Your wedding day should be unforgettable, but in a good way. Jaybird has a Big Fat Italian family. With Italian families, you are guaranteed three things at every wedding: Food, Fun and a Fight. (Oh, four things. Old Italian ladies in sausage-tight black dresses with rhinestones and a tissue stuffed somewhere in their bra strap busting a move on the dance floor...see Exhibit A)
|Exhibit A Jaybird at a cousin's wedding....|
1. Jaybird May or May not have been on a psycho bride diet and had to have her one of a kind custom fit Italian silk wedding dress altered at the eleventh hour. After losing so much weight the dress not only had to be taken in, but a whole new zipper had to be inserted. Only the new zipper was made out of PLASTIC, not metal. On the day of the wedding, Jaybird's dress May or May not have SPLIT RIGHT AT THE SEAM, all the way down to her ass!
2. Officiating almost every Italian wedding, is a priest who is somehow related to the family. Jaybird's priest, May or May not have FORGOTTEN TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION for his bi-polar disorder, and went a little um, NUTS during the ceremony. He may or may not have referred to The Husband in his Marine Corps Dress Blues as "Hitler" and the Marine Corps Honor Guard with their swords, as "The SS Officers". Oh, and then the priest, May or May Not have PUNCHED the Best Man, right in the chest before he was tackled off the altar by one of Jaybird's mobbed up cousins, (Who is probably the only one in the family who wasn't afraid they would go to Hell for tackling a priest!)
3. In every Italian family, there is always a cousin who "has a friend" or "knows somebody" and promises "he'll take care of you." It is looked down upon to ask too many questions about this hook up, since you are getting something for nothing and now your cousin owes this person a favor. Jaybird, MAY or MAY NOT have gone this route with the PHOTOGRAPHER on her wedding day. The photographer hook up MAY or MAY NOT have been a CREEPER who arrived early and walked right in on Jaybird while she was getting dressed. He MAY or MAY NOT have started to snap pictures like a perv mumbling in Italian and pretending lika-he-spoka- no-English. After he was cussed at in about five different languages to get out, he finally left the room. All day, the CREEPER photographer, MAY or MAY NOT have been trying to mack on Jaybird and trying to grab her at every opportunity. He also MAY or MAY NOT have begged her to run away with him, despite the fact that she had just gotten married!!!!
And there you have it. Please vote on which of these three stories from Jaybird's wedding are either Fact or Fiction. I'll post the truth tomorrow. Thanks!