Hello All. It's been a long time since I've posted a traditional Friday Fact or Fiction. I may have mentioned a time or two or ten, that I've been caught up in doctor's appointments and other such unpleasantness this month. Those appointments, inspired this week's theme. I wrestled with sharing some of these stories. Ultimately, I decided I wouldn't be me if I didn't attempt to write some of this stuff down. So here it is. But a little warning to all of the men in my blogging life: I love you, but you might want to stop reading now. This post is all about the gyno.
#1. Jaybird is currently considering pressing criminal charges against an ultrasound machine. Recently, while undergoing a trans-vaginal ultrasound, she May or May Not have SNEEZED. Lord Have Mercy!!
#2. At her last appointment, the ob-gyn's flexible light fixture May or May Not have been co-operating with Jaybird's doctor. He must have twisted and bent that beotch into a couple of hundred different positions, before he was thoroughly and completely satisfied it was illuminating every last nook and cranny of her business! Jaybird decided she must have a magical vag because her doctor felt the need to call two interns to come inside the already hot, crowded and claustrophobic room to inspect it. There must be unicorns and rainbows up in there, because not only did her doctor encourage his colleagues to take a closer look, but he May or May Not have urged them to take notes. Now all of that twisting and turning of the light fixture in an attempt to take a closer look May or May Not have taken its toll on that lamp. Because it was at this moment the light bulb exploded with a loud "pop" sending sparks and tiny shards of glass raining down all over Jaybird's lady parts and the very last shred of her dignity.
#3. Jaybird May or May Not have received a call from her doctor, who she's been going to for close to twenty years (and who delivered all three of her kids), to come to his office right away. After a few weeks of taking never-ending tests, Jaybird thought, oh crap, he must have the results and the news is real bad. Nervous as heck, she went into her doctor's office to face the music. But instead of telling her she was going to die, (like she had imagined) he May or May Not have started to tell her a few things about himself. (1) He recently got divorced (2) He just purchased a Porsche (3) How would she feel about "taking a ride" with him!?!
There you have it. Three mortifying experiences at the gyno. If any of you are still with me, let me say (1) bravo and (2) please vote on which of these three stories you believe are Fact or Fiction. Anyone brave enough to share your own ob-gyn humiliations? As always, thank you for participating in my crazy life a/k/a Friday Fact or Fiction. I'll be posting the truth/answers on Saturday :)
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- In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.