About Me

My photo
Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

Total Pageviews

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Pepper Spray and Pink TuTus

The Husband and his super-sized Alpha Male personality doesn't always translate well into being a father of little girls. Best case scenario, the offspring will become three of the best kickass heroines this world has ever seen...and they'll be able to write brilliant novels about their epic adventures. (LOL) Worst case scenario, well, I don't like to think much about that..

Yesterday, my daughters were out playing in our yard. (Our yard backs up to woods.)The oldest came in telling tales of "seeing someone" out in the woods. Normally, this is nothing I would dismiss or joke about. But when The Husband interrogated  asked the girls to give him a description of  the perp and an exact recounting of what they saw,  every one of them had a different story. My favorite version came from the youngest.  (She's absolutely obsessed with France and all things French and wears a beret every single day) She  described the mysterious trespasser as "a tall skinny man in a waist coat with a long mustache and a black beret!"

Armed with the description of Lord Cuckoo Face from her favorite Madeline books, The Husband, went out and performed an extremely thorough perimeter search. He found nothing. No footprints, no disturbance in the foliage around the trees, no animal prints, none of his booby traps had been detonated... nothing. Trust me, if man or beast had set one paw in those woods, threatening the safety of his little girls, they would wish they hadn't. He came back inside and announced a lack of evidence. The girls kept insisting that they saw something.  The Husband promised everything was alright, our perimeter had NOT been breached and all was good with the world again. He spoke to them a bit longer, but I was busy prepping for dinner and not the end of the world, so I kinda tuned him out missed what he told them.

It's not the first, (and certainly won't be  the last) time he's spoken to them about stranger danger. The Husband does not believe in coddling the girls.  He has made them well aware of what kind of creepers are out in this world. My girls "theoretically" know how to defend themselves in just about every scenario imaginable.  I have protested. I have tried to get him to take it easy and convince him they don't need to be this well equipped, they are not MARINES. So let's just say, it's an argument we agree to disagree on.



 I did not think about the stranger in the woods again, since I thought it had been put to rest. The Husband went off to harass criminals (a/k/a work) and  I was making lunch when the girls asked if they could go out in the yard to play. I said yes, and off they went. Mind you, they were all wearing pink tutus, armed for dance, not war games, so I was thrown off.  A few minutes later, armed with nothing but their lunch and juice boxes, I went out to join them. They were up to something, I could sense that much. A very serious pow wow was taking place, inside their castle fort.

Heads bowed, pink tutus up, they were really
concentrating on whatever it was they were doing. I crept closer to see what they were about.  When I saw what they were doing,  I crapped a brick.  They had a list, and had collected a number of  items on it already. The items collected were:

Garlic powder, black pepper, red chili powder..uh, huge RED FLAG!!!!

Everything had been pilfered from my spice rack, right under my nose, without my knowledge. Their stealthy pilfering skills wasn't the only thing that  scared the shiz out of me. They had collected the main ingredients used in homemade PEPPER SPRAY!! 

First, I thought hard about sneaking up on my girls, ever, ever, again. Then, I gave them a lecture on how dangerous mixing chemicals is and how they are punished pretty much forever.

The oldest defended herself, and argued a little with me. "Daddy taught us to always be prepared!  We were JUST gonna make some pepper spray, in case someone tries to come back into our woods!"  

(DISCLAIMER: For those of you who are crying "child abuse" The Husband DID NOT tell the girls to mix chemicals in our backyard to defend  it. He is a fanatic, but he's not CRAZY...)

The way she said this,  like it  was the most obvious, viable solution to their problem, chills me to the bone. I reiterated that  they are NEVER to try and gather the ingredients to anything other than what goes into baking cupcakes. I could see this was falling on deaf ears. This information would have to be reinforced by  a higher ranking official  Daddy for them to accept it as new STANDING POST ORDERS. Can't wait for him to come home from work so I can loose my shit on him  discuss this with him in greater detail.

While I was confiscating all of their ingredients, my little one picked up her juice pouch and tore into her lunch, completely unaffected by my admonitions. She looked at her sisters and in all seriousness said,

"Don't worry guys, we always have HAND TO HAND if we need to take somebody out!"



12 comments:

  1. OMG, that's awesome!

    I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I am. Hand to hand and pepper spray - in tu-tus! My husband would be so proud. This is the little girl he wants to raise...I've kind of put my foot down. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess there's really no putting my foot down with The Husband, because everytime I think I am going to prevail, something like this happens, and I know it's too late, LOL.

      Delete
  2. I'm with Jaycee, I shouldn't laugh but I am. That was disturbingly adorable!

    It pays to be prepared, but not, mixing chemicals is not good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Clare- Yes, I am laughing now, yesterday, not so much. On the bright side, I know I will always have a never-ending supply of blog entries!!

      Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  3. This was soooo cute and your girls are AWESOME.

    I think they may just take over the world (while wearing tutus!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Issy. I'll just tell The Husband tutus are the new camo!! He'll love that. Hahaha.

      Delete
  4. Hysterical I think. Actually I can relate. I was raised by a Chicago cop. You just can't be TOO safe.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Faraway- One of my many nicknames for The Husband is Capt. Paranoid. Although I have to admit after all the years of being married to him, I found he was right about a lot of safety issues that would have NEVER entered my mind, before I met him. (Just don't tell him I said that!)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd say that your little gals are set to do some butt-kicking in case anyone threatens them. Honestly, who would suspect pink tu-tu sporting girls to be armed with pepper spray?

    (And the fact that one of your girls is obsessed with France only makes me one happy gal!)

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete
  7. Barb- How my daugher would love to meet you! Her name is Franchesca and she wants me to speak to her, only in French. LOL She's totally incensed that Spanish is the only language available in grade school. She's learning as fast as I can teach her (I took six years) but that was a LONG time ago...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If she stills maintains an interest in the language, I recommend looking into the Alliance Française centers so she can take French language lessons. :)

      (I can understand why she is incensed. Just recently, I learned that my former middle school and high school cancelled their French electives. Learning foreign languages is looking bleak for this country...)

      -Barb the French Bean

      Delete
  8. Thanks so much Barb- I will look into that. She is young, but she seems to have a passion for learning languages. She is maintaining her Spanish at school, learning her French at home and my mom has been teaching her Italian. They are all pretty similar, but I was concerned it was going to be too much for her. Then today completely out of the blue, she asks me, "Who do we know that speaks German?" What a nutter that kid is!!

    ReplyDelete