#1 Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have been hired as a bank teller once. This job, MAY or MAY NOT have turned out to be harder than she thought it would be. She was short on her drawer, twice, and could not figure out why. She had to take the difference out of her paycheck and was warned if it happened again she would be let go! Then, one slow day at the drive up window, Jaybird was leaning back in her swivel chair, swinging around and playing with this screwy thing under the counter. After a few minutes of this, about ten POLICE CARS and a Special Crime Scene Unit van descended upon the bank. The officers burst through the back door of the bank, guns drawn, yelling, "Get down, get down, get down!" When they realize nothing is amiss, they demand to know what happened. The tellers/Jaybird say, "Nothing." The cops response, "Then WHY THE HELL did someone push the SILENT ALARM!!
#2 Jaybird worked at a local marina, during her Jersey Shore summers. Her job duties MAY or MAY NOT have included everything from minding the little convenience store to manning the gas pump to her least favorite job responsibility- bagging BUNKER fish for bait. The seagulls would go nutso, taking turns swooping down and trying to steal the smelly bait fish. The longer it took to bag it, the more the frozen bait thawed and REEKED.
Jaybird happened to be the only FEMALE employee of this marina. The men who worked there MAY or MAY NOT have teased her mercilessly. They would suddenly show up behind her while she was bending over in the store and/or relentlessly torment her about smelling like fish.... If it rained, there was down time. The guys liked to gather in the back of the shop, playing cards or betting each other to do stupid shiz. One rainy day, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have challenged seven beastly men to an eating contest. The stakes were, if Jaybird won, there would be no more tormenting her with fish comments and trying to grab her ass while bending over, ever again. If they won, well, Jaybird would have to come to work in a microscopic white string bikini for the rest of the summer!
#3When Jaybird was deciding what she "wanted to be when she grew up" (besides a writer) she thought she might go the medical route. Since Jaybird's family all worked in this field, it seemed a very natural and logical choice. Jaybird's mom hooked her up with a job working for an allergist. The very FIRST day on the job, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have walked in an exam room, a step before the doctor. The patient, MAY or MAY NOT have yanked up her shirt, revealing rolls and rolls of fat, saying, "Take a look at this!" When the patient picked up one of the rolls, revealing what was underneath, Jaybird saw the poor woman had a wicked heat rash that had gotten really infected. It was now an open sore, filled with puss that smelled like death. Instead of assisting the good Dr. with the cleaning/draining of the sore, like she was supposed to, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have fainted at the Dr.'s feet. Which MAY or MAY NOT have ended her brilliant aspirations of choosing a career in the medical field, permanently.
#4 At eighteen, Jaybird MAY or MAY NOT have become interested in the field of law, after sitting on JURY DUTY. She was thrilled when she landed a job working for a prominent lawyer in the area. Said lawyer, MAY or MAY NOT have had ISSUES. If he lost a case, he would come back to the office and fly off the handle in FITS of RAGE, screaming and tearing apart the shelves of the law library. While he was in the midst of one of his temper tantrums, he would record his dictation, then stomp out of his office and down the stairs, throwing the tapes he wanted transcribed, over the banister and right at Jaybird's HEAD! This well-established lawyer MAY or MAY NOT have been an expert on employee/employer SEXUAL HARASSMENT cases. The irony of that MAY or MAY NOT have been that in his own office, none of the secretaries were EVER safe. They would avoid working late or getting caught in the elevator alone with him, at all costs. Also, he MAY or MAY NOT have yelled at Jaybird once, because she wore pants to work, instead of a SHORT SKIRT. He was furious because he couldn't check out her legs!