About Me

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Jersey Shore, United States
In case any of my friends or family members actually read this Blog, please consider all Names, Characters, Places and Incidents to be the product of the author's imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales are entirely COINCIDENTAL...Muaaah!! Now, really, about me: I bring the crazy wherever I go, so I've been told...I make fun of myself more than anyone else ever could. I hate: the awkward silence in elevators, watches with no numbers, picky eaters, Cancer and legalism. I love: coffee, stalking Hugh Jackman, my Spanx, COMMENTS, sarcasm and writing: Middle Grade, NA, YA Paranormal and Urban Fantasy.

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Friday, October 29, 2010

My child, called me "childish" ....

Oh what a beautiful morning it had started out to be today. Isn't it funny how quickly things can change? It started out with the sun shining and the birds singing and then ahhh, the sound of my middle child squealing at the top of her lungs.

Child: "MOOOOOM!"
Me: "What's wrong?"
Child: "I need a folder for Health and if I don't bring it in today, I'll get an F."
Me:"Um, you waited until ten minutes before the bus comes to tell me you need a folder, today?"
Child: "Yeah,sorry."

Now, being the wonderfully enabling mother that I am, I did what any other enabling mother would do in my position; I ran around the house like a lunatic trying to find a folder for her. The only folders I know I can put my hands on in five minutes are mine and I have exactly three. One I keep all of my work papers/stuff in, the second I put all of my writing stuff in, like my research, story lines and any other misc. info that pertains to writing and the third I keep all of my household papers and crap in. In any event, to offer her any one of these three very important folders of mine was very kind of me. She failed to see it that way. I quickly ran back downstairs with three minutes to spare and handed her folder number one, now emptied of all of my work papers. I temporarily transferred the papers into folder number two. It went something like this.

Me: "Here, take this one."
Child: "Are you kidding me?"
Me: "No. What?"
Child: "Wolverine? Mom, really?"
Me: "What's wrong with Wolverine?"
Child: "I'm not a boy and I'm not obsessed with him like you are."
Me: "So what, you need a folder."
Child: "Don't you have any others?"
Me: "Fine"

Secretly, I was a little happy because I didn't really want to give up my Marvel Comics folder with Wolverine on the cover. Do you know how long it took me to find him? Anyway, I ran back upstairs and brought down folder number two. Now it's contents have been removed and stuffed into folder number three.

Me: "Here, take this instead."
Child: "Have you lost your mind?"
Me: "What now?"
Child: "Mom, really?"
Me: "What's the problem?"
Child: "Wonder Woman!"
Me: "She's a strong and powerful, outspoken, Amazon woman. You should relate."
Child: "Mom, the kids will make fun of me."
Me: "No they won't. Wonder Woman is cool."
Child: "Not in my class. Don't you have ANYTHING without a comic book hero on it?"
I hesitated, knowing she wasn't going to like option number three any more than one or two.
Me: "Ye-es."
Child: "Who's on it mom?"
Me: "Goth Hello Kitty."
Child: "Bah. I have the most childish mom in the whole world. I'd rather get an F than get laughed at."

Now at this point I'm getting pissed. She's insulted me, is being less than gracious and all because she not only disapproves of my choices, but is afraid of what the other kids will think of her. (I want her to know better, and being that I needed to be reminded of that lesson again myself, just last week, see "My 20year High School Reunion blog entry) I admit it, I lost my patience. I yelled at her for waiting until the last minute and how she should be grateful to me for offering her any folders of mine at all. I also reminded her how she shouldn't care so much about what anyone else thinks of her. I said, "Girls, mommy's proud of my Wolverine and Wonder Woman and little pink Hello Kitty folders (even if I'm old) because I don't care what other people think."

With all of the yelling and screaming going on, it has roused Daddy from sleep. He quickly hears the problem and goes in search of some of his folders. Hopeful, once again, that she might still have a chance of getting a folder to school that is non-embarrassing my middle child waited with baited breath for what seemed an eternity.

Child: "Surely, Dad's folder couldn't be worse than one of mom's."

Clearly, she was wrong. The husband came back holding a folder with Yoda on the cover that said, "Size Matters Not."

Child: Rolls her eyes and says, "Now I know why you two got married."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

My 20 Year High School Reunion





When I first received notification of my 20 year reunion and I responded, "yes" to attend, I felt paralyzed by one emotion and one emotion only, FEAR. Fear of what I look like! I've had three kids in three years and unlike a lot of my fabulous friends, I've never had any botox injections or any other cosmetic surgeries to speak of. I was fearful of my weight, I was fearful of what I should wear, I was fearful of what I would say and I was fearful of who all was going be there. My vanity was obviously at the forefront of all the fear I was feeling....and it started me down the road of very unnecessary anxiety, drama and nonsense, all for nothing.

Now that it's all said and done, I'm so ashamed of myself! I'm ashamed that over the past few months I barely ate a thing and I exercised like a maniac. I'm embarrassed to admit how much time and effort I wasted on picking out something to wear! I lamented my decision like I was going to the Academy Awards and worried myself into no sleep. I know better than that! I counsel people all the time against such stupidity and yet here I was, acting like the stupidest idiot of all time. So I must ask myself, in all honestly, when will I learn? When will I learn, it's not about me? When will I learn substance over form? When will I learn to love me for me? All I should have been concerned with was reconnecting with old friends and having an epic evening out with the husband, sans kids. Again, I'm ashamed to admit that up until I walked through the doors of the reunion, all I focused on was ME.

I was being ridiculous. Absolutely, positively, ridiculous! I know that now, but it took me way too long to figure it out. The reunion was absolutely wonderful and I was so happy to see so many of my old and dear friends. The husband and I had an incredible evening! We had such a good time I'm still smiling and hoarse and it's almost a week later! What was I so hung up about? Geez.

Let me take a moment to point out, just how patient and gracious our amazing God is! I want to tell you how incredibly grateful I am for the awesome God we serve. I need to take the time to thank Him for His Grace and His gentle way of correcting me (and others) when we are blinded by our own stupidity! And, as always, I'm thankful for His awesome sense of humor that always lends itself to these ridiculous situations I get myself into.

Our time is so short on this earth and the years fly by so quickly. Before you know it, I will be looking at an invitation to my 30th reunion. I pray I have learned my lesson so next time, I'm filled with the joy and anticipation of seeing old friends instead of being filled with dread and fear about something as ridiculous as "what am I going to wear?"

Friday, October 1, 2010

Motivator, please!

So lately my sister and I have been watching R movies on regular tv. Which is a good thing because all of the cusses are censored. And I really don't need to be hearing any more cuss words. But have you ever really heard what they come up with to substitute some cuss words with? Next time, listen closely, because we found what they come up with to be HILARIOUS!

Right off the bat, from the moment I heard it, I decided I was going to start using the network's substitute for MF'er. It happens to be a cuss word I'm infamous for amongst my friends. (Usually I say MFF'er under only the most dire circumstances, or when the Husband has pushed me beyond my limits) Now that I've heard the substitute, it has become my new favorite of all time!

At first it was very hard to distinguish what the actor was actually saying. After hearing MF dubbed out and the substitute repeated about ten times in a row we finally realized he was saying, Motivator! At one point, he even says it like, "Motivator, please." I almost pissed my pants.

This may be the break through I've been looking for to stop cussing. I've been trying in vain for years. So many times I have to catch myself and usually I wind up saying my own version of substitutes such as, "oh, shi-caca." Or "Blasterd" and now I can add to that awesome list, "Motivator, please". Rock on!