About Me

My photo
Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

Total Pageviews

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Top Ten Things You Will See At A NJ Water Park

 
The fam and I ventured into Hurricane Harbor ( water park) yesterday and I saw WAY  too much boobage.  For some reason, those bad boobies were spread through out the park like an epidemic.  Know this friends: if someone like ME, who has mad trouble containing her own set, is commenting about this, it was a bad scene. Trust.
 
So, I'm not feeling well enough to go on any rides/slides, but the kids still insisted I come with, because "it's no fun without you".  OK, not to sound conceited, but I know this is true. I  am fun. I make everybody laugh.  Even though all I was going to do was sit on a bench holding every one's junk (no pun intended) I'm still going to have a good time! 

Yesterday, "observing" all the passer-bys and their various states of  undress, amused me for hours.    Thinking about writing it all down, in an absurd blog post, made me even happier. I found my fun. Here are the top ten things you will see at  a NJ water park:

1. Side boob.
2. Back boob.
3. All OUT over the top boob.
4. Butt picking, digging and spelunking for thongs that are buried so deep, they should just be considered collateral damage! *Water slides are notorius for their wedgie inducing abilities.
5. Butt over-hang on the bottom, top and out both sides of bathing suit
6. Kids holding still, with yellow water surrounding them  
7. Tinie-weenie man bikinis. 
8. Junk that's hanging lower than tinie-weenie man bikini. 
9. Man-scaping that NEEDS to be done 
10. Women who think they should still wear a bikini, even though they should have stopped that madness, years ago.  ACK!

 
What's the worst thing you've seen at a water park? My  vote, is for the tinie-weenie man bikini I saw yesterday, with the junk coming out the bottom. That was the worst for me! Come on, can't you feel AIR on the boys?  Geez!

16 comments:

  1. I'd feel air!
    Been years since I went to a water park, but the beach alone scares me. Not to be rude, by why is it that the larger a person is, the less clothing he or she wears?
    I guess if nothing else, I feel REALLY skinny when I go to the beach...

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL Alex, glad you would not fall prey to that wardrobe malfunction! I'm always so insecure about how I look, making sure all the basics are appropriately covered for a mom- but after what I witnessed yesterday, I feel like a supermodel! (Nothing like comparing yourself to the worst, LOL) Honestly, I don't like to judge or be mean-spirited, but holy crow this was just over the top! (Literally) NJ at it's best.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I could. not. stop. staring. at that bikini picture! Wow and wow. Why, oh, why don't some people use their mirrors? I guess I admire her courage? Wow.

    Bless you for not posting a pic of a man bikini with escaping junk!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The bikini shot is a classic. I have no idea why, the people who love that woman, don't speak up and tell her that's not OK. And the junk shot, would have been too much AND I don't want to loose any of my followers! LOL

      Delete
  4. OMG, I am laughing so hard I have tears coming out of my eyes. I've seen the bikini woman one before, but that back boobage - OMG!

    You're a total crack up! And I second Kianwi - thank you for NOT posting escaping junk. It would have scared me for life!!!1

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jaycee- Good Lord it was awful! I know it's hot, but that's no excuse to let your stuff pop out of your bathing suit. You wouldn't believe the stuff I saw! Ridiculous.

      Delete
    2. Sadly, I think I would believe some of the stuff you saw. Still, I'm sending you some mental brain bleach vibes. I'm sure you could use it. :D

      Delete
    3. Thanks for the bleach, my eyes were still burning! LOL

      Delete
  5. Why oh why did I click on this link today? I want to scrub my eyes out. Images...just go away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry Ilima. Did not want to offend anyone, just wanted to share a little bit of what I sat through for HOURS the other day. Still have no clue why some people think "this looks good" when clearly, it does NOT!

      Delete
  6. LOL! At the shore, you probably get more than your fair share of all of this, too!!!!

    Not so much the water park, but when I was at Six Flags for a high school trip one year, one girl who was wearing only a bikini top got into the centrifuge. As soon as the ride started spinning, her top flew off, but because the ride plastered us to the walls, she couldn't cover herself up. That was... not good (but funny for those of us wearing real shirts!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh! I'm SO embarrassed by what you see on NJ beaches and parks. I would NEVER allow someone I love, to go out like that! It's just not right.

      Oh, I hate that ride that spins and spins. Puke-a-rama. I can't imagine losing a bikini top on it, and then not being able to cover yourself! After that disaster, I bet she never wore it again!

      I'm happy to report, there were two or three stand outs of women who pulled it together and looked fabulous at HH. They were NOT the skinniest, but they wore appropriate suits for their age and/or their shapes. They had super cute cover up skirts with pretty sandals, and nice accessories. I made sure to tell every single one of those ladies how they stood out, like shining stars, and how great they looked. :)

      Delete
  7. I need to come live with you, a day at the water park like that sounds hilarious!! God, that back boob was frightening. It makes me scared to go swimming this summer. Forget about Jaws, that's the horror in the water!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would love to hang with you too! We would, no doubt, have a ton of laughs and crazy fun together. If you are ever in America, you must come to the Jersey Shore, so I could entertain you with all of my lunacy...LOL :)

      And OMG, Clare, the back boobs! Back boob was something I thought was a People of Walmart anomaly, but as it turns out, it's a RAMPANT epidemic, in NJ water parks. It was frightening indeed.

      Delete
  8. So that's what fake boobs look like when you're 100. Awesome. Remind me never to get those.

    Around here, I always see the really, really hairy guys. Like, the ones who should be mistaken for sasquatch. And then they dive in the water, get out, and it's all matted down like a wet dog. So gross.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beer-Hair on the back, stomach, chest, doesn't bother me. (I am married to an Italian male) but, for the love of God, I DO NOT want to see it bursting out the bottom of your Speedo! Cripes. My eyes are still on fire from that. xo

      Delete