As I sit here this morning I find myself struggling on every level. I am so far off track in my life I don't know where to begin to get back on. And I am seriously lacking my usual optimistic, overly ambitious will to do so.
Bare with me now as I recount just a few of the areas where I have fallen short and let's see if blogging about it will throw me into a deeper pit of depression, or knock enough sense back into me to inspire a change.
First: due to an injury The Husband has been laid up at home for AWHILE. As you all know, we love him dearly but two words in the English language sum him up the best: HIGH MAINTENANCE. When I am home alone, I never make myself a huge breakfast or lunch and most of the time I am hard-pressed to remember if I even ate. Usually, I am working so hard I fail to notice or care. Not with The Husband here. "What's for breakfast?" "What's for lunch?" "What are you writing?" Along with "Where's the remote?" are buzz phrases that have been stinging my ears like a swarm of angry little bees since he's been out of work. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely sympathetic about his injury and glad for his company at first, but the novelty of him being home every day has truly worn thin. Let's just say, if he had a bell by his bed, he would be ringing it, and I would be ringing his neck. Him being here, breathing down my back is the major reason I haven't been able to keep up my usual writing schedule and get the tremendous amount of work I do everyday, done. He is in physical therapy and should be going back to work soon, but as far as I'm concerned, tomorrow is not soon enough. If this is a glimpse into my future and our retirement, take me out back and beat me now. Ugh. I won't survive it. If this sounds a bit bitchy and harsh, you would only have to look back to my prior blogs, and see the one entitled "The Husband" in particular, and you would understand I say all of this from a loving place and with all due respect, but Holy Crap, enough is enough.
Second: My poor girls have had their own bouts with illness (nothing serious Thank God but more like the kind that is a giant PITA, i.e. endless boogers, vomiting, sneezing, wheezing, coughing, diarrhea..) The school nurse has me on speed dial. For a few weeks I had all of them home here with me. Needless to say, absolutely NOTHING got accomplished during that dark period of time.
Third: I have to be a big girl now and step up to take responsibility for my own actions. Taking responsibility for your own actions is one of the mantras I am constantly trying to drill into my family's heads. So I will take my own advice here and come clean. I confess I have taken way too much time off from working out and healthy eating. Needless to say, my body is sadly out of shape. All of my hard work has taken a disastrous detour down Flabby St. and I am far from happy about taking a ride down that road, again. Especially after all of the months of hard work and headway I had made on my journey out of fat town. I am really going to have to work my giant ass off just to regain the progress I had made previously. Ugh. No one to blame here but me and I am really, truly pissed at myself for it. I have to admit I am most upset about this one, because again, this one is all on ME.
Fourth: Because of the set backs in health and illness and overall chaos this winter, my house is now a hot mess. I let a lot of things slide because I was too busy playing nurse and cook to The Husband and kids to do my usual deep cleaning/purging. I have overlooked way too much and now the task of decluttering and cleaning out my house has become monumental. I briefly considered calling Clean House but I didn't want to hear Miss Nicee dress me down on national tv. Plus, I am fairly certain no matter what they take out of the house, my stage one hoarder of a husband would go right back out to the curb and bring it back in. (I am not exaggerating here, he has done it before!) I kind of gave up and have just been maintaining the cleaning of the bare minimums, like the toilets, showers and kitchen. I still lack the motivation to go deeper. Sigh.
Hopefully, I didn't just depress the hell out of all of you. Any inspirational quotes and or comments/suggestions to get myself back on track are always appreciated...as well as any donations towards the hiring of a cleaning lady. Miraculously, after sitting here blogging a/k/a venting about all of the things I have been strugglin' with, I am starting to feel a little like my old self again. Kind of like in Young Frankenstein, I can hear a voice inside my head shouting, it's alive..alive!! Let's hope this little resurgence of the old me is just the break I've been hoping for and I'll be back to my usual form again very soon.
- Jersey Shore, United States
- In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.