About Me

My photo
Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

Total Pageviews

Friday, August 24, 2012

Learner's Permit

Hey Everyone-  No Friday Fact or Fiction theme I came up with was really inspiring me, so I'm going with my gut here and writing about what's really going on with me today.

Ever since she told me she took the written test, and was out driving around for her six hours of instruction, all I can think about is my niece Holly, getting her learner's permit.

Where did the time go? Here's how I will always picture my daughters, driving:
Check out Farrah riding dirty with a juice box, her Teddy, and her homey Frankie.

It simultaneously breaks my heart and fills me with joy, whenever my nieces hit a milestone, (like driving) because her mother isn't here to celebrate them anymore. And I still can't believe she's gone.

I know by now I should have come to grips with the fact that my sister is gone. But I guess things like this, just  make me miss her all the more. I will gladly celebrate all of the successes in my nieces lives, and continue to support them in any way I possibly can. But I can never  be who or what they need, and that really kills  me.

When my kids hurt, or something's wrong,  I am always there to "fix" it. This is something I can't "fix" for either my nieces or myself. God, how I wish that I could! I wish that my sister was still here, and my family could be whole again. I wish that I could throw my arms around her, hear her laugh, see that brilliant smile of hers again. I miss her so much. And when her girls are doing such grown up things, like learning to drive, I guess, I guess it just makes her loss hit me hard, all over again!

My niece has grown into such a spectacular, beautiful young lady. She's truly beautiful, inside and out and I am so very proud of her. I know her mother would be too. She looks and acts like her so much, sometimes I have to stop and catch my breath when she enters the room. When I look at her, I know I'm looking at a piece of my sister, that's still tethered here on earth. I know my sister is free now. She's free from all that pain, suffering and this life. I look forward to one day, being reunited with her and that's what helps me press on.  That, and the very special gift of my nieces. Those two girls bring so much joy to my life. I just wish I could return the favor.

We played this Switchfoot song at my sister's memorial. It still moves me every single time I hear it.




22 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry your sister is no longer with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. *hugs* I'm sure your niece is glad to have you in her life. No doubt she takes as much comfort in having you around as you do in her. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so happy to have my nieces, that's for sure. I don't think I've been much help to them though, sadly. I am trying to rememdy that.

      Delete
  3. I am sorry about your loss. Truly. Loosing a loved one is never easy and I pray you find comfort in your nieces. They need you now, and will always love you for your strength and guidance in their time of need..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the comforting words.

      Delete
  4. I am totally crying right now. I am SO sorry. And you never have to get over losing your sister. Not ever. The fact that you love your niece and wish your sister were here to see these things is healthy, and amazing. I am still reeling with some losses that happened to me last year. You gradually think about them less, until something happens to put them back in to your mind. You can't force feelings or grieving to go faster. And don't let anyone make you feel like you should.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to make you cry. Not my intention to bring everyone down, I'm just having one of those moments where my grief is tangible and raw.

      It helps to write it out, I know you know what I mean. :)

      Delete
  5. Aww geez, now I'm bawling. I'm sorry about your sister but so happy you have wonderful nieces. Lucky them for having you to help them celebrate those special milestones.
    And hey, cool photo of tiny Thelma and Louise up there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Cathy! Sorry to make you cry.

      And-this is one of my all-time fav pics of my girls. That I Dream of Jeanie costume on Farrah is a classic. Believe it or not, Frankie is in a "Scooby Doo" costume, but couldn't deal with wearing the head, LOL

      Delete
  6. This is a beautiful post. I'm sorry you're sister is no longer with you.

    Allison (Geek Banter)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Allison. I appreciate all the kind words and support.

      Delete
  7. This is a beautiful post. You made me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a sister. Still, your nieces are lucky to have you in their lives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Losing my sister was the hardest thing I've ever lived through. I can't even begin to describe the loss. I know I'm not exactly the ideal Aunt, but I am trying to make it up to them. It's hard having my own health issues/drama with three kids and The Husband, and still having the energy and time to give to my nieces. I do my best but still fear I'm letting them down, all the time. It's so hard Rach! But I'm trying.

      Delete
  8. I agree with Rachel, this was a beautiful post, that made me cry too. Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what that must be like. But, what a blessing you have in your nieces; you're lucky to have each other. :D

    Your girls are adorable. I love Frankie's outfit. Did they go Trick or Treating in a little kid motor car? If so, that is awesome! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to make you cry! And thank you so much. I appreciate all the support.

      Yep- Frankie was Scooby Doo not that you could tell, because she took the "head" off, it was too heavy and constricting. Farrah was Jeannie, from "I Dream of Jeannie". I absolutely loved that costume!

      The Husband bought them that little Hummer to drive around our neighborhood in, because the houses are so far apart it was hard for them to walk and make it very far trick or treating. It was so him to buy his girls this vehicle, instead of some pink Barbie car, which was the other option. LOL

      Delete
  9. What a moving post. Sorry for your loss. You and your nieces are so lucky to have each other. What a great aunt you are! I love that photo. It's so cute! There's nothing like the look of pure joy on a child's face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Christine. That picture just makes me smile every single time I see it! Love that smile on Farrah.

      Delete
  10. I am so sorry you lost your sister, how terrible and tragic. And your poor, sweet nieces, so sad. But it sounds like they have a lot of support from you and your family, which makes all the difference. You are a wonderful aunt! Good luck to Holly, as she passes this milestone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kianwi. I appreciate all the support. I'm doing my best to be there for the girls. No matter what I do, I fear it won't ever be enough. All I can do is try my best, right?

      Delete
  11. I can understand why the ache of losing your sister remains. I have three sisters, and I can't imagine losing one of them. I don't know if I'd ever entirely heal. Thanks for sharing this lovely post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Em. Ironically, my sister's name was Emily. I always say, I never met an Emily I didn't like! :)

      Delete