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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, May 18, 2012

All the single ladies...Friday Fact or Fiction


Back BTH, (Before The Husband), Jaybird hung out with a lot of single ladies. I will  leave you with three great examples of how some of those evenings  MAY or MAY NOT have turned out.  As always, I will post the Answers/truth tomorrow. Thanks for participating!

1. Once, Jaybird was asked to host a bachelorette party for one of her absolutely gorgeous, rich and "infamous" party girl friends on the East Coast.   Jaybird, did not know how she was going to pull this off because (1) she is always broke (2) what do you plan to do with people who do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it? A limo was procured, as well  as a suite in a posh hotel, and plans to hit up all of NYC's hottest clubs.

This particular girlfriend of Jaybird's MAY  or MAY NOT have always been extremely vocal about her life-long celebrity crush on actor Nicholas Cage. After hitting up two night clubs Jaybird could tell the girls were feeling this night was a bit routine, and therefore, all  kinds of lame... Jaybird started to sweat. Out of nowhere, Jaybird remembers this smaller, darker but swanky little club she had gone to once with a very different set of friends. She suggests going over there next. When they get there, they walked up to the front of the line, (there is no waiting for A-listers, ever), velvet ropes were parted, and the girls were shown in like they were expected. They were immediately ushered  to the best table and were seated in a corded off, VIP only area. Jaybird's friend, MAY or MAY NOT have screamed in delight, when she sat down and saw Nicholas Cage, sitting at the table next to them.

Jaybird's friend thought he was there, just for her, and Jaybird had planned the whole evening around this surprise! She jumped right up onto Mr.Nicholas Cage's lap! He, MAY or MAY NOT have acted like this happens all the time and he did not mind it at all, when  a hot blond stranger just jumped on his lap.  No matter how many times Jaybird told her it was just a coincidence, her girlfriend MAY or MAY not have ever believed anything other than it was Jaybird's plan all along to hook her up with Nicholas Cage and an epically awesome bachelorette party!

#2. After throwing phrases like "what do you want to do tonight" and then "I don't know, what do you want to do?" back and forth for an hour or so,  Jaybird and her BFF still couldn't decide what they wanted to do for the evening.  Since they were waiting for another group of friends to join them, they decided to let the others dictate where they went. One of the girls had brought a friend, (one they didn't know very well) and she suggested they all drive out to the Hollywood Hills to a huge party where one of her friends lived. OK, with a lack of a  better plan, Jaybird, her Bestie, and the rest of the girls went for it. Pulling up in front of  this historic mansion, in a very posh area of town,  Jaybird and her friends thought they were lucky to be going into this party. Maybe this night was going to turn out to be much better than they had anticipated!

There MAY or MAY not have been  an awful lot of security measures around this house, and the girl directed us to park at a house across the street. Then this girl told us we had to go through the backyard of that house, to get to the party across the street.  We encountered a  ton of other girls, who were lined up and doing the same thing. We asked why we had to wait on line, and she said "security". We thought this was weird, but she assured us it was because of expensive art that hung on the walls of this mansion. Jaybird, was a bit intimidated, but didn't think that much about it, because all the other girls were weaving in and out of the hallways waiting to get in too. Well she didn't think too much about it until two huge bodyguards threw her up against a wall, frisked her and made all the girls with her line up one by one down a dark hallway. Something was not right about this house.

The bodyguards kept asking, "Who are you with", and "Where are your passes?" None of us knew what the hell he was talking about. Jaybird and her bestie, who is four foot nothing and weighs a hundred and nothing, MAY or MAY not have started yelling for the girl that brought us there, so they could kick her ass! But she was MIA. Because her Bestie was getting so vocal, the bodyguards stared us up and down, checking them out like they were books, and this was a library. Then, they MAY or MAY not have started whispering some shiz into a freaking walkie talkie, while Jaybird and her friends, all crapped a brick. That's when Jaybird's BFF lost her mind and started screaming so loud and so long to let us out of there, she went bananas, and acted like an absolute lunatic.

The bodyguards MAY or MAY not have picked us up by the back of our shirts, and threw us out the back door of the house.  We were so relieved to be out of there, we didn't notice at first that we had been dumped out on the lawn, but of the house the party was actually at, across the street!  Up that close, we were able to take a much better look at this "mansion". That's when we realized we MAY or MAY not have just gotten ceremoniously thrown out of the freaking PLAYBOY MANSION!!!

#3. One night, Jaybird begged convinced her sister, (who is as quiet as a mouse, works at the library, hates bars, and is probably the least likely person to ever get wasted)  to go with her and her crazy ass friends to an all- male revue.

When most of the girls arrived wasted, Jaybird knew they were going to be in big trouble before this night was over. Her sister was already squawking about bailing on her.  But then, the lights went down and the guys came up on stage and all was forgotten. Jaybird was starving, so she walked up to the bar, and ordered  a pizza. The bartender and Jaybird chatted a bit. Jaybird waited for what seemed like forever for her pizza and started getting impatient. Tired of waiting, she left to go to the bathroom. When she came back out, Jaybird's sister and her friends MAY or MAY NOT have been going hog wild.

All of the strippers were surrounding their table and kicking up a huge fuss. One stripper, would not leave her quiet, reserved and shy sister alone, he kept brushing his naked butt all over her arm. She  was dying. He and the rest of the male revue were so busy concentrating on Jaybird's sister and her friends, some of the other women started to complain to the management. Others actually left. The ones that stayed, were fuming!

Jaybird's pizza finally arrived and she couldn't wait to eat it. But before she took a bite, a male stripper MAY OR MAY not have stolen the slice out of her hands, taking a giant bite! Jaybird was furious. She started berating the stripper for stealing her pizza. He MAY or MAY not have gotten really excited about this. Like, really excited. No way he could hide it in a tiny, weeny, sparkly thong. Jaybird's friends couldn't believe she was having an argument with an excited stripper, over her pizza. They thought this was hysterical.

For the rest of the night, Jaybird's friends, her sister and the excited stripper MAY or MAY NOT have drove her nuts.  Every time Jaybird said, "Let's go" and tried to slip out, the bartender stalled them by sending over more comp shots. The excited stripper, MAY or MAY not have slipped special High Roller Gold Cards to Jaybird's sister and all of her friends, begging them to join him and his friends for an after hours party later in the evening.
In the meantime, Jaybird's friends had  (after doing many, many shots) all night long, degenerated greatly. They MAY or MAY not have decided monopolizing the entire staff of this establishment, was great fun.  One of them,went into the kitchen and stole made Jaybird another pizza! Some of them went behind the bar and started making their own drinks! One of them jumped up by the DJ started mixing, and rapping into the mic. In doing all of this, they had finally succeeded in pushing all the other ladies over their limit. These women were going to hurt Jaybird, her sister and all of her friends.  Just when Jaybird had thought she had finally rounded everyone up and they could finally get out of therer, (before they got their drunk asses handed to them)  the bartender  MAY or MAY not  have told her they still couldn't leave because he had a special "little" surprise. Of course her friends are all into this and try to get the rest of the bar to start chanting with them, "Surprise, surprise, surprise!"  When all of a sudden out of nowhere, a little person, dressed like all of the other strippers, jumped up right in front of  Jaybird, and started gyrating!!  Jaybird MAY or MAY not have a phobia about little persons, (don't judge me....) and ran  as fast and as far as she could, ditching everyone at that bar!

OK there you have it. Please vote on which of  these colorful stories from Jaybird's life are actually FACT and which ones are FICTION. Thanks to all for your participation!!

6 comments:

  1. I'm not sure (fact, fiction, fact?) but they're all great.

    I actually somehow ended up in a high security building in Washington D.C. when I was in high school while looking for a bathroom at one of the malls. Crazy, eh? Sorry, your playboy story just reminded me of it. LOL.

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  2. Love it! Thanks Jaycee. I always seem to somehow end up some place I'm so not supposed to be.

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  3. Um. All true. Or all false. Hmm.

    I'm going to go with all true. Except for the one that's false.
    I'm not very good at this.

    Okay, number one is true, the others are false. That's my final answer. Before I change my mind.

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    1. Ash-I admire your decisive nature. LOL Go and check out my answers post before you give yourself a head ache.

      Thanks for participating!

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  4. Somehow I want them all to be false, and yet, disturbingly, all to be true. Actually, I do hope #1 is true, look how cute he is in that pic!

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    1. Hi Ilima- thank you so much for coming back and guessing again and again every week! I appreciate it. Just posted my answers, here's hoping the answers don't disturb you. Check em out!

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