, ginormous rear home so I could cool it off by swimming in my very private, thingless, pool. And, despite all the hate thrown at me, I was STILL hungry.

That's when I heard it. Oh My Gosh. The nail in my coffin. The ice cream man was standing at the entrance to the beach, ring-a-ding-ding-ing his bells. I swear he was shaking them directly at me.

I am, as conditioned as Pavlov's dog, to the sound of the ice cream truck, SO I started to drool!! I think it was the pool of water forming at the arm of my beach chair, and drip, drip, dripping into the sand, that gave me away.

The ever helpful Husband, jumped up and started across the sand, before I could stop him. He was already buying me my favorite treat, (cause he is as programmed to do this for me when he hears that music as I am to drool)  He came running back to hand me the chocolatey treat, all proud of himself, for not having to be asked. He was so genuinely excited to hand the sugery confection to his wife, because he knows that it makes her oh-so-happy, I couldn't help but smile back as him. As I licked the melted chocolate that was running down my hand, I resigned myself to the hate filled stares, and the fact that, the Boomerang Effect, had once again, come back to bite me on my fat ass- HARD.

Prom Friday Fact or Fiction

This week's theme is Prom . I'm going to list three incidents that MAY or MAY NOT have happened to me at Prom. Please vote on whether or not you believe my tales are FACT or FICTION. I will post the truth on Saturday. Take a listen to  "Doin  Time" by Sublime, while you read all about it :O


#1.  About an hour before his prom, one of Jaybird's guy friends MAY or MAY NOT have gotten royally douched! His evil girlfriend broke up with him, and literally tore his heart out, when she told him she wasn't  going to Prom with him, but with one his best friends instead! That sneaky squeezer, waited to the last minute to dump him, so he had no chance of finding another date!

When he called Jaybird, is was only to sob uncontrollably vent about how this beotch crushed him beyond words, and how he was going to be out beau coup bucks, for the limo, tux, tickets and dinner. But the worst part of all, because of her, he was going to miss his Senior Prom! If it was her intent to crush him like a bug, she had succeeded. "Why are girls so harsh?" He cried lamented.

Jaybird, MAY or MAY NOT have listened quietly to his tale of woe, until he was completely finished. But the entire time he was talking, Jaybird was busy getting ready. When he finally grew silent, she had already finished her make-up, curled her hair, and thrown on a white dress.  It was at this point, she May or MAY NOT have said, "Are you done whining yet? Because I'm ready and waiting on you now- let's go to Prom!"

#2. Jaybird attended lots of Proms, but when it came to her own, her date NEVER showed up!  She MAY or MAY NOT have thought, how pathetic am I? I've gone to so many others, but now that it's my turn, I have no one to go with. She MAY or MAY NOT  have decided that since she was already dressed up and ready to go, she might as well tag along with her older sister and all of her friends, who were going to hit the clubs in AC that night.

Guess who was the first person Jaybird saw "out" in that club in AC?  Yep, her MIA prom date.
Imagine her surprise, to find him there, tearing it up out on the dance floor, without a care in the world!! When he spotted Jaybird, the look on his face was one of utter horror and shock- he turned completely white, (which was not an easy thing for such a dark boy to do). Jaybird, MAY  or MAY NOT have been  all ready to go out and rip him a new one, when a sudden realization hit: He was not dancing with a girl- which gave her a pretty good clue as to why she had just been stood up!


#3.  Once, when Jaybird was piling into a limo with a group of kids on their way to prom, she somehow wound up in the rear-facing  seat.  It was a Friday night, so there was a ton of  stop and go Jersey Shore traffic, all the way down the parkway.  By the time they reached their prom destination,  Jaybird was about to get violently SICK!!

She ran to the nearest restroom, only to have her egress blocked by a N.O.U.S. Also known as: a "nun of unusual size." Of course, there are very strict, no drinking/drug policies at Prom for most schools, but this school happened to be a very exclusive, private Catholic High School, which MAY or MAY NOT have prided themselves on taking those rules to another level. The nun blocking Jaybird's way to the toilet, was known to all of the students as "The Enforcer" of those rules..

Jaybird tried to plead her case, explaining all about the sitting backwards in the limo and hitting traffic, that she did not do any drugs or drink any alcohol, but the N.O.U.S gave Jaybird the once over, and refused to move out of the way, demanding to smell Jaybird's breath! Despite her warnings, the nun got all up in Jaybird's face. It was at that opportune moment, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have spewed her guts up!! 

OK- there you have it. Please vote on whether or not you think which of these tales are Fact or Fiction. And, as always, if you have a crazy Prom story, I wouldn't hate it if you shared them here!! Happy Friday Fact or Fiction!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Ya Know Who You Look Like?

Good Morning Everyone! It's pretty early over here in the Bird's Nest, but as usual, I can't sleep. I woke up, got dressed, threw in a load of laundry, made a loaf of banana bread and a pot of coffee, then decided to get a jump start on my Monday morning blog post. Forecast is calling for another wicked hot one today, 92 degrees plus- and tons of humidity. Oy! That doesn't inspire me to do anything outdoorsy, unless I want my kids and I to melt again. What are you all up to today?

SO-every once and awhile, someone will stare at me funny, and say, "You know who you look  like?" I find it interesting, if not a bit disturbing, the #1 person most people say I resemble is:

"You look like the killer from the Saw movie!!"
Awesome. When the first person told me this, everyone else around us started laughing and saying, "Oh My God, Jen, you totally do!".  Now, most of you know, I don't watch scary movies, so I didn't even know the killer was a woman. At least the "he" I thought they were comparing me to, turns out to be a "she".  So, I've got that going for me. And in the pictures I've seen of the actress, I can actually see the resemblance.... (big mouth, giant forehead, ginormous lips, gobs of smeared black liquid eyeliner..yeah, I can see it)

Honestly, nine out of ten people say I look like the killer Saw chick,  Shawnee Smith. And when she isn't covered in blood and gore, she's pretty cute, so I've resigned myself to it. Every RARE once and a while, someone will say I look like  Jennifer Garner. I'd  like to think I look like Elektra,  cause she's pretty bad ass. HOWEVER, she's married to that asshat Ben Afflack, who I can't stand. So, that kind of blows.

BUT I'd much rather have people  mistake me for Charlize Theron.  (NOT from the movie Monster!)
Now I'm curious: What celebrities/actors do people most often say YOU look like? Who do you think you look like, AND/OR who would you want to look like, if you could choose?


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Hugh Jackman quote of the Month

"I love all different types of music. But that’s how I am with food, with people." Hugh Jackman


I feel the same way as HJ!  What about you? ~Jaybird

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Magic 8 Ball Meme


OK, I have to admit  right up front, to hating those balls when I was a kid. It NEVER gave me the answers I wanted - even after I cheated and shook the shiz out of it! BUT, because Jaycee DeLorenzo brought this meme to life, and she is all kinds of AWESOME, I'm down with it!!

In short, here are the rules:
1. Post the button and link to http://blog.jayceedelorenzo.com (following would be nice, but not required).
2. Share an excerpt from your current WIP, perhaps something you're struggling with, are stuck on, or just can't "get right."
3. Ask a question about your excerpt. It can be something easy such as "What do you think?" or something more in-depth, such as "Can you suggest a better way to word such-and-such," or "How can I make the emotions in this scene more realistic?"
4. Tag 8 people.
** I'm not quite  sure who was tagged, but feel free to ignore me if you were tagged already or if you don't want to participate. Feel NO pressure to do this, if you don't want to.***

Clare Dugmore
Kyra Lennon, Write Here, Write Now
Eve at Functioning Insanity
Christine Rains
Rachel at Writing on the Wall 
Ink in the Book
Suzie  F.
Ilima- Ka'ao Tell A Fanciful Tale

In a nutshell,  I've been epically failing at writing this query, for quite some time. It needs HELP. Any assistance/love/help/suggestions you can throw my way, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys!!

Sitting on a jury is the last thing any normal nineteen year old girl, would want to do. But Jenny Cardinale is no ordinary girl. After taking a peek into the wicked soul of the mob boss on trial, and seeing his demons sneer back at her, Jenny's determined to prove, contrary to popular belief, a short skirt and big boobs does not make for a bad juror! Taking on the mob is not exactly the safest decision for a nice Sicilian girl from the Jersey Shore, like her to make. But considering her life is already being threatened, night and day, by her demonic douche-bag ex, really, what does she have to loose?

Jenny's becoming adept at dodging her enemies attempts at taking her out, all on her own. But when her best friend, NFL running back, Carl Le Claire, announces his love for her on Sport's Center, everything changes. The mafia and her psycho ex, decide to join forces, in an attempt to eliminate her, once and for all. The FBI immediately insists on placing her under their protection. Jenny agrees, although already resigns herself to defeat. Knowing full well no human being, could possibly protect her. At least, that's what she thinks, up until she catches her first glimpse of Special Agent Andrew Moore. As she watches him effortlessly extract a demon from the twisted soul of a lawyer, (and everyone knows lawyers are all kinds of evil) Jenny dares to feel something she hasn't felt in years, hope.

Breaking Cardinale Rules” is a NA paranormal romance complete at 110,258 words.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Birthday Fun and Surprises To Come

Please excuse the confusion on my part, I was totally thinking it was Thursday, (don't ask me why) and I had another day before I  post my Friday Fact or Fiction bit- You see how addled my brain is at the present?  So, please forgive me my brain fog and read this very exciting all  FACT post instead.

I'm SO excited  for my daughter Faith, because The Husband just worked some serious magic! (And a couple of hotter than Satan's balls over-time shifts) to try and make up for  the lack of fundage for her birthday celebration. ..

Many of you know (because I have whined long and hard about it here) about my lamenting over not knowing what  to do for my girls birthdays on a budget...meanwhile, that Wile E. Coyote Husband of mine was working on his own surprise.  Yes, we are still having the scavenger hunt, pizza, spa treatment, sleep-over party with the kids friends, (thanks to all of you who gave me such AWESOME ideas/suggestions) however, The Husband has something really special planned for Faith.



We are going to take her out to dinner to a special restaurant she has been buzzing at us to take her to, for a couple of years now. It is high end, (and pricey for us common folk) but it has a menu she has been talking about and dying to try! Cause, my little Faith has a very diverse palette for a soon to be eleven year old.  Faith IS a die hard Foodie. She even has her own blog, called Faith's A Foodie. Which I comment on, from time to time. Feel free to follow her if you'd like. (She would be thrilled to have more than four followers that don't include her Aunt and mother.)

Here  is a picture of one of my favorite recipes she created and posted over at Faith's A Foodie: Spinach, Garlic and Provolone Stuffed Chicken. YUMMY
Not low-cal, but delicious.

Anyhow, her dream is to become a chef/food critic one day, and she has begged wanted to visit this restaurant, for a long time, to see if it will live up to all of her expectations. It's called The Peter Shields Inn, in Cape May, New Jersey.  What she doesn't know, is that the owner, (JEFF YOU ARE A ROCK STAR) after speaking to The Husband, is actually going to take my little girl INTO THE KITCHEN!! She is going to loose her ever loving mind. But shhh, it's a surprise!

I will, no doubt, have lots of pictures, stories,  reviews and comments, after this all goes down. And by then, it will be August, and Farrah's turn. Hopefully, by then, that magical Husband of mine will have another rabbit to pull of his hat, just in time for her birthday.  She wants to be a Marine Biologist. Hmmm, anyone  have ideas for that?

Highlights of Father's Day

Here are a couple of highlights from Father's Day:

Took The Husband and Pop to their favorite diner. Highlight - watching my Dad laugh so hard he cried. What made him loose it:
Witnessing the "stupidity" of a teenage girl, pushing an older gentleman in a wheelchair. She was TEXTING while pushing, and not paying the slightest bit of attention to where she was going. She pushed what was most likely her poor Grandfather, straight into the counter!!  (The Husband thinks there should be a  new kind of ticket invented for such an offense)

Taking my kids out to eat is always fun. With my daughter Frankie, there is never a dull moment... Highlight: When the waiter came to our table, to ask if we needed anything else, watching in awe horror, as Frankie pulled her hoodie up, then put her hand in front of his face slowly waving it, saying in her best JEDI MIND TRICK voice: "You will bring me more fries!"

My mom, bought my brother a scented candle, because it had celebrity chef Giada's picture on it. My brother LURVES her. (Although, his feelings about G don't come close to how he feels about Kate Beckinsale) Highlight- It was embarrassing enough for my bro that she purchased him a scented candle, but then mom shouted across a crowded parking lot,

"Do you want me to stuff Giada in your trunk?" Needless to say, that turned a few heads.

The Husband and I brought the girls to go see The Avengers. The highlight -watching two extremely  pissed off twenty-somethings, actually LEAVE the movie theatre, and demand their money back, because- wait for it- "People were eating their candy too loud!"  WOW.

I have to ask, how does someone in their twenties, actually become that up-tight? Because, holy crap, what will those two be like when they actually hit old age? Dang!!

Hope you all had a fabulous Father's Day! So, far, (although it's only been a week)  this summer has been chock full o' fun!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Top Ten Things You Will See At A NJ Water Park

 
The fam and I ventured into Hurricane Harbor ( water park) yesterday and I saw WAY  too much boobage.  For some reason, those bad boobies were spread through out the park like an epidemic.  Know this friends: if someone like ME, who has mad trouble containing her own set, is commenting about this, it was a bad scene. Trust.
 
So, I'm not feeling well enough to go on any rides/slides, but the kids still insisted I come with, because "it's no fun without you".  OK, not to sound conceited, but I know this is true. I  am fun. I make everybody laugh.  Even though all I was going to do was sit on a bench holding every one's junk (no pun intended) I'm still going to have a good time! 

Yesterday, "observing" all the passer-bys and their various states of  undress, amused me for hours.    Thinking about writing it all down, in an absurd blog post, made me even happier. I found my fun. Here are the top ten things you will see at  a NJ water park:

1. Side boob.
2. Back boob.
3. All OUT over the top boob.
4. Butt picking, digging and spelunking for thongs that are buried so deep, they should just be considered collateral damage! *Water slides are notorius for their wedgie inducing abilities.
5. Butt over-hang on the bottom, top and out both sides of bathing suit
6. Kids holding still, with yellow water surrounding them  
7. Tinie-weenie man bikinis. 
8. Junk that's hanging lower than tinie-weenie man bikini. 
9. Man-scaping that NEEDS to be done 
10. Women who think they should still wear a bikini, even though they should have stopped that madness, years ago.  ACK!

 
What's the worst thing you've seen at a water park? My  vote, is for the tinie-weenie man bikini I saw yesterday, with the junk coming out the bottom. That was the worst for me! Come on, can't you feel AIR on the boys?  Geez!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Liebster Award


Thanks again to Clare Dugmore and Jaycee DeLorenzo for gifting me this blog award. Here are the rules, as I understand them.

The Rules...
1. Post 10 facts about yourself.
2. Answer 10 questions the tagger has given you and give 10 questions to the people you've tagged.
3.Choose 10 people and link them in your post.
4. Tell them you've tagged them.
5. Remember, no tag backs!


OK, so ten facts about me:

1. I used to race stock cars.
2. I've never been to New Orleans,  but it's been a long time dream of my sister A and I, to plant ourselves at the Cafe Du Monde, and drink coffee and eat beignets until we burst.
3. One of the things I love to do, is tour houses (I could never afford to buy), online.  I could sit for hours, just looking at how the interiors are decorated and staged.
4.No matter how  late I stay out on a Saturday night, I ALWAYS go to church on Sunday.  
5. Teaching my daughter Faith how to make coffee, was the most self-serving (and best) thing I have ever done. LOL
6. We have three McDonald's in our general area, each run by a different manager. So my kids, my sister, and myself, have all resorted to refering to the McDonalds by the most politically incorrect way you could imagine: The Asian, The Mexican and The Gay. Our preference being the Gay McDonalds, because that kid never screws up your order, always makes sure he has fresh coffee brewing, and keeps the restaurant immaculate. We're  loving it! 
7. Before I met The Husband, I was engaged to a professional motocross rider. 
8. When I worked in PR, the big boss of our company, was an extremely devout Pakistani Muslim male. Being a loud, outspoken, Christian woman, who wears a ridiculous amount of make-up and  some questionable outfits, the other employees took one look and  judged warned me, saying I wouldn't last long, because there was no way he would ever listen to me. But as it turned out, he loved talking to me! He called me in his office to talk, almost every single day. He asked me my opinion on everything,  and listened intently whenever I gave it. We had a wonderful working relationship, built on trust and mutual respect. The very same people who "warned" me, started to take me aside and ask,  "How did you get him to listen, when you talk?"  HA!
9. I have no tattoos, but I beg The Husband (on a regular basis) to get one!! LOL
10. Mexican food makes my clothes shrink. Especially enchiladas, and chiles rellenos..and tostadas.

Here are the ten questions given to me:
1. Are you a dog or cat person?
Up until October this past year, I only owned dogs. But the minute The Husband rescued and  placed an eight week old kitten in my hands, I fell in love. My cat (Princess Filamena Joy) is quite possibly the most spoiled animal, in all of North America. And  I fully admit to becoming a crazy cat lady. :)
2. An asteroid is headed to Earth. It's going to strike in 24 hours, and there's no Bruce Willis and his oil crew to save the day. How do you spend your last day?
I would eat, drink and be merry with my family surrounding me.

 3. What's your favorite scent?
A fresh pot of coffee brewing. OMG, heaven!!

4. Spiders or rattlesnakes - which one is scarier?
Is this a trick question? Cause they both suck it. If pressed, I would have to go with spiders, cause I have had the worst experiences with those little bastards.
5. Worst movie you've ever seen that you still kinda love.
Kate and Leopold. It is bloody awful!  But it has Hugh Jackman in it. *Swoon* So, um, yeah. I watch that every time it comes on Lifetime.

6. Do you believe in Aliens?
Holy crap. If I did, it would just be one more phobia to add to my long list of fears. Sorry, but that's a negative for me.
7. Name one blog you consider a must-read?
Beer for the Shower. I frickin love those Beer Boys. Their cartoons are hilarious, irreverent, and absolutely brilliant. They never fail to make me laugh. And I love that.  
8. Book you're really looking forward to coming out?
Amy Plum's third in her Revenant series, Die for Me. Until I Die was the sequel, which I lurved, and  I'm "dying" to know what's going to happen next, in book three.
9. Favorite fictional character of all time?
This is a tough one. I have so many! Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy come to mind, but so does Bilbo Baggins and so many more. It's so hard to chose just one...
10. The top item on your bucket list?  To publish a book!

Here are the ten questions I have to send to you:
1. If you could go back in time and erase one day, what day would it be and why?
2. What is your favorite song/band?
3. What is the funniest thing you have ever done/seen?
4. What is your favorite holiday and why?
5. Where is your favorite place to be?
6. What was the worst vacation  you've ever had?
7. Morning or night person?
8. Favorite meal/restaurant?
9. Where was the worst place you've ever had a flat tire, and/or broke down?
10. Do you think blondes have more fun?

And since we all know I have no clue how to tag people,  I will list 5 of you here, and you can all just consider yourself tagged: 

Ash-Matic Does Things
Functioning Insanity
Writing on The Wall
Kianwi- If you don't follow her yet, read the "Can You See Me" post. You will!
Ink in the Book

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Father's Day Friday Fact or Fiction Answers

If you didn't read yesterday's post about Father's Day Friday, Fact or Fiction, you might want to take a quick peek back, before reading the answers here:

#1. FACT! First of all, let me start by saying, my Dad's nickname is BUTCH. Because he earned  it. Just about EVERY New Yorker  has been mugged, at one point or another.  A lot of people asked him, what his secret was.  He always laughed and said, "I never had more than $2.00 in my pocket, I was tired, dirty, and generally pissed off. All I wanted to do was go home. Anyone standing in the way of that, was really not going to like  it.... LOL

#2. FACT! My mom is a nurse, my dad an electrician. He was re-wiring the hospital where she worked, when he and his friends over-heard the nurses talking about a big New Year's Eve party they were having. Of course, they crashed it. My Dad,  suffers from a lack of dance moves, but not SWAG. He hobbled over to my mom, and launched into his tale of BUM KNEE WOE, instantly garnering her nursing sympathy and interest. The truth was he had just gotten into a car accident, and hurt his knee, but we all laugh and joke about it, because that BUM KNEE never went away!! My Dad has never, and will never  dance! (Not even at his, or my, wedding.)

 #3. FACT! This is nothing but hilarious to me now, although at the time, it was trying. The only guy I brought home my Dad ever really connected to or spoke with, was, surprise, surprise, The Husband. When I asked my Dad why, he refused to speak to my dates, he said, "I have no time for stupidity!" Wow. Looking back at some of my prior boyfriends, Pops was (as usual) right. LOL

There are so many things I love about my Dad and am so grateful for. I just wanted to take the opportunity to say, Thank You Daddy, for:

*Taking such a girly girl like me on all of those fishing trips with you up to the Feather River, and then always baiting my hook cause worms are icky;
*Thank you for teaching me to never judge a book by its cover, and proving it by having just as much fun hanging with rough, NYC Union Laborers in a dive bar drinking beer and eating peanuts on a Friday night, but then on Saturday, donning your boat shoes and a huge grin, ready to join a VP of marketing, judge, lawyer and a dentist, for a sail, drinking wine and eating stinky Stiltons, Camemberts and Brie all afternoon;
*Thank you for giving me a love and appreciation for opera and show tunes by blasting Pavarotti and the Three Tenors, Man of La Mancha, or Madame Butterfly out of the speakers of your work truck;
*Thank you for teaching me how to hold my head up high, no matter who or what circumstances try to bring me down;
*Thank you for showing me what an honest man, full of integrity and zero compromise looks like, and
*Thank you for loving Mommy and this family, more than yourself,  for over forty-three years!!

I could go on and on, about his honesty, integrity, dry sense of humour, and overall awesomeness.  I realize how absolutely lucky I am to have been raised by such a spectacular human being, and I cherish every single day I get to enjoy his company. Happy Father's Day Daddy, I Love You xoxoxo