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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

Yesterday I loved my WIP, Today I hate it. Just like my hair.

While reading this post, pretend you hear my loud, completely ridiculous New Jersey accent whining these words.  It helps set the mood. It sounds a bit like Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinnie.

I have been working on my WIP for way too long now. I typed THE END eons ago. But I am not satisfied. I should be at the point where I hold many, many agent rejections in my hand. Instead, I have been procrastinating editing and editing and picking apart my first 250 and the story on a whole. Every time I think I'm close, I tear it apart again. I always find an excuse. My query is still non-existent because I continually tear that apart as well.


When I finished working on my manuscript, I was madly in love with it.  At times, I sobbed at the emotion it brought forth. Other times, I was literally laughing so hard I couldn't type and almost fell out of my chair, because I found it so freaking hilarious. I was really proud of my work. But I woke up recently doubting absolutely everything about it. Everything! And I started to hate it. Just like my hair.

My hair used to be long and shiny and oh so, pretty. It was thick and a deep, dark brown, with natural highlights that deserved their own Pantene commercial. (I kid you not.) And I  loved it! It was the one feature about myself I was proud of.  I could always count on DISTANCE and HAIR, to be my best assets!

But now, oy! I hate my hair with a passion. It has lost all of its former beauty. There is no glossy shine to make others envious. It's coarse and dry and for the love of God, would someone PLEASE tell my greys that they are not supposed to reappear for another six to eight weeks? Ugh. Rationally, I know my hair issues are due to stress and a side effect of my crap auto-immune disease. BUT, that doesn't make me hate it any less. Now I use scarves, hats, head bands, flowers and lots of bows and things to compensate for my deficient hair.  When I look in the mirror, I am riddled with insecurity and I wonder if I will ever be able to find a love for it again. Just like my WIP.

As I am introduced to my writer friends blogs, characters, WIPS and novels through various contests and hops, I am chock full of fear, self-doubt and wild insecurity.  I doubt  my ability to contribute anything of worth, at all. I want to scrap it all. I want to go hide my horrible head of hair in shame (like my little ostrich bird friend below) for ever considering myself a writer!

Has anyone else ever felt this way?  If  you did, how in the world did you overcome it? Did any of you ever love your WIP one day and then wake up hating it with a passion the next? Did you go back and try to patch it up with ribbons, bows, head bands and flowers, or did you start all over again?

11 comments:

  1. I'm having hair issues myself. It is in desperate need of cutting, but I don't trust hair dressers. I am however, trying to embrace my little grey friends. Maybe one day I'll have a white streak. :)

    I think everyone feels like this about their manuscript at one time or another. It's especially frustrating if you feel like you've been at one stage for a long period of time, and you don't feel like you're making progress.

    Perhaps a break might help? Maybe work on another project/ short story. Or read some books to re-inspire you.

    The blogosphere is a double edged sword at times, isn't it? It's a great way to make friends, but then you can easily fall into the trap of comparing yourself with others. Try to remember everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and try to find the things that you loved about your WiP the first time around.

    If you need a bit of a boost, perhaps share your favourite excerpt. I know I'd love to read it, and I'm sure others would too.

    *huggles* ♥ xx

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    1. As always Clare, your comments make my day. Thank you so much for this. I think I do need to work on something else and get my mind off of it..maybe I'll go and dust off one of my older works.

      And thanks for the offer of reading an excerpt, I might just take you up on that, in the very near future!

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  2. You've been reading my mail!!!! Stop comparing yourself! STOP! Right NOW! And stop stressing about editing and rewrites. Too much editing takes the charm and personality out of everything. Just leave it alone! Let your own voice shine. Write a query letter and mail it out. Just do it!!!!!
    And then, when you've mailed it? Go cut your hair. Cut it right off short. Cut all the bad stuff of and let it grow in shiny and healthy again. While it's growing, start another novel and forget about the old one. Ignore rejection letters. Celebrate acceptance letters. Or just self-publish it and enjoy your success!

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    1. I should cut it short and sassy, shouldn't I? Not a bad idea. I am going to have to work on something else, while I shove this WIP to the back burner of my brain for awhile..

      Thanks for the encouragement Cathy.

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  3. And I LOVE My Cousin Vinny. It always makes me wish I was a Joisey girl.

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    1. LOL- I love that movie too. A little Jersey humor- is always good for a person.

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  4. Oh, absolutely I have felt this way! One day, I'm convinced I'm writing the best story of my (admittedly short) career. The next day, I think it's garbage.

    And don't get me started on my hair.

    Maybe you need to take a break from the WIP and work on something else for a few weeks so that you can come back later with a fresh perspective.

    And if you want feedback on your first 250 -- I do first page critiques at the beginning of every month. Just give a holler if you're interested.

    (Now I'm popping over to Netflix to see if My Cousin Vinny is available for streaming ...)

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    1. Thank you so much Dianne! I really appreciate this wonderful, very heart felt advice.

      I might just pop over and take you up on that first 250 offer. I am in dire need of a critique from someone who is unbiased. I fear my friends are way too generous because they don't want to make me cry. (which isn't all that hard, to be honest LOL) But it's about time I put on my big girl pants and hear the truth. :)

      Thanks again!

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    2. I have 2 spots open in June, and none scheduled in July, and I sincerely hope I've never made anybody cry!

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  5. Oh yeah, I'm currently in hate with my WIP. I've done two drafts, and though I like some changes, I'm still not satisfied. It frustrates me to no end.

    Have you ever read Les Edgerton's book HOOKED? It's a great book on writing beginnings. It's helped me immensely.

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    1. I have not heard about or read Hooked, but thank you so much for the recommendation. I will go seek it out, for sure. I am open to anything that can help me out of this funk.

      And thank you so much for the encouraging words. Knowing you are not the only one who feels this way, helps tremendously!

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