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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Sunday, October 9, 2011

The worst week of my life.

This has been one of the worst weeks of my life. And when you consider my life, that's saying something.  The worst part, is that throughout all of my life's ups and downs, through all of the pain and suffering, this week did something to me, that many others did not. Could not. I did not think it was possible, but here we are. I am no longer an optimist. This week stole my optimism.

I have always prided myself in being able to see the bright side, or find some good in all people. Maybe that was my first mistake, PRIDE.  For the first time ever, I find myself not knowing where to go from here, or how to see my way up  and out of this. I've fallen without my safety net; the true belief that things can and will always get better.

What do pessimists do? How do they live like this? It's so depressing to not look on the bright side. It's killing me!  I want to go back to the days of ignorance when I was hopeful and immature and so blindly optimistic, nothing ever kept me down. If I could will myself out of this, I would have already. But it's just not there. I don't think I will ever be able to find it again. It's dead.

My optimism has passed on to the other side.  Sadly, it's moved beyond my reach, beyond my grasp and beyond my control. I shudder to think of living the rest of my life this way, but there is no alternative now. My stomach is in knots, I can't keep anything down, and I haven't been awake for more than a few hours at a time. I just can't deal. 

How do you combat such depression? How do you ever recoup from such a loss? I am desperate to find some answers, but sadly, I now know, there are none.

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